The Light That Leads Us
by addisongrace22
Summary: Even after they get their happy ending, life doesn't stop moving. Sequel to Lucy. Linstead
1. Chapter 1

Erin POV

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Lucy," I sing quietly as I sit on the side of her bed, running my fingers through her messy messy red hair laid haphazardly across her pale blue pillow case. Today is my daughter's fifth birthday and her first birthday since she's come into our lives. A lot has changed in the last six months. Jay and I made the call that my apartment wasn't going to be big enough for much longer, so we made the move to a townhouse. It was good for her, we had moved to a better school district for when she starts kindergarten in the fall and we had a backyard that she could run around in.

"Good morning Mama," She responds with a sleepy smile as she blinks her big hazel eyes open.

"How's my favorite five year old on this beautiful day?" I say before dropping a kiss on her forehead. I want to make sure that her day is amazing. It's her first birthday with us and I want to make sure that she remembers it.

"She's really good," She tell me with a grin, bigger this time.

"You ready to get up?" I ask. "Daddy is making some birthday pancakes as we speak,"

"With chocolate chips?" She questions.

"Is there any other way to make them?" I say with a laugh as she hops out of her bed, her blanket and me left abandoned as she races to see her dad.

I giggle as I follow her down the stairs, who knew that my life would turn out like this? If you would have told me nine months ago that I'd have a five year old daughter and be living with the love of my life, I would have smacked you upside the head and called you crazy. But we're in the now. And the now is wonderful.

"Well there's the birthday girl!" I hear Jay say as I round the corner from the stairs to the kitchen. 'How old are you now? Sixteen? Are we getting you a driver's license today?" He jokes.

"No Daddy," She giggles. "I'm only five!"

"Oh that's right," He says playing along. Ever since the day we got her, Jay has been wrapped around her little finger and it's only gotten worse since then.

"Are the pancakes ready yet?" She asks impatiently, her elbows resting on the white granite countertops.

"Just about," He says as he flips the last one onto a plate. The two of us make our way over to the kitchen table as Jay follows us with the plates of pancakes, Lucy's favorite syrup already waiting for us.

"So you excited for your party at Grandpa's later?" I ask as we all begin to eat our breakfast. Lucy had gotten so close to Voight over the past half year and I think it was doing a lot of good for the both of them, especially him after Olive left with Daniel. The day she asked if she could call him Grandpa, I don't think I've ever seen him smile wider.

"Yes!" She exclaims, "all my friends are coming right?"

"All of your friends and your aunts and uncles will be there," Jay tells her, referring to the unit that has gathered around us in giving her a family.

"What time is it at?" She asks for what feels like the millionth time this week.

"12:30, the same time it was yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that," I answer for what feels like the millionth time.

"But we can go over there early right?" She asks. Lucy Claire, forever the most anxious child.

"Yes darling, we can go ever there early,:" Jay responds. "But we got to do the morning stuff first okay?"

"Okay," She agrees eagerly as she refocuses her attention back onto her pancakes. We finish our breakfast about half an hour later, taking the time to really talk to Lucy, something we too often find ourselves too rushed to do. It's her birthday and today will be all about her.

Jay and I got ready before she got up so we wouldn't have to spend a single second focusing on anything other than her. Jay gets her dressed into a simple denim romper, something that had quickly become her favorite article of clothing this summer and I plait her bright auburn hair into two long french braids falling down her back.

"Alright what do you want to do?" I ask as I fasten the hair tie around the second braid.

"Do we have time to go to the park?" She asks, referring to Millennium Park. I think back to one of the first days we had her, I took her to Millennium Park. That was the first day she called me Mommy. That was a really good day. I still find it a little weird that she loves it so much, it's not like it's a park with swings and a slide like most kids her age like, but it's the one place that she always asks to go to.

"Yeah babe," I say smiling at the memories, "anything for the birthday girl right?" I say as I tickle her little stomach. She shrieks in response as I grab her up and place a little kiss on her cheek.

"I love you Mama," She says unexpectedly as I hold her in my arms.

"I love you too Luce," I say as I look her in the eyes, hers mirroring mine. "Alright now let's get a move on, it's already 10:15 and we've got to be at your grandpa's by 12 but I think we can swing it,"

"Then let's go!" She yells as she scampers out of her room and down the stairs. I swear she's always like ten steps ahead of me, mentally and literally

"Erin we're going to the park?" Jay yells upstairs, the confusion obvious in his voice.

"Wishes of the birthday girl," I say with a chuckle as I make my way down the darkly stained wood stairs.

"Do we have time?" He questions.

"We've got an hour and fourty five minutes until we've got to be at Hank's so I think we'll be okay, we can just leave from the park and drive straight there," I tell him as we meet in the entry hallway.

"Alright I'm going to make sure she ends up with some shoes on her feet and you grab her swimsuit for the party," He says as I turn around and head right back up the stairs. I grab Lucy swimsuit and throw it into a white and navy striped canvas bag with her red flip flops and we're off to the races.

* * *

"Do you remember the very first time we took you to that park?" I ask as we drive away from Millennium, all of us soaked in sweat. It's not like we were doing anything strenuous and all of us had shorts and shorts sleeves on, but hot and humid Chicago summers will do that to you.

"Of course I do," She responds with a smile from her car seat. I look back at her and give her a little grin via the mirrors. "You took me to the Bean and the fountain with the column thingies,"

"That was a great day," Jay says with a small smile as he looks over at me.

"It was wasn't it," I say reminiscing happily. "Can you believe that was nine whole months ago Luce? That's almost a year!"

"That's a long time," She agrees.

"Yet it seems like it was only yesterday," Jay says as he gives my free hand a squeeze. The rest of the ride to Voight's is filled with Lucy excited chatter, she's been talking about this party for months. He volunteered to host it as he has a bigger backyard so he'll be able to host more people. He wanted to provide everything, he told us just to show up a little early to help him set up.

We pull up to Voight's and Luce has already scrambled out of her seatbelt and is running up the front walk before I can even blink.

"Grandpa Hank!" She screams as he swings the front door open.

"There's the birthday girl!" He rasps as he embraces her tiny frame in his arms. "Head on back, your Aunt Kim and Uncle Adam are putting up decorations in the backyard," He says as he sends her on her way.

"Hey Hank, thank you so much for hosting," I say as I take Lucy on the front stoop.

"Anything for you and the kid," He says as he pulls me in for a quick hug.

"Jay," He says as Jay approaches me.

"Hank," He responds. They've gotten better, but I can tell that it's still a little weird for both of them.

"Alright then," I say as I clap my hands together in an attempt to defuse the silence, "I am going to go find the child and you two do whatever you're going to do," I say as I leave them to their own devices.

I make my way back to the backyard, Hank really did go all since we took her to California and showed her the beach, she's been obsessed. So low and behold that's the theme she requested and everywhere I look there is a paper flip flop taped to the wall or a blow up palm tree standing in the corner. I'm sure a lot of this was Kim who lives for things like this, but still it was out of character for him and it was nice to see that soft side of him once in awhile. Especially when it comes to Lucy.

"Erin you're here!" Kim exclaims as she runs in from the backyard to greet me.

"Hey!" I say as I wrap my arms around her.

"Oh, sorry super sweaty," She says as she rejects my hug.

"Sorry," I cringe as I back away.

"Don't worry about it," She responds with that always cheery smile of hers.

"Thank you so much for helping with this," I say.

"My pleasure," She responds happily, "I love doing stuff like this,"

"I know," I say with a laugh, "but still it was such a big help,"

"Erin, seriously don't worry about it, it was a lot of fun, plus it'll be good practice for when Adam and I have kids," She says with a giggle.

"Have you guys picked a date yet?" I ask, eying the ring comfortably resting on her left hand.

"Not yet," She responds, "I mean we've only been engaged for month so we haven't really had the time to sit down and talk about it," She responds.

"Yeah no don't sweat it, you guys will figure it out," I say with a wave of the hand.

"Speaking of which," She says with a miuchesveous smirk, "are there any wedding bells on the horizon for you and Jay?"

"Kim we've only been together less than a year, I don't see a wedding happening anytime soon," I say with a laugh.

"Seriously?" She says, looking disappointed.

"What?" I exclaimed playfully.

"You're live together and you're raising a kid, you're like the most married you can be, you just have to make it official,"

"I don't see any reason to do it right now, so you might have to wait a little while," I say with a laugh as she puts on a pouty face.

"What's going on in here?" Jay questions as he walks into the kitchen.

"Nothing," I say trying to hide my smile.

"Alright," He says with a scoff, not believing me at all. "I'm going to go finish setting up out there with Adam and Luce, you want to join?"

"We'll be out in a sec," I say as I look to Kim. I wait until he's out of hearing distance before I look at her seriously.

"Kim, seriously don't say anything. I don't want to freak him out," I tell her.

"Oh please," She says shaking off my comment, "that boy has wanted to marry you since the moment you met,"

"Kim," I say firmly.

"Fine," She complains, "I won't say anything,"

"Thank you,"

 **So here we go! Thanks to all of you who came over her from Lucy and I hope you like this sequel as much as you liked Lucy! I know the ending for this chapter was a little weird, but I really could not figure out how to end it! I very honestly have no clue where I plan on taking this, so if you want to see something specific please let me know and I will try to work it in. Please review!**

 **-Addison**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry! I've been the worst lately with updating and this chapter is a little short, but I think you guys will really like it. -Addison**

Erin POV

"Hey guys can I borrow Erin for a sec?" Jay asks as he comes up behind me and places a hand on my shoulder. I've been standing in a group of parents. Kim by my side. I'm not super sure how I feel about all of them yet, but a few of them seem to be okay. Luce has become really good friends with a little girl named Nora and her mom Juliet seems like she could be nice.

"You good?" I ask as I give Kim a quick glance.

"I'll be fine," She says as she waves me off.

"Don't worry Erin," Juliet says with a smile, "we'll take good care of her,"

"Alright I'll be back in a minute," I say as I follow Jay off the deck . "What's up?" I ask once we're safely out of hearing range.

"Haley is here," He says nervously as he plays with his hands. Over the past six months, the two of us had been making somewhat of an effort to get Lucy to know her aunt. It's been hard, it's not like things are warm and fuzzy between the three of us. Haley has been nothing less than lovely, but I think it's because she knows we aren't legally required to do this and we can stop at any time. Lucy is still unsure about her too, I think she's sensing the way we are around Haley, but we're working on it, or trying to at least.

"Shit," I say under my breath, "why did we invite her again?"

"That choice may have been made a couple months ago after a night at Molly's," He says with a half smirk.

"Wait where is she?" I ask confused as I look around.

"I left her on the front steps," He says sheepishly.

"Jay," I exclaim as I slap him on the shoulder.

"Sorry!" He says in defense, "I didn't know what to do with her!"

"Well we can't just leave her hanging, I mean she is Lucy's aunt and we told her that'd we make an effort," I say reluctantly.

"I don't know," He responds, "I mean we've been able to keep it civil with her, but Voight," He says, leaving that opened ended. He didn't need to say anything else, I knew exactly what he meant.

"He'll be fine," I assure him with a hand on the shoulder, "he won't do anything with Lucy around,"

"Okay," He says skeptically, "I'm trusting you on this one,"

"Don't hold it against me please," I say nervously.

"Never," He says as he plants a light kiss on my forehead, rendering a bright smile from me.

"Hey Haley!" I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster while I swing open the door. I think she might be slightly overdressed, wearing a short white cocktail dress and a pair of woven wedges. Her platinum hair is pulled into some kind of twist behind her head and a pair of sunglasses rests on the top of her head. The man standing behind her should be okay though, in a pair of khakis and a blue button down.

"Hi Erin, Hi Jay," She says with that shiny white smile and a pink gift bag in hand, "I just wanted to thank you guys so much for the invitation,"

"Not a problem," Jay says with that signature Halstead grin. Damn that smile gets me every time.

"Who's this?" I ask, gesturing to the stranger standing behind her. He looks so stoic, his facial expression strong put also seemingly off putting.

"Oh how rude of me," She says with a bit of a blush. "This is my fiancé James Holland,"

"Nice to meet you," He says as he holds his hand out to shake both mine and Jay's hands. He has a firm handshake, slightly aggressive as well.

"You as well," I say, slightly flustered by his surprisingly commanding nature.

"C'mon in," Jay says as he welcomes them in.

"Where should I set this down?" Haley asks as she holds up the pink gift bag.

"Just put it in the kitchen with the rest of them," I say with a smile. I can tell that even though everyone is trying to dance around it, it's incredibly awkward right now. It has been every time we've seen her, no matter how hard everyone tries to avoid it.

"Hi guys!" I say as cheerfully as I possibly can as I bring Haley onto the deck, James following Jay to wherever the hell Antonio and Adam are at. "This is Lucy's aunt Haley Mason," I say as she gives a quick wave.

"Hi Haley," one of the other moms says, Jenna I think.

"Hey," She says softly as Kim shoots me a "what the hell are you thinking?" look. I give her a "shut up I'll explain later" glare and she immediately gets the message.

"Uh do you want to go see Luce for a sec?" I ask in an attempt to break the strange silence her presence has brought on.

"Yeah that would be great," She responds as she begins to follow me down the weathered wooden steps of Voight's deck.

"Bean!" I call out, her little red braids whipping around as she turns to face me. She's been running around in the sprinklers with all of her little friends.

"Mama!" She exclaims as she runs up to me. I instinctively grab a towel from behind me and catch her in it before hoisting her up on my hip.

"Are you having a good birthday?" I whisper in her ear as her wet braids leave a watermark on my cheeks, not that I mind.

"The best," She says with that wide-eyed gaze.

"Sweetie do you remember your Aunt Haley?" I ask as I direct her eyes to the woman standing next to me, her nervous energy written all over her face.

'Uh huh," She says nervously, her opinion of Haley still very much up in the air.

"Can you say hi?" I coax her.

"Hi," She says shyly, her usual sparkle gone. This has happened every single time we've seen Haley, Lucy has a specific uncertainty about her. As much as we try to let Haley bond with Lucy, it's up to her in the end.

"Hey Lucy, happy birthday!" She says with as much enthusiasm as she can muster. She goes to grab Lucy's little hand, but she flinches and Haley quickly pulls away, a bit of shame in her eyes.

"Can you say thank you?" I say I go to grab her loose hand and give it a soft kiss.

"Thank you," She stammers, clearly uncomfortable. "Mama can I go play with Nora and Carter?" She asks as she looks up at me with pleading eyes.

"Yeah babe," I say solemnly. Her little feet hit the ground running and she's exactly where I want to be, far away from this very awkward situation.

"Hey I'm sorry," I say once Luce is out of earshot, "She's just not used to you yet, it'll take some time," I say. I'm lying through my teeth. It's been almost a year and Lucy is a smart girl, she knows exactly what went down between us and Haley. She can tell that Jay and I don't like her, as much as we try to hide it, she can pick it up.

"Don't worry about it, you're trying and I appreciate it, but it's just not taking," She says solemnly. "I'm just going to take off, we can try this again later maybe?"

"Of course," I say with a smile.

"I'm just going to grab James and head out, thank you so much for inviting me,"

"No problem, take care," I say with a wave as she leaves. So much for that. I was the number one supporter for Lucy getting to know her aunt, but this is obviously just not working at all.

* * *

"How you doing babe?" Jay asks as he plops down onto the couch next to me, a beer in each hand as the Blackhawks game plays quietly in the background, the quiet cheers of fans in the stands filling the gaps between words.

"We have a five year old, a wonderful, energetic, beautiful, five year old," I say in disbelief as he hands me a beer.

"We do indeed," He says as I take a sip. After the whole Haley incident, the rest of the party went better than I could have hoped. Lucy had an amazing, she hadn't stopped talking about it ever since we got back from Voight's, Haley nowhere in her mind. I loved watching that smile spread across her face as she ran through the sprinklers with all of her friends, her eyes lighting up with joy.

"So," I say, reluctant to bring up this particular topic, though it desperately needs to be discussed "What are we going to do about Haley?"

"I don't know," He says with a sigh, "we've tried, she's just not taking,"

"I know," I agree, "but I just feel bad,"

"Erin," He says as he sits up to look me in the eye, "this is not your fault, remember that this is the woman who tried to take her away from us, we didn't have to do it. And if Lucy doesn't like her, there's nothing we can do about it," he says.

"Yeah," I say, my mind far away from the conversation.

"And if Lucy expresses an interest in seeing Haley again, we'll take her, but we can't force this on her," He says honestly, "that's all we can do and we can't feel bad about that Er,"

"I know we can't, but I still do," I tell him reluctantly.

"Of course you, I knew you would," He says with a sigh.

"Don't hold it against me," I say following another sip of beer.

"I don't" He replies to my surprise, he still hasn't forgiven Haley for what she did, I'm not sure I do either. "You've got a big heart Erin Lindsay. That heart is the reason we have our daughter and the reason I fell in love with you, I could never hold that against you."

"You know I love you right?" I say as I look into those big blue eyes.

"I kinda had a feeling," He jokes as I slap him on the arm. He laughs and takes a sip. That's when I see it.

"Hey," I say, getting his attention once again. "What do you think about getting married?" He almost chokes as he processes my words. Earlier when Kim mentioned it, I had the same reaction. But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes.

"What?" He says, his face evident with shock.

"Seriously," I say. "I love you, you love me, we've got the kid and the house and it's not either of us is going to walk out, so why not?" I tell him.

"Erin, is this really what you want?" He says, his eyes full of wonder.

"Yeah," I say as I think more about it. "I don't want the big wedding and the flowers and the dress the size of a planet, but I want to marry you. I want that more than anything." I say honestly, spilling the thing I've been holding in for so long.

"Hold on," He says with a mischievous grin as gets up and runs up the stairs towards our bedroom.

"Jay you can't just leave me hanging like this?" I shout after him, only half joking. I hear the quiet noise of his movements as I wait anxiously for his return.

"I didn't think it was going to happen like this," He says with a smile as he comes back down, one hand placed behind his back.

"Jay Halstead what are you doing?" I ask nervously as he approaches me. He gets down on one knee in front of me and I feel my heart start to beat faster as he reveals the green velvet box. It feels so weird, I never thought this would be happening to me.

"Erin Amelia Lindsay," He says as he opens the box, revealing a sparkling diamond ring, "will you marry me?"

"What you do you think Halstead," I say with a smile as he places the ring on my finger. I grab his face and let myself free, my lips crashing into his as I revel in this perfect, perfect moment.

"I love you Erin," He says breathlessly.

"I love you too," I respond, "so, so much,"

 **I hope you guys liked the chapter, it looks likes there's going to be a Linstead wedding on the horizon! Please review! -Addison**


	3. Chapter 3

Erin POV

I stare up at the brand new ring resting on my left hand, admiring it in it's simple elegance as the sunlight shines through the blank spaces between the blinds. It really is beautiful. I would have been happy with anything, hell it would have been fine with me if there wasn't even a ring, but he did really good. I've never really thought about what I would want for an engagement ring, but if I had to pick, it would be this.

A gleaming pink diamond sits inside a halo of smaller stones, all atop a rose gold setting paved with a series of tiny gems. I never, ever would have picked this for myself. It's pink for crying out loud, but the fact that he gave it to me, makes it absolutely perfect.

"It was my grandma's ring," Jay says, startling me as he stirs on the other side of the bed.

"What?" I say in surprise, it suddenly becoming all the more special. I roll back over towards him, our faces close together and we prop ourselves up on our elbows, the comfortingly pungent smell of his shampoo filling my nose.

"Grandma Rose, my grandpa always said that he got her a beautiful rose gold ring that would never be a beautiful as her," He says with a smile, happy memories of his grandmother playing through his mind, "she left it to my mom when she died. My parents didn't have any daughters, so when she knew the end was coming, she gave it to me,"

"Jay," I say as I look at him, not knowing whether to cry or hug him. I know how painful his mom's death was for him and I know how much he hates to talk about it. He holds up his hand, letting me know not to say anything.

"She told me to hold on to it and keep it safe and when I found the girl that makes me happier than I've ever been, to put it on her finger and hope like hell that she never wants to take it off," He ends, a smile on his face.

"Thank you," I say simply after giving him a light kiss, "I'm so lucky that I get to be that girl,"

* * *

I sit on a bar stool at the kitchen island, a cup of coffee in my hand as I absentmindedly stare off into space, Jay's story still fresh in my mind. He doesn't talk about his past very much. I know that his mom died before he enlisted and he has a very complicated relationship with his father, but other than that he hasn't told me much.

Will, on occasion has given me little snippets, but he has always said that when Jay's ready to tell me, he will. Today was really the first time that he'd ever said anything to me with details. Hell it's pretty much the first time he's ever even talked about his mom.

"Hey babe, you okay?" Jay asks as he drops a kiss on the top of my head and acknowledging my blank stare.

"Yeah," I say as he grabs the coffee pot and his favorite mug. "Just thinking,"

"Anything I need to worry about?" He asks.

"No," I answer simply, "all good things,"

"Alright," He says, only half believing me.

"Where's Luce?" I ask him, changing the subject.

"Getting dressed," He answers, "I gave her that blue tank top Kim gave her and a pair of leggings which she quickly rejected and then decided that she's dressing herself today," He tells me with a grin.

"She's going to be a handful in about nine years," I say, picturing a teenage Lucy in my head. God I hope she's nothing like the way I was as a teenager.

"Don't even remind me," He says with a deep groan.

"She'll be fighting off boys right and left," I say with a chuckle.

"Oh no, teenage boys will not be walking within five feet of her until she's at least 30,"

"You just keep thinking that," I say quietly with a smirk. I smile at him, reveling in the incredible normality that my life has taken on, the banter over morning coffee as our daughter gets herself dressed. I never thought that I'd be here.

"So," I say as Jay slides on to the bar stool beside me, "what are we going to tell Luce?"

"About what?" He mindlessly as he looks over at me.

"This thing," I blurt out as I hold up my newly adorned left hand.

"Oh she already knows," He says, like it's no big deal.

"You already told her?" I yelp, not sure yet where I stand on it.

"Yeah," He says casually.

"You told her?!" I shriek again.

"Erin yes I told her!" He tells me again. "She's known for weeks! I asked her if I could marry her mama and she did that little squealing thing that she does and I made her swear not to tell you,"

"You've wanted to propose to me for weeks?" I exclaim as I hop off my seat.

"Erin," He says, his hands trying to calm me as they rest on my shoulders, "I have wanted to ask you to marry me for a lot longer than a few weeks, if I could have, I would have done this the second we adopted Luce,"

"You know I would have panicked and stolen our child and run away to a stupid little town in California in which you could never find us?" I respond, oding to my now diminished fear of commitment.

"That would be kidnapping," He says with a chuckle, "and yes I am fully aware of that. I know you remember?"

"You do," I say as I reach up to grab his chin and give him a light kiss.

"What changed by the way?" He asks as I take my seat again.

"What do you mean?" I say as I look up at him.

"You've never wanted to get married and then all of the sudden you want to get married right away, what's going on," He asks as he grabs my hand.

"Well I was talking to Kim yesterday and everything just clicked for me. There's no reason for us not to be married, it just makes sense,I'll have the same last name and things with be so much easier when we explain our thing to people," I ramble.

"So it's a convenience thing?" He says, dropping my hand.

"N-no," I stammer as he gets up to do his pacing thing. "That is not what this is about!"

"Then what is it about Er, you've always been so against marriage and suddenly you're all for it," He says, his voice rising almost as fast as the tension in the room. I'm in disbelief and I have no idea why he's freaking out about this. I love him and yes it would make things easier, but I would want to marry him regardless.

"Jay no," I respond quickly as I hear little feet running down the stairs. "We will finish this later," I say under my breath as Lucy dashes into the kitchen, bed head in full force.

"Hey babe," I say, instantly compartmentalize, putting our little maybe fight in the back of my mind as she runs over to me.

"Morning Mama, good morning Daddy," She says as I pull her into my lap and hoping that she can't sense the tension leaking from our pores.

"You my dear," I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek, "need to eat some breakfast because we have a big, big day,"

"Daddy," She says with wide eyes as she looks down at my hand. "Did you do it?"

"I did indeed," He says with a grin, genuine or not I'm not sure.

"You guys are getting married?" She shrieks as she jumps off my lap to embrace Jay in a bear hug, her little arms not reaching all the way around him.

"Yeah, we're getting married," I tell her, hoping to God that it's still true.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Lucy whines for like the seventeenth thousandth time this morning, her little feet banging against the back of the passenger seat.

"Hold on babe," I say as I reach back to grab on of her swinging feet. "You'll like it, I promise,"

"You swear?" She argues.

"Lucy Claire," Jay says sternly as he looks back to her, "just wait a couple minutes, we're going to be there soon,"

"Fine," She whines, dragging it out for longer than I ever thought possible. Jay and I still haven't made eye contact. We hardly ever fight, hell we made it through a custody battle without batting an eye and our engagement is the thing we end up fighting over.

"Alright we're here," I say with a cheery smile, using it to hide the awkwardness between us as we pull up to the suburban building.

"Where are we?" She asks as she fidgets in the back seat of the 300.

"We are at the animal shelter," I say with a grin as I watch her face open up with a wide eyed gaze.

"Are we getting a puppy?" She asks as she glances around erratically, craning her neck as far as the constraints of her car seat will let her.

"Late birthday present," Jay confirms as he looks back at her.

"Really?" She asks, bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Uh huh" I say with a smile, her sunny energy bringing up my dire mood.

'Can we go? Please, please, please," She begs as the bouncing continues.

"Hold up baby girl," Jay says with a laugh, "you go to get out of your car seat first," I hear the hear the soft clicking of her buckles followed by the opening of the door as her little red sneakers land on the sun smoldering pavement.

I laugh as I quickly get out of the car and follow her brisk step through the front doors of the animal shelter. I notice the obvious space between me and Jay and I pray that Lucy hasn't. I'm fairly sure that her mind is currently occupied with thoughts of little, fluffy puppies thankfully, but we are like the opposing sides of two magnets. It's strange, this hasn't ever happened to the two of us before. I twist the ring around my finger, a new nervous habit replacing my old one of playing with my hands.

"C'mon Mama," Lucy shrieks as she holds open the door for me.

"I'm coming babe!" I tell her as I speed up my pace, my flip flops slapping on the hot pavement, Jay following a short distance behind me. As I walk through the doors I feel the cool air hit me and the small drops of sweat that have already formed seize up.

"Hi how we can help you?" A cheerful man says to me from behind a tall desk.

"Hi," I say as I grab Lucy hands and Jay joins her on the other side, "we are here to adopt a dog," I say as Lucy peers over the counter.

"Well we have lots of those here," He says with another smile, "Jess here," He says as he gestures over to a petite woman with her hair woven into two dark braids, "will be happy to help you,"

"Thank you," Jay adds as she rushes over to us.

"Hi guys so I here you are looking to adopt a dog!" She says with the biggest smile I have possibly ever seen. Are all of these people insanely perky?

"Yep," Lucy says as she jumps in excitement.

"Well, c'mon back," She says with an over exaggerated hand gesture before leading up to a set of closed glass double doors.

"So what are we looking for?" She asks after leading us into a private visiting room, according to the sign hanging from the door.

"It is up to Miss Lucy here," Jay says as he ruffles her loose hair. "She just turned five and this is a bit of a late birthday present for our girl,"

"I just want a dog," She says.

"Okay then let's look at some dogs," The three of us look at all kinds of dog, little dogs that I could fit in my purse, big dogs that probably have poops that are bigger than Luce and literally everything in between. The three of us exchange small talk throughout, Lucy chiming in every couple minutes, her attention devoted to the dozens of dogs around us. Well actually, I talk to Jess and Jay talks to Jess, we talk around each other but not actually to each other, that hasn't happened yet. We're both being calm, civilized and mature adults, but I am seriously worried about what the hell is going to go down as soon as Bean goes down for the night.

And just when I think we're about to give up and have to come back another day, we come to the final cage. A tiny little puppy lays asleep, velvety ears flopped over the boxy head, curled in a ball in the corner of his bed.

"Hey Luce," I say I grab her and pull her onto my hip so she can see, "look at this little dude,"

"I like that one," She says with big eyes.

"You do?" I ask.

"Uh huh," She tells me with a smile as I plant a kiss on her forehead.

"What breed is it?" Jay asks, always the one to remember the logistics.

"We are actually not sure, we got this little guy in as a rescue a few days ago, but we are guessing that he is a boxer pit bull mix," I can almost see the alarms and flashing lights go off in Jay's head when the words pit bull leave her mouth.

"Uh pit bull?" He questions, "would that be safe for Luce, I mean she's only five,"

"Relax," She coaxes, "I know pits get a very, very bad rap but this guy is only a puppy and it's nurture over nature, I promise. If you are good owners and take good care of him, he will be nothing but loving and caring."

"Yeah Jay," I chime in, "it'll be fine, Voight had a pit named Laney before I came to live with them and from what I've heard, she was the sweetest animal,"

"Please Daddy?" Lucy pleads as she looks over at him.

"Fine," He gives in, "let's take him to the visiting room" I watch with a huge smile on my face as the sleepy little dog snuggles into Lucy and her eyes light up. I take a closer look at him, he's a soft chestnut color, a white stripe with blurred edges runs down his stomach.

"So are we going with this little one?" Jess asks, Lucy oblivious to the question as she gets lost in the sweet brown eyes of her new puppy.

"Yeah I think so," Jay says with a smile as he looks down at her.

"Uh what's his name?" I ask curiously.

"He is brand new to the shelter and we haven't had time to give him one, so that will actually be up to you guys,"

"Alright then," Jay says as he kneels down to Lucy's level, "what do you think?"

"Percival," She says definitely, "I want to name my puppy Percival, Percy for short," She quips.

"Okay," I say, slightly taken aback by her oddball name choice. "Percy, alright welcome to the family,"

"Okay," Jess says with a smile, "I'm going to go grab some paper work and then we will have you good to go in no time,"

* * *

"She's asleep," I say quietly as I lean up against the door frame, Jay sitting on a grey armchair in the corner of our bedroom, his hands folded in his lap his eyes focused on the ground. It had been a long day, after adopting Percy we'd been running all over town gathering all the things we need and Jay and I had barely said two words to each other, keeping our attention focused on Lucy and making her happy. Although all I could think of all day was our argument this morning. I am still so confused, I have no idea what happened. "She was out like a light, I think we tired her out," I say with a soft laugh, walking on an eggshells around what actually needs to be discussed.

"Erin," He interrupts, bringing me back down to right where I need to be. "Why do you want to marry me?"

"Because I love you," I say honestly.

"I know you love me, but you've never wanted to get married and I don't want to do it unless I know that you're doing it for the right reasons," He says.

"Jay," I start, "have I been against marriage for a long time yes, and did I very abruptly change my mind, also yes,"

"But why?" He says, his voice rising as he gets up from the chair, "you have never wanted to get married, every time I brought it up you'd say you never saw yourself getting married, what the hell changed?"

"I don't know!" I exclaim back in that weird hushed yelling thing that people do when they're arguing but don't want to wake their sleeping kids. "I have no idea what the hell changed, but I do know that I want to marry you, more than anything. I want to share the same last name as my child and be able to say that you are my husband and not have to explain our situation to all of the other moms at school and have them give me that weird look that weird look that they do, so yes maybe part of it is convenience but I love you and I love our child and I can't say anything other than that and that is going to have to enough of a reason." I can feels the tears rolling down my cheeks by the end, I don't know why but I just can't stop it.

"I'm sorry," He says quietly.

"What?" I say, still wrapped up in whatever I was saying and not really registering what just came out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry," He says again, "I overreacted and I went looking for a problem where there just wasn't one,"

"Jay what the hell is going on," I say as I wipe the tears from face before falling onto our bed. "This isn't like you,"

"I don't know, I guess I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop," He says as he joins me on the bed. "This has just been so easy and I know it's irrational and kind of insane, but we haven't had any really issues and it's freaking me out. It's too perfect, you know what I mean?'

"Jay," I say with a side glance, "we've already gone through the issues, custody battle and a murder trial but we made it through okay? The other shoe isn't going to drop, it doesn't exist. We're fine, we are stable and we are good," I say as I stare into those eyes, blue on hazel.

"You promise?" He asks as he grabs my hand, "we're good?"

"We're good,"

 **Hey guys! I hoped you liked chapter 3 and please leave me a review! Thanks for reading! - Addison**


	4. Chapter 4

**Happy Holidays everyone! Sorry for the very long delay in update, but I'm back now! I was having some pretty bad writing block, but I'm in Chicago this week and I'm hoping that'll spark something. Anyway, enjoy chapter four!**

 **Jay POV**

Over the next couple months as summer fades to autumn and the leaves start to change and hit the ground, we get over the unexpected bump of our engagement and fall back into our routines. We ended up telling Voight first who of course threatened to kill me if I ever hurt either of them, followed by my babbling of assurances that I wouldn't, then we told my brother and then rest of the unit. Kim screamed and the others reacted just as I thought they would, with cheerful whoops and claps on the back.

The cases have come and gone and Percy has begun to fit seamlessly into our lives. Lucy absolutely adores him, spending virtually all of her time with him, but both of us are dreading doing the dog walks in the below zero winter weather that will soon be approaching the city.

But another milestone that we will first have to pass is Lucy's first day of kindergarten at the Harper School. We've already met her teacher, a bubbly young woman named Ms. Owens who seemed both flustered and out together at the same time. But she seems to know what she's doing and Lucy seems to like her and I guess time will tell.

She's anxious and ecstatic to start school, I think Erin and I are going to have more of a problem then she is. I've been freaking out and Erin thinks is absolutely hilarious. I'm waiting for Erin to implode or something.

I know Luce is going to be fine, she's a strong girl and she makes friends super easily, but I'm still worried. I know I shouldn't have to be worrying, but it's first-time parent anxiety. We didn't have to worry about dropping her as a baby or feeding her the wrong thing, so I guess it's catching up with us now. Even though we've sent her to preschool and everything, this is different. Erin has been playing it super cool, but I'm almost certain that she's going to lose it as soon as we drop her off. And as much as I've tried to delay this day, it's here, our baby girl's very first day of kindergarten.  
"Wake up!" Lucy yells as she bounces onto our bed. I sit up groggily, still in a state of sleep as Erin shoots up in a complete panic.

"What happened?" She exclaims as her eyes flit anxiously around the room.

"It's my first day of school!" She shouts happily as I grin over at a very very sleepy Erin.

"Of course it is," She says, immediately snapping out of it as she pulls in Lucy and she plops down in her lap. "You ready?"

"Uh huh," She tells her with a big smile, those eyes gleaming.

"Crap," I say as I look beyond Erin and over at the clock and throw my side of the gray comforter off. The red numbers read 7:27. It takes about about 15 minutes to get to Lucy's school which starts at 8:10 and it usually takes us no less than 40 minutes to get out the door each morning. Today we've got 28. And we'd planned to wake up early today, the alarm was set to go off at 6:50, leaving us five minutes to lay in bed and an extra 20 minutes to get everything done. But I guess we're rushing.

"What?" Erin asks, still oblivious to it as she cuddles with Luce.

"Our alarm didn't go off," I say as I yank open my drawer and start sporadically pulling clothes from it.

"What?" Erin says as she grabs her phone from the bedside table. "Crap, we set it for 6:50 PM," She says after a minute.

"We're going to be late!" Lucy exclaims in a panic. Our child constantly wants to be early and being late, in her mind is probably one of the worst things ever.

"No sweet girl," Erin says as she pulls Luce in close and drops a kiss on her forehead. "We're just going to have to hustle a little bit that's all,"

"We can't do anything about it now," I say as I pull my shirt over my head. "But we've got to get going,"

"Yeah" Erin agrees as she jumps out of bed, "Luce go put on the outfit we laid out for you last night," Erin tells her as she jumps off the bed and runs back towards her bedroom.

"We got this right?" Erin asks nervously as she frantically pulls things from her closet, talking to more than getting our girl to school on time for her first day.

"Yeah we got this,"

* * *

"Bye baby!" Erin calls after her as we wave from the parking lot, Erin held close under my arm. "Have a good day!" We got out the door, on time, barely.

"We love you!" I add on before she disappeared behind the glass doors, a huge smile on her face as her braids get caught in the loop of her brand new red backpack. She'd wanted to wear all red today, but at Erin thought it would be too much so we compromised. Red high tops, black leggings, and a denim button up all under a red coat.

I've been holding it together much better than I thought I would, but I can tell that my girl, tough as nails, hit by a car, almost been shot Erin Lindsay is about to crack.

"She's growing up," She says, her voice shaky as her lip starts to quiver, not a lot, but enough for me to notice.

"Yeah babe," I say as I pull her in for a hug, "She's going to keep doing that,"

"I just want her to stay little," She says as I gently wipe a tear from her cheek.

"She's not going to stay little forever," I say as I run my hand up and down her back, a thing I've learned tends to be a form of comfort to her.

"I know," She says as she looks back up at me, her hazel eyes glossed over with shiny tears. "But why can't she?"

"She's got to grow up babe, she has to learn and go out in the world and make her mistakes, but she's going to be okay. She's got us,"

"Promise?"

"Always," I says I give her one final squeeze. "But we've got to go to work right now okay?"

"Yeah," She says as she leaves my embrace to go to the driver's seat. I quickly stow the car seat in the trunk of the 300 and join her in the front of the car.

"So," I say as I take my usual spot in the passenger seat, "have you thought about a date for the wedding?"I ask, trying to distract her.

"I have actually," She says, surprising me a little bit as she pulls out of the school parking lot.

"You have?" I say.

"Uh huh," She responds without missing a beat, "I was thinking about September 30,"

"Why September 30, that's in less than a month Er," I respond in surprise.

"I know it's soon, but that's the day that Camille and Hank got married," She says quietly, all the pieces sliding into place in my mind.

"Of course," I tell her.

"I have to ask Hank first of course, but I think he should be okay with it," She says as we start the short drive from Harper to the 21st.

"We're going to have to move fast, September 30 is," I pause, "only 26 days away," I say after thinking about it.

"It's going to be small anyway, like 20 people tops. We could have it anywhere." She says.

"Alright then for now let's just assume that the wedding is in 26 days, we've got to start planning. We've put it on the back burner for so long now," I respond.

"Alright, let's start now with something simple. Bridal party, who are we thinking?"

"Easy first pick, Lucy is the flower girl, obviously," She adds.

"Alright that's done, who do you want for bridesmaids?"

"I mean I can't really think of anyone other than Kim, so she'll be my maid of honor," She says.

"Well what about Annie?" I add in. "Besides, I know I'm going to have Will, Antonio, and Ruzek as my groomsmen so you should have at least two, probably three bridesmaids right?"

"Yeah you're right and I totally forgot about Annie but yes her too, and Natalie? That'll work right?"

"Considering she's married to my brother, I think it'll be just fine," I say with a smirk.

"Shut up," She says as she whacks my arm.

'Hey," I playfully scold her, "both hands on the wheel safety first,"

"Oh please," She says back, "I could drive better with my pinkie toe than you could with both hands, I'm good,"

"Haha," I say sarcastically as she takes yet another one of her daily jabs at my driving. "You don't want me to feel like a house husband do you?" I say with a grin, bringing it all the way back to when we first became partners oh so long ago.

"Oh there's nothing I'd enjoy more," She says with a smirk, shot directly at me.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

"Hey Hank," I say as Jay and I ascend from the stairs into the bullpen, "can Halstead and I talk to you about something really quick?" I say through the open door of his office. He silently waves us in and the two of us hurry past the full desks of the rest of the unit, Kim and Adam's being the only empty two as they stand flirting in the break room over their morning coffee.

"What's up?" He says bluntly as Jay closes the door behind us.

"We think we picked a wedding date," I tell him, more nervous for this conversation than I ever thought I would be. What am I saying, I've never thought in a million year that I would ever have this conversation.

"And?" He says bluntly, not really getting the point of this conversation. "Why is this a private conversation?"

"She wanted to make sure it was alright with you," Jay adds in.

"Why the hell wouldn't it be?" He says, his always gruff voice getting even deeper as he begins to lose his already very small amount of patience and my heart starts beating faster.

"We want to get married on September 30," I blurt out, not as gracefully as I would have hoped.

"You do?" He says, his voice automatically softening as the date instantly resonates in his mind.

"Yeah," I say softly.

"Kid," He says, his brown eyes raw and honest, "I would like nothing more than to see you get married on the day that I married the love of my life all those years ago," He says with a huge smile across his face.

"And there's one more thing," I say, spontaneously deciding to bring something up that we hadn't discussed yet. Although I'm certain that there's no way in hell that he'll have a problem with it.

"There is?" Jay asks confused.

"Yes there is," I say with a smile, "Hank would you be willing to walk me down the aisle?"

"Are you serious?" He asks.

"Yeah," I say. "You've always been the only thing that came close to a dad for me, so yeah,"

"Erin I would be honored,"

"Alright, thank you," I say as Jay just kinda stands there behind me. "We can talk more about it this weekend, dinner at our place?"

"Sounds great," He says. I can see him transitioning back into police mode right before my eyes. "Now get to work,"

"Yes sir," I say with a smile.

"That went well," Jay whispers once we're out of earshot.

"Better than I could have hoped," I say, "okay I'm going to go talk to Kim real quick, you talk to your guys you know, whenever,"

"Alright have fun," He says before giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. I smack him on the shoulder as he walks away, he knows that I hate PDA when we're on the job. He just smirks back at me.

"Ruzek get out." I say briskly as I walk into the break room, "I need to talk to Burgess,"

"But Linds you see I'm already doing that," He says with a smirk. God he annoys me like a little brother.

"But I need to talk to her about wedding stuff," I say teasingly, knowing that that will spark her interest so fast.

"Yep Ruzek get out," She says as soon as the words wedding fall out of my mouth, almost pushing him out of the room. I laugh at his surprise before shutting the door behind him.

"So we set a date," I say as I start making my coffee.

"Ooh, what day?" She says, leaning forward like an 8th grader being keyed in on the newest gossip.

"Uh September 30," I say, deciding to keep the significance of the date to myself.

"Okay so soon," She says, slightly taken aback.

"I know, which brings me to a question," I say.

"What's up?" She responds.

"Will you be my maid of honor?" I ask, slightly bracing myself for the onslaught of whatever is about to happen.

"Yes of course!" She says before throwing her coffee down on the nearest surface and wrapping me in the tightest of hugs. "This is going to be so great!"

 **I'm not totally happy with the way this chapter came out, but you guys have been so great and I really wanted to get an update out, so please let me know what you think! Lots of love and Happy Holidays, Addison**


	5. Chapter 5

Erin POV

"I don't know," I say, biting my lip as I look over myself in the full length mirror. I don't know is putting it lightly. We've been here for what feels like forever and I've tried on what feels like a million dresses. Annie couldn't make it today, but Kim and Natalie both sit behind me on an overly fancy couch, glasses of champagne in hand as Lucy bounces excitedly in between them. The newest installment in the endless parade of dresses was chosen by Jaycie, the woman who's been helping up. The skirt is full as I can imagine, full beading covering the entire bodice before exploding into a ball of tulle.

"I like it Mama," Lucy quips, her shrill voice filling the silence.

"You do?" I ask as I turn back to face her, her positive opinion making me want to make the dress more than I actually do. She nods back enthusiastically.

"You look like a princess!" She says with a grin. I smile back at my sweet girl.

"Kim, Nat what do you think?" I ask, desperately seeking their hopefully negative opinions.

"It's a gorgeous dress," Kim says, but I can tell that she's holding something back.

"And?" I probe her.

"I don't think it'll be the best fit for the venue," She adds sheepishly. Nat nods in agreement. Jay and I have decided to get married at the Oliver House, a 19th century mansion soaked in rich history whose courtyard surrounded by brick walls covered with climbing ivy will provide the backdrop for a perfect day. Over the past two week, things have miraculously started to fall into place. We've tried to include Lucy in as many of the choices as we could because we want her to love this day too.

We picked our colors, not Lucy's beloved ruby red, but a deeper tone and an antique gold and by nothing short of a miracle, Oliver House had had an opening for our date. Kim, Nat, and Annie all had dresses, long chiffon numbers in a deep red, the fabric criss-crossing over the bust and Lucy will be dressed in a soft gold dress that she looks absolutely adorable in. All of Jay's groomsmen have suits, the cake order has been placed and the last minute invitations have been sent out to a select few. We picked a caterer from Platt's arsenal of people at her disposal, table linens and settings have been chosen and we only have a few more things to do, one of them being me picking a wedding dress. If definitely wasn't going to be a big wedding, but it had turned into much more of an event than I ever thought it would be.

I've never been a girl to fantasize about a wedding, but even I had to admit that this sounds pretty amazing. I would have been happy to run down to City Hall, but Jay was having none of it, he wanted us to have the perfect day.

"We're getting married at the Oliver House and it just seems like it would be too much," I explain to Jaycie.

"Oh you're getting married at the Oliver House?" Jaycie asks, the wheels starting to turn in her mind.

"Yeah, September 30,"

"How do you feel about lace?" She asks, a hint of mystery hiding behind those eyes.

"I am open to it," I respond cautiously. "Just not something that's like drenched in it,"

"Don't worry, head back to the fitting room, I'm going to meet you there," She says before scurrying back into their extensive stock room.

"Should I be scared?" I say as I look nervously at the group of three I've brought with me today.

"Mama don't be scared just go!" Lucy exclaims, garnering a laugh from her two aunts, one honorary and one by marriage but both equally incredible.

"Okay, okay!" I say in mock defense as I throw my hands in the air before pulling up the long skirt of the dress and shuffling back into the dressing room. Once safely behind closed doors, I slip the mass of tulle back over my head and replace it carefully on it's hanger, sitting there exposed in only a slip.

"Alright," Jaycie says excitedly as she rushes back into the room, a lone dress hanging behind her, concealed by a garment bag but waiting anxiously to be worn.

I watch as she painstakingly unzips the bag and reveals the most incredible dress that I've ever seen.

"What do you think?" She asks nervously, waiting for my opinion before she says anything.

"It's gorgeous," I say breathlessly as I scan it up and down over and over. She smiles and without saying a word, slips it over my head and pulls the zipper up. I'm speechless as I stare at my own reflection. The dress isn't exactly white, I think you could call it ivory. From what I've learned from Kim and Natalie, it has what's called a illusion neckline and the entire bodice is covered in delicate lace. The skirt is a flowing chiffon, falling perfectly on me and a thin antique gold sash separates the two sectors. It's so simple, yet beautiful and it is absolutely perfect.

"Do we have a winner?" She asks hopefully.

"I think we do," I say with a smile as I continue to stare at my own reflection.

"Alright, then let's show it to your girls and see what they think," She says as she opens the door of the changing room and leads me back to the outside world. I'm a little nervous as to what they're going to say, but I think they're going to love it just as much as I already do.

'Erin you look amazing," Natalie says just as soon as we round the corner.

"You really do," Kim agrees as Lucy happily nods along.

"Mommy you look so pretty," Lucy squeals as I approach them.

"You think so?" I ask as I put the other comments on the back burner for now, putting my daughter as my first priority.

"I like it so much more than the other one," She admits and I know instantly that I've got my only child's approval.

"Everybody likes it?" I ask. They all nod in unison as a smile creeps onto my face.

"What do you think?" Natalie asks, urging me to share my opinion.

"I love it," I freely provide, "I think it's perfect and Jay will love it,"

"So do we have a dress?" Kim asks.

"We have a dress," I confirm with a smile as big as the world.

* * *

"You're getting married today!" I hear Kim shout, my eyes still closed as I abruptly wake up. I reluctantly open my eyes to see Kim, Natalie, and Annie all standing in their matching bridesmaid's pajamas at the foot of my bed, Lucy resting on Natalie's hip with her hands in the air. Jay and I decided that we weren't going to see each other the day of the wedding so I've had all my bridesmaids at our house with Lucy and Jay took his guys to Will and Nat's house and they've got Owen with them.

We also bypassed the bachelor and bachelorette parties due to the fact that neither of us really wanted to go out and get smashed, so we just had a dinner at home with our closest friends and family

'Well hello there," I say tiredly as I sit up and take in the scene in front of me.

"It's wedding day!" Lucy shouts as she climbs off of Kim and into bed with me. "You're marrying Daddy today,"

"I know baby," I say as I take her in my arms and zone out the rest of the room, "you excited?" She nods back at me before Annie gives a quick and sharp clap.

"Alright, we can do this later but we've got to get going!" She announces.

"She's right," Kim confirms cheerfully, "it's 9 o'clock and we have nail appointments at 10 so let's get moving!"

"Get showered and dressed and we will take care of everything else!" Natalie says with a big smile.

"Alright," I say cautiously, my friends acting weirdly cheery. "Why are you guys acting so weird?"

"It's your wedding day, we're being your happy bridesmaids!" Annie tells me.

"Okay," I say still unsure as I release Lucy from my grasp and climbing out of my bed. Lucy scampers back over to the girls as I make my way over to the bathroom.

"Don't forget to wear a button up!" Natalie yells.

* * *

I am getting married today. I am getting married _today._ This is like the most insane thing to me. I'm getting married and I have a daughter. Both of these things just seem so obscure to me, I told myself a long time ago that I would never get married and I would never have kids, but it's all coming together today. The impossible is occurring.

My makeup is nearly done, soft gold eye shadow bringing out the gold in my eyes and a deep red color waiting until after my dress is on to be applied to my lips. My hair is held in an up-do, waiting to be released into a forest of soft bouncy curls after the ceremony.

Within my outfit, I have my engagement ring, my brand new heels in a vintage gold color, the earrings that Natalie wore on her wedding day, and a tiny blue bow stitched onto the garter waiting on my leg, covering something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.

"You ready?" Kim asks comes through the door of our dressing room. My wedding dress hangs on hook, waiting for me to be zipped into it. She's just dropped Luce off with Jay for a little bit because she was missing her dad and Natalie wanted to say a quick hello to Owen and Annie had tagged along with her. None of us were dressed yet, the three of them walking around in full hair and makeup with different colors of flannels and leggings and me sitting in one of those silk robes with "Mrs. Halstead" scripted across the back that I swore I would never wear. Lucy has her dress on, she's been begging me to put it on all day and when I finally told her that she could, she smiled bigger than I've seen her in a while. She looks absolutely adorable. I was surprised that she didn't want to wear red too, but once she saw how shimmery the gold dress was, that's what she wanted.

I think they just wanted to give me moment to think, which I really appreciated. Everything has been happening so fast, but I just want a moment to soak it all in, so I'm glad they gave me that. I haven't seem very much, I've been hidden away in the little dressing room as the girls told me they didn't want me to stress, all of them taking quick runs around the property to check up on things. I'm grateful that they let me spend the day just focusing on my daughter and getting married.

"Kim," I say as I look up from her my spot on the delicate couch in the dressing room, "I'm really glad you're my friend. You are so good to me and Jay and you are the most incredible aunt to our daughter and I don't think we tell you that enough, so thank you,"

"Erin," She says, her eyes starting to water as pulls me in for a tight hug, "don't make me cry I don't want to mess up my makeup,"

I laugh at her comment as she carefully usually her nail to wipe the liquid away from below her eye.

"Hello," Annie chirps as she and Natalie make a reappearance.

"How's Owen?" I ask Nat, doing the mom thing and immediately jumping to kids.

"He's good, spending some quality time with his dad and his uncle, but let's focus on you now okay!" She responds happily, taking the attention back off of her very quickly. I stick my tongue out at her and she responds with that Halstead smirk that she seems to be learning from her husband.

The three of them get dressed first, Kim having some rule about me having to get dressed last. As they hold up each other's curled hair to zip their dresses, place gold shoes on their feet, and apply their lipstick, I realize how calm I am. I can't find any nerves at all, it just feels right. I feel ready, ready to walk down that aisle and see Jay and commit to him for the rest of our lives.

"Alright Erin," Kim says with a smile as she grabs my dress down from the hook on the wall. I smile at her before dropping my robe and standing there in nothing but my lace bra and underwear. Kim hands it off to me as I step into it and she takes the job of zipping me up.

"You good?" Annie asks.

"I'm good," I answer solidly. I pull on the gold shoes that I love so much and color my lips a deep red.

"Mommy," I hear before turning around, Lucy head poking in through the door.

"Hey baby," I say as I open my arms for her to embrace me, "how's Daddy?"

"He's good," She says simply while looking me up and down, "you look really pretty,"

"Thank you Bean, but I think you're going to steal the show tonight," I say as I give her a little wink.

"Well that show is about to start, Uncle Will just dropped me off and he said that you've got to get going or you're going to be late to your own wedding," She says with a smile.

"Oh shoot she's right," Kim says as she starts moving towards the door. "Let's go ladies," I watch as the three of the coast through the door, grabbing their bouquets from the table nearest to it. I grab Lucy hand and give it a squeeze.

"You ready my dear?" I ask her, my heart starting to beat faster, not at all from nerves, but from the overwhelming amount of joy flooding my body.

"Mommy I've been ready for a whole year," I give her hand another squeeze before grabbing my bouquet with my freehand and her pulling her basket of red rose petals. We make the short walk through the weathered halls of the Oliver House hand in hand, my heels clicking on the dark wooden floors and her giggles filling the empty space. Hank's the first one I see, standing in a gray tux with a red tie, a smile spread across his face, a rare expression for the ever so stoic Henry Voight. The rest of them are lined up in their spots, Annie at the front with Antonio, Adam and Natalie behind them, and the best man and maid of honor, Will and Kim bringing up the rear. The thick oak doors are closed in front of us, but I feel a rush of emotions just knowing that Jay is standing right past those doors.

"Hey kid," He says as he gives me a rare hug, Lucy running a few feet from my arms to stand by her cousin Owen, who will be holding a sign reading "here comes the bride,". "Camille would be so happy for you today," He whispers in my ear.

"She would have loved this," I say back, holding back tears at the mention of his late wife, the closest thing I've ever had to a mother.

"Yes she would have," All the sudden I hear our song start playing and I loop my arm through his.

 _This is the first day of my life, swear I was born right in the doorway._

 _I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed, they're spreading blankets on the beach._

 _Yours was the first face that I saw, I think I was blind before I met you._

 _I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been, but I know where I want to go._

The doors open Annie and Antonio walk out, and then Adam and Natalie, and Kim and Will and once Lucy and Owen reach the end of the aisle it's our turn.

"Alright kid," Hank whispers in my ear, "let's get you married,"

 **So there's part one of the wedding! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please review and stay tuned for part two! -Addie**


	6. Chapter 6

Jay POV

"Please stand for the entrance of the bride," says our officiant, a man by the name of Judge Winstold.

I find myself standing up a little bit straighter, my nerves flying as I wait the split second for the thick oak doors to open so I can see my beautiful Erin. All of the people we love are here, supporting us as we change our lives forever. Erin was completely right as for the location, there is a certain magic about this place and the brick and the ivy makes you feel like you're stepping into the pages of a story book.

The doors swing open and I have to catch my breath and in that instant, all of my scurrying nerves melt away. She's breathtaking, she always is but there's a certain something about seeing the woman you're about to marry in her wedding dress for the first time. Damn, I got lucky with her. But the best part of her outfit is the huge smile that's gracing her beautiful face. She is absolutely glowing and I almost feel like I need to pinch myself as she approaches me.

"Who gives the woman away to be married?" Judge Winstold asks.

"Her father," Voight answers with a smile before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Take care of her," he whispers to me before letting go of her arm, a threat in his voice, but also respect, a respect that took me years and years to earn.

"Always," I respond as Erin unlatches her arm from Voight's, hands off her bouquet to Lucy and gives her a kiss on the cheek before setting both of her hands in mine. Voight gives me a nod, his silent symbol of approval as he sits down in the front row of white folding chairs.

"Hey," She says with a smile and a squeeze.

"You look beautiful," I tell her quickly, our own private exchange before the judge starts speaking, unknown to the rest of the courtyard.

"Today we are here to join Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead in marriage, for they decided that their lives would be only made better by weaving them into one," He starts. My eyes are focused on Erin, but just behind her perfectly curled hair, I can see my daughter, her hazel eyes gleaming as she gives me a thumbs up and a smile, stuck close to Kim's side and holding her mom's bouquet. "And even though this day is for them, it is a tribute to all of you have been a thread in the weaving of the tapestry that is their extraordinary love affair, which has already surpassed and conquered the most trying and complex of circumstances. So on behalf of them, I thank you and sincerely hope that you all will be in their lives for years to come. But back to them." He continues, his words met with soft chuckling from the 40 or so people in attendance. I watch as the sparkle in her eye becomes brighter and brighter as he continues to speak. "The two of them are sparks and together, through the rest of their lives they will build their fire, growing brighter and stronger as time passes them by."

I know he's saying a ton of other things that are probably beautiful, but all I can do in this moment is stare into her hazel eyes and hold her hands, knowing in my heart, that I'll have the honor of doing this for the rest of my life.

"I understand that the two of you have written your own vows?" He asks the two of us, zapping me back to attention and Erin nods. "Erin would you like to go first?"

"Absolutely," She says, speaking for the first time. With her mouth anyway, her eyes have been telling it all. "Jay, I never thought I would have this, ever. I told myself a long time ago, that I was never going to get married or have kids because I didn't know how to love. And Camille and Hank started, but you are the one who taught me how to love, you and our sweet daughter. You taught me how to love strong and love boldly, how to love something so much that you would give your life to save theirs and you gave me a home and a family. That's an invaluable lesson that I never thought I would be able to learn, but you taught me and I will always be grateful for that. No matter how hard it gets or how much we hate each other, I promise to always love you and always give you a reason to love me. And in all that life is going to throw at us, I can't promise very much, but that is one thing promise I will always be able to keep. I will always love you Jay Halstead,"

I can tell that she's choking up and trying to hold back tears, I hear a communal "awe" from Annie, Kim, and Nat as I take my thumb to wipe that lone tear that managed to sneak past the floodgates. I kind of love it that Erin is becoming more emotional about things, it means her walls are coming down. Those walls, built to be impassable by years of trauma, brick by brick, sealing herself in. And I will be forever grateful that I'm the one she's chosen to let through those bricks.

"Jay?" Judge Winstold offers. "Ready?"

"More than you know," I tell him, going over in my head what I want to say for the final time. "Erin I have known there was something special about you since the moment we met and you kicked me out of the driver's seat," I say with a smile, rendering a laugh from almost all of the unit, all of them knowing of Erin's insistence of always driving. "But through the years as I watched you go through boyfriends and me through girls and we solved cases and went through all the crap that we both went through, you were always there and I knew that you would always be there for me. And through your complete and total blind faith, you brought us the little beauty that would become our daughter and that, is something that I will never be able to repay you for. And watching you fall in love with our daughter and her falling in love with us as I fell in love with you was on of the most incredible things that I'll ever know. So now we stand here today, in front of everyone that we know and love, I can very honestly say that I will never stop loving you," By the end of our short vows, I can see the tears in her eyes and I can feel them creeping up in me, but I do a good job of pulling them back.

"Alright," Judge Winstold says, another smile spread across his face, "can we get the rings please?" Kim and Will both turn to grab their respective rings and pass them on, mine to Erin and hers to me.

"Erin please repeat after me," He says. "Jay, I give you this ring,"

"Jay, I give you this ring," She starts, her words flying through my mind.

"As a reminder that I will love, cherish, and honor you,"

"As I reminder that I will love, cherish, and honor you," She tells me, a smile on her face as the ring is held tightly between her fingertips.

"In all times, in all places, and in all ways till death do us part,"

"In all times, in all places, and in all ways till death do us part," She repeats, sliding the perfectly smooth silver ring over my knuckle, the foreign coolness somehow feeling natural against my skin.

"Alright now Jay please repeat after me," He says again. "Erin I give you this ring,"

"Erin I give you this ring," I say, almost exactly repeating her words.

"As a reminder that I will love, cherish, and honor you,"

"As a reminder that I will love, cherish, and honor you," I say, my eyes sparkling as I deliver the words that will forever change my life.

"In all times, in all places, and in all ways till death do us part,"

"In all times, in all places, and in all ways till death do us part," I finish, slipping the matching wedding band on her finger, her engagement ring finally accompanied by the last piece of the puzzle.

"Erin Amelia Lindsay, do you take Jay Elliott Halstead to be your lawfully wedded husband?" He asks.

"Today and everyday," She says with a smile.

"And Jay Elliott Halstead, do you take Erin Amelia Lindsay to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"A million times yes,"

"Then by the power vested in by the great state of Illinois, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may-,"

I don't even wait for him to finish, I grab Erin and dip her in a grand gesture, letting my lips come crashing down on hers. I can hear the cheers and applause of all of our guests but all I care about right now is Erin.

"Okay then!' He declares as we come up for air. Lucy drops her basket of flower petals on the ground and rushes over to the two of us, pushing Erin's bouquet back into her hand and jumping into my arms, garnering a collective "awe" from the crowd once again. We know, we've got a cute kid.

"For the first time, introducing Jay, Erin, _and_ Lucy Halstead," He says with a chuckle. The light notes of our recessional song starts to fill the happy space as the three of us march freely out of the courtyard, Erin's dress flowing like air along the aisle and the sweet sound of Lucy's giggle lighter than the bubbles being blown all around us.

 _One, two, three, four, tell me that you love me more._

 **And they're married! So this is a bit of a shorter chapter, but I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you guys love it! I won't have as much time to write over the next couple days, but the next chapter will be the reception and part or possibly all of the honeymoon and I will attempt to have that up by this Sunday. I hope you liked it and please review! -Addison**


	7. Chapter 7

Erin POV

"I hope you had a good day Mrs. Halstead," Jay whispers in my ear as the two of us float around the dance floor, my head resting on his chest, my heels long abandoned under our table, my bare feet cool against the hardwood dance floor laid in the courtyard, and loose curls falling to my shoulders, hanging strings of Edison bulbs bathing the courtyard in a warm yellow light. We really aren't even dancing anymore, just kinda swaying together, as the rest of the world spins around us.

"The best," I quietly rasp back to him so only he can hear. It has been a wonderful day, filled with happiness, laughter, and dancing. A whole lot of dancing. Speech after speech has been made, all followed by the laughs of those who know us best. Lucy has been having a ball all day long, but it got to her eventually and she fell asleep in Voight's arms, who was more than happy to watch from the sidelines with his only granddaughter in hold. Probably my favorite things about today hasn't been the dress or the cake or the venue, but seeing Lucy dance with her dad and the faces of the two people I love most in this world light up with joy.

I've never been the type of girl to dream or fantasize about my wedding day, hell I never thought it could happen, but today? I couldn't imagine anything better.

"You ready for our trip?" He asks quietly.

"I would be if you would tell me where the hell we're going," I say with a laugh. He told me when we decided on the date that he was going to plan our honeymoon and all I had to do was show up. All I've been told is that Lucy is staying with Will, Natalie, and Owen, but other than that I know exactly nothing.

Kim and Natalie are both in on it, they helped Jay pack my bags but they have had their lips sealed, refusing to tell me absolutely anything. I think they've enjoyed it too.

"Just be patient, you'll find out eventually," He teases.

"You know I hate surprises," I complain.

"And that's exactly why it's been so much fun torturing you," He says with that stupid smirk on his face.

"Jay," I whine, stringing out his name. "Give me a hint,"

"One hint?" He questions.

"Just one," I confirm, smiling up at him in an attempt to improve my chances.

"You've never been there before," He says, that dumb smile still all over his face.

"There's a lot of places I haven't been before," I state annoyed, my eyes rolling to the back of my head.

"I know," He teases.

"C'mon, are we taking out of state, out of country? China? Russia? We going to the moon?"

"Oh yes, I've got a flight to Florida and a spaceship waiting at Cape Canaveral ready to go," He jokes.

"Oh shut up," I tell him with a smack to the shoulder.

"Er, you know I love you but all you've got to do is calm down, wait, and enjoy the rest of our wedding okay? Can you do that?"

"Fine," I concur, "I love you too,"

"I know," He says with a smirk, leading me to smack him once again.

* * *

"Jay where the hell are we?" I ask sleepily, rubbing my eyes as I come to in the passenger seat of his car, a new black Honda Pilot. He traded in his car a few weeks after we adopted Lucy, which didn't have a backseat, so he could drive Lucy around in his car. Of course he insisted on us getting a car with three rows for driving around all the kids we'd have someday, but if that man thinks I'm pushing out enough kids to fill that car he's insane. Maybe we'll have one or two more down the line, but as for now, just Lucy is perfect for us.

"Hold on babe, we're almost there," He says, focusing on the dark road ahead. As my vision clears up, I notice the numbers on the clock, 4:12 AM. We left the wedding around 10 after a long goodbye to Lucy before Natalie and Will took her home. We took the quick drive back to our house to grab our bags and change clothes, my wedding dress left laid out on our bed and Jay's suit hanging in a closet.

I'm curled into a ball, feet tucked under my legs, cozy in a pair of leggings and one of my CPD sweatshirts as I notice a lit sign on the side of the road reading Gracen, population 497. So we're in a tiny town called Gracen, six or so hours away from Chicago, but in which direction I have no clue. Trees line the thin, two lane road and the sky is clear, a sprinkling of bright stars lighting the midnight sky.

"Jesus how are you still awake?" I ask with a yawn, mentally doing the math in my head, "you've been driving for like six hours!"

"Coffee babe," He says, reciprocating my same yawn, "lots and lots of coffee," He tips his head down to the several empty coffee cups littering the console.

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask.

"Oh about five and a half hours, you were asleep before we even left the county,"

"Babe you could have woken me up, I would have driven so you could sleep," I tell him.

"Yeah but that would involve telling you where we're going and that's not happening Er," He says with a smirk.

"Well enjoy it while it lasts, I'll be back in the driver's seat very soon,"

"Oh we'll see about that," He says with a chuckle.

I hear the gravel start to crunch under the tires of the Pilot as Jay takes a left turn into what I assume is a driveway.

"Are we here yet?" I ask like an overexcited child.

"Yes we are," He says as he spins the wheel to configure into the parking spot. "Welcome to my childhood memories,"

"We're at your cabin aren't we?" I say with a smile.

"Halstead family lake house, spent almost every summer and winter break of my childhood here," He says with a smile.

"Let's go," I urge as I pull on the pair of boots that I discarded on the floor. "I want to see this infamous cabin,"

"C'mon, I'll show you around a bit and we can grab the bags in the morning," Jay says as he pushes open his door. I jump out of the car and before my feet even hit the gravel, it's safe to say that I'm shell shocked. Jay's always told me about a cabin on the lake, so that's what I was expecting, a small log cabin, maybe a couple bedrooms. But this place is huge. I would hardly call it a cabin, this place is a mansion.

"Jay this place is gigantic!" I exclaim as I slam my door behind me.

"I come from a family of doctors, they made a lot of money and the house when my dad was a kid, I'll tell you the rest of the story later," He explains.

"And I will be willingly waiting," I say as I meet up with him by the front porch, reaching up to give him a quick kiss. He grabs a key from his pocket and pushes it into the lock, the door swinging open. I take a step forward before he puts his hand out in front of me.

"Hold up babe," He says with a smile.

"What are you doing?" I ask with a smile.

"Carrying my wife over the threshold," He says as he swoops me up in his arms as I let out a bit of a squeal.

"Oh how sweet," I say sarcastically as he leans down to kiss me. I close my eyes as I let my his lips connect with mine, the spark just as strong as it was the very first time we kissed.

"Welcome to the Gracen House," He says with a smile as he lets me down on the dark hardwood floors. He flicks on a light switch, revealing the picturesque house beyond. It looks like it came straight out of a magazine, the entire back wall of the house painted with glass, windows exposing the back deck and what little of a lake that I can see through the thick blanket of night. High ceilings have natural wood beams running across them and the walls are painted a soft cream. A couple leather couches circle around a coffee table in the living room and a staircase is running along a wall on the side of the house. There's a large stone fireplace across from the kitchen, an elegant yet rustic space.

"Jay this place is gorgeous," I gush as I take in what I can see.

"I thought you might like it," He says, planting a kiss on my cheek.

"We need to bring Luce here sometime," I tell him.

"I know, I just wanted to bring you here first. It's kind of a tradition to come here for your honeymoon, my dad brought my mom and Will brought Natalie here last year,"

"Well, I am honored to join the ranks," I say, smiling up at him. "But I am very tired," I end with a yawn. "Can we go upstairs please?"

"Of course," He says, reaching an arm around my shoulders. He leads me over to the staircase as I sleepily stumble, still not entirely out of my daze.

I feel my feet raising up, taking each step one at a time. He leads me through a hallway and into the master bedroom. It has the equal amount of wow, the same wall of windows that I saw downstairs leading out to the dark lake and lines of trees in the distance.

"I know it's our wedding night and all and we're supposed to do whatever people do on their wedding nights, but I can barely function-,"

"Yes babe we can do to bed, they'll be plenty of time for that later okay?" He says with a chuckle a s we move towards the bed.

"Thank you," I say with a smile. I climb into the ever so comfortable bed, only bothering to take my shoes off. I've always loved climbing into bed after a long day, I think everyone does. It's just one of the best feelings. And especially because tonight, I get to sleep next to my husband.

"Goodnight," He says as I feel his weight in the bed next to me.

"Goodnight," I say, "I love you,"

"I love you too," He tells me back, leaving a kiss on my cheek. I savor his words as I drift off into the dark nothingness.

* * *

I wake up to the sunlight streaming through the many, many windows, but the space in the bed beside me is empty. The sun is high in the sky, so we must have slept in late.

"Jay!" I call as I sit up, still in the same clothes from yesterday and my hair still in soft curls around my face. I took most of my makeup off, but I haven't bothered to shower yet.

"Downstairs Er!" He calls back, the robust smell of coffee wafting up the stairs and through the open door, definitely motivating me to move. My feet hit the wood floors, offering a much needed jolt to my system and shocking me awake. I find myself being extremely stiff after curling up in the car for six hours. As I descend down the stairs stretching, I notice more details in the house. It was decorated with care, personal touches all over the house. It's a cabin, so it's inherently masculine, the wood paneling and leather furniture, but there are soft touches littered throughout, throw blankets tossed over the backs of chairs and the arms of the couch and flowers in vases on tables. There's picture frames all over the place, a lot of them holding photographs of Jay, Will, and some girl with honey blonde hair that I've never seen before. She's probably one of his cousins, whatever I'll ask him about it later.

"Good morning babe," He says as I join him in the kitchen, giving him a quick good morning kiss. "I'm making French toast for breakfast, but there's a pot of coffee if you want some," I guess he's already got the bags because he's changed into one of his usual army green Henley's and a pair of dark jeans.

"I always want coffee," I say playfully as I grab a mug that's hanging on a hook under a cabinet. "What time is it?" I ask him as I fill my cup with the liquid of the gods.

"Just after 11," He tells me.

"Jesus, I can't remember the last time I slept until 11,"

"Well we did go to sleep at like 4:30," He counters.

"Yeah I guess you're right," I say as I take my seat at a circular bar stool across the island from Jay, "but I'm glad I finally came to Wisconsin,"

"I knew you would like it, but I also knew that the only way I was going to get you up here was not telling you where we were going," He says with a smirk.

"Oh shut up, I would have come up here eventually," I argue back.

"Oh no you wouldn't have, every single time I brought up going to the cabin you shot it down, straight up," He says with a chuckle.

"Well I was expecting something in the middle of nowhere with like four rooms, no heating, and no indoor plumbing,"

"Erin it's Wisconsin, not rural Alaska," He says with a chuckle, leaving that smile I love so much across his face.

"Well I've never been to Wisconsin, I didn't know what it was like!" I say defensively.

"Well now you're here, so what do you think?" He asks, sliding a piece of French toast onto a plate and pushing it across the granite to me.

"I kinda like it," I say with a smirk.

"I thought you might," He says with a grin as he tosses a fork along with it.

"Hey can I ask you a question?" I ask.

"Yeah shoot, what's up," He responds absentmindedly as he focuses on finishing up breakfast.

"Who's the blonde girl in all the photos with you and Will?" I ask. As soon as the words leave my mouth, the smile drops off his face faster than anything I've seen. "What?" I ask, confused by his sudden change in demeanor, it's rare for him to change at the drop of a hat like this, I can usually see it coming.

"C'mon," He says, turning off the stove and abandoning the pan, "this isn't conversation to be had over a kitchen island."

"Alright," I say still confused, grabbing my coffee and following him to one of the leather couches in the living room. My brain starts running a million miles a minute and I start assuming. Never assume. "So who is she?" I ask once we're laid out on the couches, my feet in his lap as he lays back, I can tell he's still tense though. He takes a deep breath.

"She's my little sister,"

 **So a little cliffhanger for you guys! I should have another chapter up soon which will explain everything, but in the meantime, I hope you guys enjoyed reading chapter 7 and you'll be kind enough to leave me a little review! Thank you for reading! -Addison**


	8. Chapter 8

Erin POV

" _So who is she?"_

" _She's my little sister?"_

"What?" I ask, my mind flashing back to the smiling blonde, frozen in time in the photos, "I thought it was just you and Will, where is she, why haven't we ever met her?"

"It's just the two of us now, um she died," He says slowly, "almost 11 years ago, she was 15,"

"Oh my God, Jay I'm so sorry," I say, not really sure what to do, but instantly regretting my words. "What happened?"

"Um it's a really long story," He says, clamming up on me.

"Jay, if you want to tell me, I've got time but if you don't want to talk about it, we've got an entire lifetime to figure it out okay?" I tell him, a hand placed on his knee.

"No, I haven't talked about it in a long time and you're my wife, so you need to hear about this okay? All of it,"

"Alright, I'm here to listen, start from the very beginning."

"I was 24, my mom had died from breast cancer the year before and I was home from the Rangers, I had just graduated from the Academy and started working as a patrolmen. Piper was only 15, bright girl with a bright spirit, but it was dulling and we both knew that. Our dad had kinda checked out when our mom died, throwing himself into work and he wouldn't come home for two, three days. She was completely on her own." He says, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay," I tell him gently, rubbing my hand up and down his knee. "Take your time," Jay has told me almost nothing about his past and I know how hard this is for him, especially something as big as this.

"Will and I were tired of Piper having to deal with everything on her own so we petitioned the court for joint custody of her. The two of us both had unpredictable jobs, I was on my first year as a patrolman and he was a first year intern, but our father didn't put up much of a fight, so three weeks later she was set to move out of the house in Arlington Heights and up to the apartment that Will and I were leasing in Bucktown. Will and I both had to work late that night, so by the time I got to Arlington Heights, it was after nine. I got off a little bit earlier so I went to pick her up and Will would be waiting for us at home. The entire drive home we just talked about everything, her life, mine, how this thing was going to work. Of course, neither of us had any clue what we were doing, but we didn't tell her that," He says with a slight smile, a happy memory of his sister coming back to him. "Uh we were five blocks from our apartment and when we turned left onto North Damen, a drunk driver flying down Cortland slammed into the side of my car," He says quietly, his speech much slower than usual, selecting his words carefully.

"Oh my God," I say quietly, not realizing that our car crash must have been so much harder than he ever let on. I wasn't even conscious, but he had already lost someone he loved to a car crash and he wasn't totally confident in the best case scenario. I don't even know what else to say, as I know exactly what's coming next in this story.

"I blacked out for a couple minutes and when I came to I just looked over to see Piper slumped over, her head resting on the glove compartment and blood flowing down her face. He face was pale and pieces of shattered glass from the obliterated window scattered throughout the car and embedded all over her body. The entire passenger side of the car was smashed in and it turns out so was the side of her skull. I could hear the sirens coming so I didn't move, I couldn't. They came, firemen pulled the door off and the next thing I knew, we were both in the back of separate ambulances, speeding towards Chicago Med. They wrapped me up quick, just setting a broken wrist and stitching up a few cuts but they wouldn't tell me anything about Piper. Will ran in screaming less than 15 minutes later, demanding to know what was going on with our sister. That's when we finally got news, she had a cracked skull and a few broken ribs,"

"Jay," I say, that unconscious pity in my voice that I always hate hearing. I can't even imagine what he went though. When Camille died, we knew it was coming. But with Piper, one second she was there and the next she was gone.

"Please don't say anything, I just, I need to finish okay?" I nod at him, my heart heavy as he continues to speak. "They had their best operating on her and they managed to control the swelling in her brain and they put her in a medically induced coma while they waited for it to go down enough to replace her skull cap. Will and I sat by her bedside for nine days, never leaving. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, seeing her face was pale, cut up and her blonde hair shaved. Her spark was gone, the light. All I wanted was to see those crystal blue eyes again, same ones that my mother had. Will's girlfriend at the time, Olivia Beckner I think, she would bring us clothes and food, we showered at the hospital and just waited, day after day, watching her vitals and hoping that they would walk in and give us good news. On the ninth day, they said that the swelling had gone down enough and they could close her up. So Will and I waited while she laid behind those OR doors for seven and a half hours, the longest seven and a half hours of my entire life. When someone came out to talk to us, they said that something had gone wrong and the swelling had gotten worse, she'd slipped into another coma, not one they had orchestrated and she wasn't going to wake up. Her brain activity had completely stopped, they told us that we could keep her alive on life support, but she wasn't ever going to speak again, or see, or even think. Our other option was to remove the vent and donate her organs. Will was the logical one. I knew that he didn't want to give up, but he knew that she wasn't going to wake up and he wanted her to be able to save the lives of eight people who still had a chance to fight. But I didn't want to hear any of it, so we argued for another three days and eventually I realized that he was right. She wasn't going to wake up and it wasn't worth anything to keep her alive if she wasn't really going to be alive. So on March 11, 2006 we made the call to turn the vent off for our baby sister. It was the worst day of my entire life."

I can feel the tears pooling in my eyes, I didn't even know her, but just hearing about the sheer pain that it caused Jay makes me want to fall apart. And she was a Halstead, which means she would have been my family, she would have been my daughter's family. But I'll never get to know her.

"She died at 4:22 PM and I felt like my world was ending. I knew that Will loved her, but I was so incredibly close to Piper and I felt so guilty that she died and I came out of it with a broken wrist and a few cuts. I went to a dark place and I was a shell of my former self. I have wished so many times that that car had been coming from the other side, that she would have been okay and I would have taken it for her. I started drinking, a lot. I knew that I was in a bad place when I showed up to work drunk. My desk sergeant knew what had happened and he gave me a harsh tongue lashing before sending me home. I came home and Will wasn't on call so he let me have it. He yelled for so long, it felt like hours, telling me that Piper wouldn't have wanted this and I needed to shape the hell up. That was the day before her funeral. I sobered up and we buried our little sister with tears in my eyes. Our dad didn't even bother to show up, neither of us have talked to him since then. I haven't really talked about it since then, today was the first time I've never actually talked through it, the whole thing you know. It's just, it's so hard. She never got to drive, or go to college or fall in love, and more than anything I wanted to have that and the rest of the incredible things that our world has to offer because she would have done it all. I just want her back. I'm sorry that I've never told you about this,"

"No, no, no Jay don't apologize, I understand how hard this was for you," I say quietly as I take his rough hands in mind. "I just want to thank you for trusting me,"

"You would have loved her," He said with a smile. "She would have been so happy that I finally settled down, I was only 24 but she was always teasing me about how I never had a girlfriend for more than like a month tops." He says with a tiny smile. "And she would have spoiled Lucy absolutely rotten, more than she already is by Kim anyway,"

"She would have loved to have another aunt," I tell him as I rub my thumbs up and down the side of his hand. "And I'm sure that I would have adored her, both of us would have,"

"I want to show you something," He says, pulling me up from the couch and taking me by the hand. We walk silently, hand in hand, me processing everything that my husband has just told me. He leads my through a set of glass doors and down a stone path, the stone is cold against my bare feet, but I don't say anything. I see a patch of pale pink roses, surrounding a rectangle of stone laid in the ground. I feel Jay's arm slip around my waist as we get close enough to read the plaque.

 _PIPER ROSALIE_

 _Our paths may change as life goes along,_

 _But our bond will remain forever strong._

 _We love you Piper._

"Every year on her birthday, my mom and her would plant a rose bush in the backyard of our house. She stopped doing if after mom died, but thirteen rose bushes are planted in the back of that house in Arlington Heights. We buried her in Chicago of course, but after she died Will and I came up on her birthday and planted the flowers and laid the stone. We just needed someplace quiet, just for us, to remember her."

"I think you did a wonderful job," I say as I lean into his chest, feeling his heartbeat through his chest. "She would have loved it,"

Over the next couple days, I notice a change in him. A positive one, like a weight has been lifted off his chest, he seems lighter. Every so often, he'll linger around a picture of her or mention her name. I hope that one day he'll tell me more about her, because she sounds absolutely amazing.

* * *

After five amazing days on the lake in Wisconsin, our time at the lake house is over and we're driving back into Chicago. I loved it, we went biking around the lake, we went fishing, well I attempted fishing, Jay actually caught something and did everything else that people do on their honeymoons and it was wonderful. But I miss my girl and it's time to go home. Since we got Lucy, this is the longest we've spent away from her. We've done the occasional two or three day trips to New York when Olivia needed us, but one of us was always with her.

"C'mon I want to see her," I say anxiously, pretty much bouncing out of my seat as we turn the corner onto Will and Natalie's street.

"Baby we're almost here hold on," He says as we pull up in front of their light blue house. Almost as soon as he stops the car, I fly out of my seat. "Wait for me!" Jay calls after me as I run up the front lawn. I stop for a second, allowing him to catch up to me and I grab his hand.

"Do you have your key?" I ask once were on the front porch.

"Of course yeah why?" He says as he pulls a key ring out of his pocket.

"I want to surprise her," I say with a smile.

"I like the way you think Mrs. Halstead," He says with a smirk as he pushes the key into the lock.

"Oh I have some other ideas I think you'll quite like," I say with a mischievous smirk.

"Oh you do?" He says with a smile as the lock click.

"Uh huh," I tell him before planting a kiss on him, the kind of casual and unexpected, but deep and meaningful kisses that make you hate other couples. I push open the door quietly, making our footsteps silent as we pad through the wooden hallways of their home. I hear her and Owen giggling in the family room and with Jay standing right behind me, I lean against a wall, her still not noticing me. She's doing something with puppets and Owen is laughing his face off.

"Hey kid," I say with a grin.

"Mama!" She yells when she finally notices. I watch as those cute little dimples appear on her cheeks and she runs over to me. The missing piece of me is back once she jumps into my arms, throwing her peach arms around my neck.

"Oh Bean I missed you so much," I say as I breathe in her familiar scent. "Did you have fun with Auntie Nat and Uncle Will?"

"Yeah, we went to the zoo and the park and Owen is so much to play with! When do I get have to a sibling?'

"Uh someday okay?" I say with a smile as Jay smirks behind me. I put her down to go talk to Nat and she scurries over to her dad.

"Hi Daddy," She says with a grin as she looks up at him.

"Hey baby, you have a good time?" He asks, his blue eyes sparkling as he swoops her into his arms. They start doing that little whispering thing they do as I go over to get the recap from Natalie, Will still playing with Owen on the floor.

"How did everything go? Was she good?" I say my voice hushed.

"Yeah, yeah she cried a bit on the first night because she missed you guys but she was great, we love having her, you know that. Anytime you need it we'll take her,"

"Thank you so much for watching her,"

"Again Erin, anytime seriously. So how was your trip?"

"My God that cabin is amazing," I gush, knowing that she'll understand what I'm saying.

"I know right, Will totally undershot that place when he brought me up, he told me they owned a remote cabin in Wisconsin however failed to mention everything else," She says with a laugh. "So what did you do?" She says with a smirk.

"We went fishing, did the bike loop around Lake Gracen, caught up on sleep, caught up on not sleeping," I finish with a smirk.

"Yeah that tends to take a hit when there is a small child sleeping two rooms over," She says with a laugh.

"As I have noticed," I say with a chuckle.

"but I'm glad you had a good time, after everything you've been through in the past year you deserved it,"

"Thank you," I say with a grin, "and if you and Will ever need someone to take Owen, call us up,"

"I will remember that, thanks,"

"Alright we're going to head out and take Lucy for a late lunch or something, just catch up with her, you know get back into the swing of things, get her routine back in order,"

"Yeah sounds good," She says, "I'm just going to grab her bags alright?" Nat disappears upstairs and returns with Lucy's navy blue suitcase and giving her a quick goodbye in the form of a kiss on the cheek. She says goodbye to her cousin and her uncle before we roll out.

"So girly, your Daddy and I want to take you out for lunch to hear about your week, where do you want to go?"

"Can I pick anywhere?" She asks.

"Of course," Jay says from the passenger seat. It might be his car, but I'm still driving. It's kind of fun driving this car, it's huge and it's a nice change from the 300.

"Can we go to the pancake place, the one by the park?" She asks, referencing Wildberry Cafe, one of her personal favorites. "I really want some pancakes, Uncle Will makes them wrong," Jay laughs, his glee at his brother's apparent lack of pancake skills obvious.

"Absolutely," I say as I make the u-turn to head towards downtown Chicago.

 **Please don't hate me! I know it just seems horrible right now, but Piper's death will be very important down the line. I'm actually really proud of this chapter, so I hope you enjoyed the chapter, as always thank you for reading and I hope you'll take the time to drop me a review. I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year's Eve and I will see you guys in 2017! -Addison**


	9. Chapter 9

Erin POV

"Luce, let's get it going!" I call as I pass by her open bedroom door, she's still curled up under the covers. "C'mon baby, up and at 'em!" I call again as I hear her groan and start to stir. Just like me, the girl loves her sleep.

"Five more minutes Mama?" She pleads from under her quilt.

"Nice try," I tell her as I rip part of her covers off. "Daddy had to go into work early so it's just me and you today alright? We need to be on the road in 30 minutes at the very latest okay?" Jay had a bunch of paperwork to finish up today and he didn't want to have to work late today, so he went in before I was even awake, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before he left. I don't think I've ever done our morning routine alone and I'm a little nervous about pulling it off, we barely get her to school on time as it is, so how the hell am I going to pull it off by myself? I guess I'll just have to figure it out cause there is no going back now. I got myself completely ready before daring to wake up Lucy, my hair is washed and pull up into a basic ponytail at the back of my head, my daily minimal makeup applied and I'm dressed simply in a pair of blue jeans and a thin purple sweater. I haven't got my shoes on yet, but my feet are covered in a pair of mismatched but soft socks.

"Please Mama," She begs again as she pulls out the puppy dog eyes and scoots her bottom lip out.

"I love you, but it's not happening," I say with a smirk as I rip off the remaining part of her covers.

"Fine," She whines as she slips out of her twin bed.

"Smart girl," I tell her as I give her a little kiss on the top of the head before moving over to dresser to throw her an outfit. I grab one of her white sweaters and a pair of leggings with this brightly colored pattern all over it and toss it over to her.

"Luce c'mon!" I exclaim at her, slowly losing my patience as she continues to just sit there on her bed, her eyes misty.

"Mama I'm tired," She complains.

"Lucy Claire Halstead do not give me attitude, now come over here and get dressed alright?" I tell her, my voice deepening.

"Fine," She snaps, knowing that when I bring out her full name I mean business. I know that she's still not happy with me, but she knows not to fight anymore. She stomps over to me and starts undressing herself before replacing them with her new outfit.

"Okay I'm going to go make breakfast, I want you to have your teeth brushed and a new attitude by the time you come downstairs, do we understand each other?"

"Yes," She says quietly as she looks down at the ground.

"Alright," I say as I leave her room. I hate doing this with her, it's not like we have to discipline her much as she's usually a really good kid. We've never had to go past the stern talking to, but I still really hate doing it. But occasionally it needs to be done, we aren't going to let her grown up thinking that they're aren't any rules, not our kid.

I make my way down the stairs, careful not to slip on the smooth wood as that and the socks make for a combination equally exactly zero traction. It's an easy breakfast day, a bowl of cereal and some cut up strawberries. I'll throw her lunch together while she eats and brush her hair up afterwards and then we'll roll out, a slight variation of our usual routine.

"Bean hurry up!" I yell upstairs as I pour some milk over a small bowl of Cheerios and throw some quartered strawberries on a little plate next to it.

"I'm coming!" She calls back to me as I hear her little feet scampering down the wooden staircase. I smile, the attitude in her voice is gone and my happy little girl is back. She runs into the kitchen and climbs up onto a bar stool. "I'm sorry that I was bratty this morning," She says sheepishly as I slide her breakfast across the breakfast bar towards her.

"Thank you for apologizing, let's just not do it again, how about that?" I say as I grab her lunch box from across the counter, she nods in agreement. "Alright so what are we doing for lunch today? Peanut butter and jelly, green grapes and carrots?" She nods again as she starts to eat her strawberries. Luckily she's a pretty easy eater, she requests the same thing in her lunch almost every single day so as long as we keep those things in stock, we're good to go.

"So I got a letter from Ms. Owens and she told me that you guys are having a career day next month," I tell her as I spread peanut butter and jelly over two slices of bread.

"We are?" She questions, obviously oblivious to what I'm telling her.

"Uh huh, November 17,"

"Okay what about it?"

"She asked if me or your dad could come in and talk about being police officers," I say as I load her sandwich into her special containers. "So do you care if it's me or your dad?"

"Could you both come?" She asks.

"Uh sure I guess so, I'll talk to your dad and then I'll email Ms. Owens sound good okay?"

"Okay," She tells me as she picks at cereal, swirling it around in her bowl with the spoon. "Can Rosie come over later this week?"

"Yeah sure," I tell her as I start peeling carrots over the sink, "I'll call when I'm at work okay,"

"Thanks Mama," She tells me with a smile as she finishes up her strawberries.

"Alright baby, eat your cereal . I'm going to run upstairs and grab my work stuff and then I'll do your hair. What are we thinking today?"

"Dutch braids?"

"You got it Luce," I tell her with a smile before leaving her to grab my gun, locked in a safe in our closet. I punch in the code and open the door as the keypad lights up green. We've been careful to always keep them locked up and far away from Lucy. She's never know us without guns, it's just a part of our jobs, so we've made sure to teach her all about gun safety and that she is never allowed, under any circumstances allowed to touch them.

I clip the holster onto my hip and slide my gun in, the familiar weight back on my hip. I grab a brush from my bedside table before rushing back downstairs to find Lucy patiently waiting on the stool, her dishes sitting in the sink, I'll deal with those after work.

I take my spot behind her and brush through her long red hair, gently releasing the knots before weaving them into two Dutch braids and fastening the ends, all while she babbles about everything and I do mean everything that goes on in Ms. Owens' kindergarten class.

"Oh we gotta go," I say as I notice the time. "C'mon babe, go put on your brown boots, I'll grab your backpack okay?" She nods at me before slipping off the stool and rushing towards the front door to grab her boot and sitting on the bottom of the stairs to put them on.

I grab her lunch box and shove it down into her backpack and sling it over my shoulder before joining her at the front door to pull on my own boots. I grab my badge from the little table in the entry way and we're ready to go. I hurry her down the steps at the front of the house and into the 300, making sure she's buckled into her car seat before I take off.

* * *

"Have a good day baby girl," I tell her as I plant a kiss on the top of her head, put her bag on her back, and send her through the front doors of her school. "I love you!" I call after her.

"I love you too Mama!" She yells back at me before running to meet her friends inside. I hope she'll always be like this and I dread the day that she's embarrassed to be seen with us, I hope it never happens. But for now, everything is good.

She's doing really well in kindergarten, it didn't even take her a day to adjust, she loves her classmates and her teacher and always comes home with a big smile on her face, stories of her day just falling out of her mouth, it's like she couldn't tell them fast enough.

As I drive through the Chicago streets towards the district, playing the radio quietly in the background and enjoying the rare absence of talking during the twenty minute drive from her school to the district. Don't get me wrong, I'm a talker with the best of them, but it's nice to just have some time to think once in awhile.

Twenty minutes later I pull up to the 21st and swing around the side to pull into my usual parking spot. I pull on my jacket that's been sitting in the passenger seat next to me and head into work.

"Morning," Platt says as she thumbs through whatever she's reading today, her glasses on the tip of her nose.

"Mornin Sarge," I respond with a quick wave, my hair tickling the back of my neck. I punch my code in and scan my palm before moving upstairs to the bullpen.

"Slept late Linds?" Ruzek teases, as I'm the last one to arrive.

"Oh shut up, I'm last but I'm still six minutes early!" I argue back, whacking him as I pass him on the way to my desk and garnering a laugh from the rest of the unit.

"Morning Er," Jay says as he comes over with a mug of coffee for me, pulling me in for a quick hug. Before we got married we had a strict no PDA rule at work, but since the wedding we've let up just a little bit, quick hugs here and there, sometimes a fast peck. I mean it's not like they don't know we're together, they were all at our wedding and we have a daughter together, but we still want to be professional. Or as professional as we can be.

"You finish up your paperwork?' I ask, gratefully taking a sip of his coffee. I didn't have the chance drink any this morning and I don't function very well without caffeine pumping through my system.

"Yeah we're all good, how'd she do this morning?" He asks, leaning back on his desk as I settle into mine.

"She fought me on waking up and gave me some attitude, so she's going to be a joy when she's 15 but other than that, same as every other day," I say with a smile, pleased that my life has taken to such a routine, every morning the same as the last. A lot of people would be bored by that, but for me it's refreshing.

"You want me to talk to her when we get home?" He asks.

"Nah, I think I got her covered, it won't happen again," I assure him. "I pulled out her full name, so she knew she was about to get it,"

"Well I got it if it ever happens again,"

"Alright," I respond, "oh also she;s got Career Day on November 17th and she wants us to come in, I told her I would talk to you but it should be all good,"

"Yeah of course, I mean we'll have to ask Voight but it should be fine right?"

"We caught a case," Voight announces as appears from behind the doors of his office and canceling my answer, "We're rolling out now, I want all units there now, we're taking this case along with the FBI, JTTF, and Homeland,"

"Voight what is it?" Jay asked, confused by him pulling out the full brigade as all of us get ready to roll out.

"We've got an active shooter, 1420 West Grace Street," I feel the color drain from my face and my heart stop in my chest as those words leave his mouth and I process the address. The fear is pulsing through me, I don't think I've ever felt something like this in my entire life, something as strong as the pure fear that's coursing through me.

"Lindsay let's go," Voight barks at me. But I can't move, I'm frozen in my chair.

"Erin what's wrong?" Jay asks, taking a bit of a softer approach, knowing that it's very rare that I would react like this to anything.

"1420 West Grace," I repeat in disbelief.

"Oh my God," Jay responds under his breath, understanding what I'm saying. "That's the Harper School,"

"My God," Voight growls, he knows what that means.

"What the hell is going on?" Adam demands, oblivious to the unspoken communication going on between the three of us, but panic written all over his face and the level of confusion on the rest of the team's faces matching. "What the hell is at 1420 West Grace?"

"Lucy's school,"

 **Another cliffhanger for you! Most of this was just a filler chapter and it was a little short, but I was just a way to transition into the next chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it! Please take a minute to drop me a review and let me know what you thought about it, it really does encourage me to write and get an update up for you guys faster! Thanks!**

 **-Addie**


	10. Chapter 10

Jay POV

"What the hell is going on?!" Voight demands as the seven of us run to the camp set right outside the front doors of the Harper School. There's a crowd of panicking parents, crying kids, and traumatized teachers and staff pooled in the side parking lot, uniform officers trying to match parents with the kids they've already pulled out of the school, it's complete and total chaos.

"SSA Olivia Tanner, FBI. I'm running point on this thing." She says as she holds her hand out to shake, her dark hair pulled back in a bun and clad in a black pantsuit. I know her type, they care way too much about optics and she'll be behind the podium giving a press conference by the end of the day. But we're here now and all of that is going out the window. My daughter is in the building and I know that this unit will do whatever it takes to get her and the rest of those kids out safe and sound.

"Sergeant Henry Voight," He says gruffly shaking her hand, "I don't really give a crap what your name is, I want to know what you know,"

"One of the teachers called about 20 minutes ago, the first shots were fired at 8:34 AM, the principal Janet Kelley and a two counselors, Evelyn Brooks and Jason Henley went down. We've already got about 150 kids out and now the entire building is on lock down, we've got people outside every entrance and SWAT is on the way, but we haven't breached yet."

"Not good enough," He growls, "I need more, do we have a body count? How about a possible suspect? How many shooters do we have?"

"I'm sorry, I've only been here for fifteen minutes, we don't know any of that yet, but we haven't heard anymore gunshots since then,"

"Well you need to figure it out!" He yells back at her. "You see this!" He screams as he pulls out his wallet, pointing to a picture of Lucy. "This is my five year old granddaughter and she is inside that building as we speak!"

"I'm sorry Sergeant, but we are working to collect intel as fast as we possibly can, but we don't have anything yet. So if you want to end this, I suggest that you and your team go over there and start talking to some of witnesses okay? Because you aren't doing your granddaughter or anyone in that building any good by standing here and arguing with me, " She yells back, her voice just as strong as Voight's. I can feel the panic rising in my chest and my patience running out as Voight argues with Tanner. I can almost feel the anger radiating off of Erin next to me as I see her eyes flaming and her little fists balled up.

"Hank!" Erin yells as she grabs his shoulder, "we are all terrified and we all just want to get these kids out, but if we're going to do that we need to focus!" She demands.

"Alright fine, you heard her, get over there and start talking," He says, not really cooling off at all but talking to us now as Erin's words get through to him.

I can feel a fire in my chest, but it's overrun by another feeling, pure and unadulterated fear. I have feared for my life more times then I can count, but I have never, ever had to fear for the life of my child. Your heart and time stop, nothing matters anymore except keeping them safe.

"Halstead, Lindsay," Voight announces as he pulls us over, letting the rest of the squad make their way towards the mass. "You're not working this one, you're here, but you are not here as cops, you are here as her parents. Nothing more,"

"No, we're not," I tell him.

"Excuse me?" He exclaims back at me. "You know the rules,"

"I also know that in this unit, we tend to bend those rules and if there is a shooter running rampant through my five year old daughter's school, you're going to put a bullet in my skull before you pull me off the case."

"Alright," He agrees reluctantly, knowing that neither of us will back down, "but if I see anything that makes me think your head isn't screwed on straight, I'm pulling you, both of you, got it?" He says before walking away and back towards the FBI camp, probably to yell at Tanner again. He loves Lucy, the entire unit does but I know that he'll handle this case the same way that he handles every case, aggressively. There won't be any sympathy, until this case is done he's not Grandpa Hank or Erin's almost father, he's Sergeant Voight, a man on a mission.

"Understood," I say before turning towards the witnesses.

"Jay," Erin says simply as looks up at me, fear in her eyes as they start to gloss over.

"She's going to be okay,"

"What if she's not," she sniffles, tears in her eyes. "There's man with a gun in her school, she's five she shouldn't have to do this. No one should,"

"No, she will be okay," I tell her as I pull her in for a hug and lay my head down on top of hers, "that's just what we have to think okay? That she is okay and we are going to get her out okay? So we have to focus and get it done, okay?" She nods my head as she understands me. "Okay, let's go," I grab her hand to start taking witness statements, but we don't get very far before Voight calls.

"Erin, Jay get back over here!" He calls, waving us over like a crazy person. The two of us break into a run, desperate to get any intel about what's going on.

"What's up?" I ask as we enter into the camp, trying my best to compartmentalize and forget that daughter is a in a building with an active shooter. I can't.

"We got a 911 call from inside the building," Tanner tells us as we crowd around a computer.

"Who's the caller?" Voight asks gruffly.

"Meredith Owens," Tanner tells her.

"Oh my God, that's Lucy teacher," Erin says quietly next to me. I squeeze her hand as Voight nods at Tanner to give her the go ahead.

"Meredith? Hi my name is Olivia and I'm here with three Chicago detectives, their names are Hank, Jay, and Erin. I need you to tell me what's going on in there so we can get all of you out of there okay?"

"I-I-I'm hiding in the art closet with m-m-most of my kids, 11, I-I-I counted them a c-couple times, h-h-he was just here, maybe fifteen minutes ago and he took out six of my k-kids, two teacher a-a-aides, and the art teacher, I-I-I think they're dead, he just star-started spraying bullets and they went down," She chokes out. I feel Erin latch onto my hand as soon as the words come over the computer and I know we're thinking the exact same thing, just hoping and praying that our girl is safe. Voight sees the fear in her eyes and take over the talking.

"Meredith, I know you've been through a lot, just now but I need two things from you. I need you to tell me what the shooter looked like and I need the names," He says slowly, Erin hanging onto me, tears in her eyes and I'm barely keeping it together, I feel as though I could break like a piece of glass at any minute and crumble to the ground. I can hear the whimpers of the kids in the background and I'm trying hard, so hard to see if I can distinguish Lucy in the crowd

"I know w-w-who he is," She chokes out. Voight signals for someone to grab a notepad to write down whatever she's about to tell us and Tanner pulls one out of her jacket pocket. "His name is J-J-Jensen Greely, he was a fourth grade teacher here last year but he was fired after reports of him being ver-verbally aggressive. That man should have never been a teacher." You can hear the disgust, horror, and just pure fear in her voice as she relays the information.

"Alright Meredith you're great, do you know if he's the only one?" Voight asks her as someone types his name into one of the laptops.

"I t-t-think so, he kept saying something about how he was the only person that could finish this," She cries into the phone.

"Alright that's good," Voight says, his voice softer than usual, "Now I need you to tell me their names okay?" I can hear her wail on the other end of the line. "Meredith please, you'd really be helping me out,"

"Grant, get his picture to every officer on the scene, SWAT, FBI, JTTF, Intelligence, and every patrol, got it?" Tanner says quietly to a woman at a table as Voight continues to coax Meredith.

"Okay," She chokes out before taking a deep breath. "Um R-r-rosalie Gatler, Kira Thelen, Peter Ferraz, um Reid Harter, Celia Hendricks, and Elliot Isaacs tho-those are my kids and um Kate Collins, August Farley, and uh Heather Wanner I think they're dead too," She says, her voice shaking as she starts to hyperventilate. I inhale sharply as Meredith reads the list off and I feel so incredibly relieved that Lucy wasn't on the list but at the same time so insanely guilty. Today at least eight parents are going to learn that they have to bury their children and here I am, holding my wife and almost crying in relief after learning that mine won't be one of them.

"Oh my god Rosie," Erin says as she collapses into my arms, "that's Lucy's friend, she was going to come over this week," She says, tears in her eyes.

"Mommy," Lucy says through her tears in response to Erin voice.

"Oh my God," Erin cries as she leaps out of my arms and to the computer mic, me not far behind her at all. "Baby everything is going to be okay, we're going to get you all out and then I'm never letting you go okay? I need to stay with Ms. Owens and keep quiet alright, you be brave," She cries.

"I love you Mommy," Luce tells her, tears streaming down Erin's face.

"I love you too baby," Erin says into the phone, her voice starting to break. "Be brave, Daddy and I are going to see you very soon, I promise,"

"Mrs. Halstead?" Meredith asks shakily as the phone is transferred to her. "Is that you,"

"Yeah, it's me. My unit is here and we are working as fast as we can to get you out. What I need from you is to try and stay calm and keep your kids calm until we get there okay? Do not open that unless you are told by me, I don't want that door opening under any other circumstances, you got it?" Erin repeats to her, wiping her tears with one hand as I hold the other one in mine.

"Okay," She whimpers, "I'm going to hang up now I don't want to freak them any more than they already are, is that okay?"

"It's perfectly fine okay, we'll get you soon," I tell her. The phone hangs up with a click and Erin falls into my arms once again.

"She's okay," She cries as her tears soak through the exposed part of my t-shirt.

"Yes she is," I respond my voice shaking slightly as Erin grips onto my shirt. "But we've got to go back to work, we aren't losing anymore kids today, alright?"

"Okay," She says, shaking her head and wiping her tears, "let's go,"

* * *

Erin POV

"Let's move in!" One of the men masked in a full SWAT uniform says through the radios as we all stand in front of the doors of Harper, suited up with Jay and Adam on either side of me and the rest of the unit behind me, all with guns drawn with the exception of Voight who'll be running point along with Tanner back at our base and Alvin who's waiting on a rooftop across the way with a sniper rifle. I know that Lucy is okay, I heard her voice but I'm not going to able to relax until that man is either in cuffs or on the floor bleeding and my girl is in our arms.

The mass of us split at the main hall, us and half of SWAT going left and the other half and the FBI and JFFT guys going right. We know that Greely is in the library on the third floor and from the images on our pole cameras, it looks like he's got hostages, a class of fourth graders and two teachers. They're all huddled in the corners of the library, curled into each other as Greely waves the gun around and yells a bunch of things that don't make any sense.

We move silently up the hallway, the only noise being the rhythmic beating of boots on the staircases as we wind our way towards the library. It's odd, to to running a raid like this, as these halls aren't foreign to me, I've walked them more than a couple times with my daughter in hand. But this is different.

We approach the library, glass walls on three out of the four sides and windows on the other. He's facing away from us, staring out the windows and waving a gun around as our teams approach from both sides. Our guy Reynolds gives him a signal and we all storm the library, but he saw us coming and grabs a hostage and presses the gun to her head, a little girl no more than nine years old.

"I'll kill her, I swear I'll do it!" He cries as the whimpers in the room turn to screams. FBI agents begin to clear the library, the rest of us surrounding Jensen in the center of the room.

"Help," She whimpers, her chin pulled up to the ceiling and a lone tear rolling from her green eyes, pumped full of fear.

"Drop it!" I yell, my gun pointed directly at his skull, feeling more anger than I've felt in a long time. I hear Voight's voice through the earpiece inserted into my ear.

"I can't do that!" He yells back at us, his darting eyes around the room crazed.

"Drop it Greely!" Jay repeats, louder this time.

"O do you have the shot?" He barks, clearly only talking to Olinsky.

"Yes," He responds slowly, his eyes trained on the target.

"Take it," He responds gruffly. I don't see the bullet coming, but I feel a sense of relief plow through my system as his body falls, dead before he hits the ground. Atwater and Ruzek dash over to his body to pull it off the screaming girl he's fallen on, his blood soaking through her shirt.

"Lindsay, Halstead, we're good. Take a five SWAT guys with you and go get the kid and then unload that room, understand?" Voight says through the earpiece. I nod at Jay and he grabs a couple guys by the arm, three others following him. The seven of us rush back down the stairs, winding through the hallways searching for the art room Meredith told us she was hiding in.

Now knowing that there's no one to hide from, we disregard any and all of our previous attempts to be quiet. The only objective now is to get to those kids as fast as possible, boots pounding as we run through the halls.

"We're here," I say quietly as I run my fingers over the label off to the side of the door and mentally prepare myself for what I'm about to walk into. I've seen a lot of things in my time, but six dead kindergartners, that's something you'll never be prepared for.

"It's okay," Jay says as he comes up behind me, "you can do this, it's okay," I take a deep breath and push the art room door the rest of the way open. My hand flies to my mouth and I have to hold back both vomit and tears when I see the sight before me. This is personal, I knew the kids and none of our victims are, but more than ever these aren't just going to be faces on a board. Just this morning I saw Elliott and Kira running from their cars through the front doors of the school, smiles on their faces as they waved goodbye to their moms and now they'll never breathe another breath again. I see Ms. Collins' slumped over Celia's. She died protecting her.

"Cover them," I say softly, "these kids don't need to see their friends like this," Two of our SWAT guys, Gregory and Hayfield nod at me before grabbing canvas covers folded up on a shelf in the back of the room and laying them over all nine victims, leaving our victim count at 12. Or higher, that's only the ones we know about.

"Meredith it's Erin, I need you to open the door up," I call through the door, my face pressed up against the cool wood as I re holster my gun on my hip.

"Erin?" She calls, her voice breaking through the soft whimpering of the kids surrounding her. I hear the lock click on the other side of the door and she swings it open to reveal the small room, metal shelves full of art supplies lining the walls and a large group of little kids, tears streaming down their faces in the center.

I see Lucy's sweet face looking up at me, fresh tears clouding her eyes and running down her cheeks.

"Mommy," She shrieks as she jumps into my arms, her face pressed into my neck.

"It's alright baby, everything's okay now," I soothe her as I run my hands through her hair. "Everybody's okay. Hi guys," I say, peering past Lucy's head. "My name is Erin and I'm a police officer, everything's all good now so we're here to evacuate you. These men," I say as I move away from the door frame to reveal the SWAT guys, "are going to carry you guys out, okay. Everybody's okay, we don't need to worry anymore." They nod up at me and I give Hayfield the go ahead to start retrieving kids and the rest of them follow, each pulling up two kids, one with each arm and shuffling them out as fast as possible.

"Are you okay?" I ask Lucy frantically as I scan her little body up and down, Jay coming over to wrap his strong arms around us.

"I'm okay Mommy," She promises me, tears in her eyes, "Can we just get out of here please?" She pleads.

"Yeah sweetheart," Jay tells her as he reluctantly lets go of her, grabbing a shaking Meredith by the shoulders and leading her out behind us, the braids woven by me this morning bouncing against her back

"We're coming out!" Jay yells as the four of us rush through the front doors, Meredith wailing and Lucy whimpering in my arms, a slight spattering of blood across her forehead, something I can only imagine came from one of the other victims. The news vans are already parked outside the school, a mob of photographers and reporters with microphones in hand scrambling behind police lines.

"Erin!" Hank yells as he sees our family coming towards and starts to run towards us. "She okay?" He asks once her gets over to us, skimming her tiny frame the same way I did, Lucy still shaking and crying a bit.

"She's shaken up, but she should be fine," I tell him as he engulfs both of us in a hug. I watch over his shoulder as Jay hands Meredith off to Tanner and rejoins the three of us.

"It's okay," He whispers in Lucy's ear as he takes Voight's place beside us, "it's okay, we're all okay."

 **Not going to lie guys, this was a bit of a tough chapter to write, but I'm really proud of the way it turned out, so I hope you guys enjoy reading it. Please take a minute to leave me a little review because they really do encourage me to write faster and have updates done quicker for you guys.**

 **Thanks guys,**

 **Addison**


	11. Chapter 11

Erin POV

It's been four weeks since the shooting and the entire town has been mourning, joined together in memory of the lives we lost that day. 24. We lost 24 lives that day. 17 children and 7 adults. It's been harder than I could have ever imagined. I see lives lost everyday on my job and I've seen people mourn and I've done it myself, but seeing the relentless and all consuming pain that my daughter was in every day, that beat it all.

Hearing her scream in the middle of the night from the night terrors and rocking her back to sleep at night, that was hard. Three nights ago was the first time that she's slept through the entire night in her bed since the shooting.

I can't even imagine what those parents are going through, I've lost people I love sure, but the love that you have for your child is unconditional and unmatched and I don't what I would do if that was taken away from me. I've seen Rosie's mom Emily since the shooting and I just don't know how to help her, I don't know what to say to her. So I just stood there, holding her in a hug as she cried and I whispered that I was sorry in her ear. What do you say to the person who has lost everything? Rosie was her entire world, and with one shot, one bullet, less than a second, someone took her world away. What do you say to someone about that?

Lucy took it hard, as I expected she would have. I still don't know exactly what she saw, she hasn't wanted to talk to me or Jay about it, but I knew she heard it. She might have seen it too, but I know for a fact that she heard those shots, she heard her friend get shot, she heard her friend get murdered. She's five years old and we didn't want her holding all of that in, so Jay and I decided to take her to Dr. Charles.

He knows me well, I'd talked to him after everything that happened with Nadia, so I trusted him with the most important person in my life. But she bonded with his resident Sarah Reese, who I've hung out with a couple times with Sylvie and Natalie. So we've been taking her to see Dr. Reese or Sarah as she preferred we call her, every Wednesday at 5:15 and she seems to be responding to it. She'd completely shut down after that day, barely talking, only when necessary. But since she's been seeing Dr. Reese for the past three weeks, she seems to be coming back to us. We both knew that it wasn't going to happen quickly, you don't just get over something like this and she's not completely here, but we're getting our girl back.

Harper has been closed indefinitely but last week, classes began at the neighboring Oakley Elementary. Lucy didn't go for the first few days, but when she decided that she wanted to go back, it was hard. I had tears in my eyes as I watched her walk through the doors of Oakley, last time I sent her off to school, we got a 911 call less than an hour later. I didn't want to let her go. The night before I couldn't sleep. Neither could Jay. So we laid in our bed next to each other, we didn't talk, just laid there but we knew exactly what the other was saying, we were scared to let her go again.

But we did it and she seems to be doing okay, in light of the situation at least. She's talked about Rosie, a lot. She misses her. We took her to her funeral because she deserved to be able to say goodbye to her friend. I could tell that it was hard for her and it seemed like the entire community had turned up for every funeral and it seemed like the entire world has been rallying behind Harper, and as much as that helped, it wasn't going to bring those people back. They're gone and there's no changing that.

It was on the news everywhere for like a week, on every TV station and every newspaper cover, we couldn't hide from it, it's like it was following us.

But now we're here. And as much as you can after something like this, we've gone back to normal. We take Lucy to school, Jay and I go to work, we solve cases, pick Lucy up from school and then we go home. If we have to work late, she comes to the district and does homework in the break room and takes naps on the couch. That's just how we do it now, as a family and closer than ever. Voight has been coming over more too, we go over to his house most Sundays for dinner, but now sometimes he'll drop in to eat at our place or to just hang out and talk. The unit has been coming around more than usual too, they all want to be there for us.

"Mommy can I go to my room, I want to finish my homework?" She asks quietly as she pushes around the remaining food on her plate. "I have to finish writing my words," The three of us are sitting around the table, making the usual small talk about her day as we eat the meal that Jay made for us.

"Okay, go ahead," I tell her satisfied with what she's eaten, sending a soft smile her way. She had her session with Sarah today and her mood always seems to be a bit better when she comes home from them.

"Thank you Mommy," She says with a smile before putting her plate and glass in the sink and rushing up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Jay," I say excitedly with a huge stupid grin on my face looking over at him.

"What's going on?" He asks, confused by my sudden burst of excitement.

"She smiled, like she really smiled. Not her 'I'm smiling because I have to smile', but a real smile. A Lucy smile, dimples showing and everything," I tell him with a grin. It was an odd thing for her to smile about, but sometimes it's the little things that can become the big things.

"She did?" He says with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Yeah," I say with one of those laughs that only happen when your voice just might break. "I haven't seem that smile, since before," I don't want to finish the sentence.

"Yeah, I know," He tells me, his mind set on the exact same thing.

"She's coming back to us," I say as I leave my chair to take one of my favorite seats, on my husband's lap.

"Of course she is," He says before craning his neck upwards to give me a kiss. "She's a Halstead and she's a Lindsay, she's a fighter,"

"She's going to be okay," I say, sure of my words for the first.

"Hell yeah she is,"

* * *

"Goodnight Bean," Jay says as he gives Lucy a kiss goodnight on the forehead and pulls her quilt up around her, with me watching lovingly from the doorway. Even with everything that's hit us in the past few weeks, I'm still damn lucky to have the family that I do, and it all started with one huge leap of faith.

"Goodnight Daddy, I love you," She tells Jay as she looks up at him. "Goodnight Mommy," She says across the room to me.

"Goodnight baby girl, I'll see you in the morning okay? I love you,"

"I love you too," I tell her with a smile as I turn the lights out in her room, leaving the door cracked open just a bit behind us as we leave her room.

Jay grabs my hand as the two of us descend back down the stairs to the main level.

"So I had an idea," He says once we're back in the family room and kitchen area, safely out of hearing range of Lucy's bedroom so she can fall asleep peacefully.

"Oh do tell," I say with a smile.

"I think we should take Lucy up to the cabin soon. After everything that's happened, I think we just need to get out of the city, you know?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea," I tell him with a smile. For a little while after the shooting, I felt so incredibly guilty being happy, so I didn't let myself be happy. But after a while, I realized that I can't do that. So while Lucy has been coming back to us, I've been having to teach myself how to be happy again. And I'm glad I did. "When do you want to go up?" I ask as Jay starts to go through the stack of mail that has gotten embarrassingly tall on one of the kitchen counters.

"As soon as we can." He says as he mindlessly thumbs through, sorting out all the junk mail. "Maybe the weekend after next, it's supposed to snow that week so Luce can play, maybe we'll bring Will and Natalie up with us, that way Lucy can have someone to play with?" He suggests.

"Yeah, that sounds like a really good idea," I watch his expression as he picks up and envelope that is clearly important. "What's that?" I ask him.

"I'm not sure yet," He says vaguely as he begins to break the seal and unfold the paper inside. I watch as his expression changes from confusion to something I'm not quite sure, worry lines starting to form on his forehead.

"What is it?" I ask as I leave my place on the couch, " What's wrong?"

"It's the Rangers," He says grimly, "They want me back," My heart falls as the realization of what it happening hits. There is only one reason why he would be getting an actual physical letter from the Rangers. I feel the tears coming from the back of my eyes and I purse my lips together in an attempt cease their journey to the outside world. It fails.

"You're going back?" I say, my eyes watering as I feel my lip threaten me with a quiver.

"Yeah baby," He says softly, "I'm going back, you know I would stay here with you and Luce if I could," I collapse into his chest, his arms wrapped around me and I stop my attempts to keep the tears at bay. Within a couple of minutes, his thin t-shirt is soaked through as a result of my sobs as he tries to console me. Our family has already been dragged through hell, we can't let go of him right now. He can't leave us now.

"I can't do this alone," I cry.

"You are not going to be alone," He assures me, "you will not have to do this alone. You have Hank and Will and Natalie and Kim and Ruzek and Antonio and all of the other people that love you and our daughter and you are not going to be alone Erin," I know that they'll be here for me, they always have been, but I want him. I know how this goes, we won't know where he is all the time and we won't know how long he'll be gone. It'll be a waiting game, hoping and praying that he'll come home to us.

"You c-can't go b-back," I choke out through my cries, ignoring his previous statement, my face still firmly planted in his chest. "W-we have a daughter, w-we c-can't lose you," I cry. He grabs me by my shoulders before staring me straight in the eye.

"You are not going to lose me," He says, his eyes bright. "I'm going to come home, all in one piece, just you wait,"

"You promise?" I ask, my voice weak. I feel bad, he's the one who's going back overseas to fight for our country. He's the one risking his life, but here I am, bawling in his arms. I know what happened to him the last time he went over, he was destroyed. He came back from it, but if he goes to that dark place again, I don't know if we'll be able to pull him out the hole. I don't want to have to find out either.

"I promise Erin, I'm coming home to my girls," He relaxes his arms and lets me fall back into him as he rubs my back and I cry. I cry until I can't cry anymore. It's all just too much, I can't do all of this right now. It's just hit after hit after hit, it never stops and we just cannot get a break.

The tears have ceased, leaving their trails down my cheeks, but still he holds me, nestled tight in his arms. We stand there for what feels like forever until he releases his grasps and leads me back to our bedroom. We lay together, me curled into his side as my tears dry. Even as we lay there together it makes me sad. And terrified. I wonder about how many more nights I have lying next to this man. How long he'll be gone. And if he'll ever come back to us.

 **I'm sorry guys please don't hate me! I know I've been kind of giving them hell for the past couple chapters, but I wanted to switch over from just writing fluff. Anyway, I hoped you guys enjoyed reading this chapter and you'll be nice enough to just leave me a short review. Also I posted the first chapter a while ago to a story called Spark in the Sea and I don't know how many of you read that, but I'm not sure if I'm going to continue that one, so if you want me to, please let me know either in a review or in a PM.**

 **Thanks!  
-Addison**


	12. Chapter 12

Erin POV

I wake to see sunlight streaming through the window in our bedroom, my eyes red from crying and curled up to Jay. And for a second, less than a second maybe, everything is okay. We're just a ordinary family, nothing extraordinary has happened to us. But then it hits me again. I don't even know how much longer we have him for, I forgot to ask him through all the crying last night.

I notice him start to stir, but I leave my head resting on his bare chest, tracing patterns on his toned stomach.

"Hey." He says quietly, not moving from his spot put pressing a firm kiss to the top of my head.

"How much longer do we have you for?" I ask, cutting right to the chase. As much as I don't want to have to know, wondering is so much worse.

"I'm on the 10 o'clock flight to Columbus, Georgia on Friday and then we're shipping out from Fort Benning on the 20th." He tells me. I know that as much as I don't want to be hearing these words, he doesn't want to have to say them so, so much more.

"3 days?" I exclaim and sit up abruptly. Today's Tuesday the 14th, we only have three full days left with him.

"Yeah baby," He says softly as both of us lean back against the headboard.

"Okay we need a plan," I say, suppressing the urge to cry again. I think this is the only way to keep myself from falling apart, I need something to do or I'm just never going to stop crying.

"What?" He asks, confused my sudden change of demeanor.

"We need a plan, there's a million things to do before you leave. We need a plan," I repeat again.

"Okay," He tells me, going along with whatever I apparently need to do. "What do we need to do?"

"I don't want to tell Lucy yet, today we'll take care of everything that needs to be done and we'll tell her tonight and we'll spend the next two days as a family. But today we're going to drop her off at school and then go into the district to tell Voight, that's what we're going to do. And I don't know what you have to do like, what you have to get before you go but uh we'll figure it out,"

"Of course we will," He says as he plants a kiss on my forehead.

"Alright, so we're going to go on this morning as if everything is normal, I'm going to get in the shower first while you wake up baby girl and get her dressed and start breakfast and then we'll switch and you can shower and I'll do her hair and pack her lunch and then we'll take her to school and go to work." I say, verbally rushing through our usual morning routine.

"Alright," He tells me softly. I can tell that he's walking on eggshells around me and I feel guilty. I should be being here for him right now, not the other way around. I have no idea how he's still standing right now. I give him a quick kiss before we go our separate ways, him running to Lucy's room and me jumping into the shower.

As the nearly scalding water runs over my body, I finally get the chance to think. Just think, about everything. I know I'm in denial about this, I'm fully aware of that but it's not helping me to accept it. Everything just seems to be hitting me at once and I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll be living the next however many months in constant fear of getting the call. The call that says he's hurt or worse, having someone show up on our front door and tell me that he's not coming home. And especially after the shooting, we just can't deal with this right now. But I guess we're going to have to figure out how, we don't really have any other choice.

"Hey darling," I say as I walk into the kitchen, dropping a kiss on top of Lucy's head and a one on Jay's lips. I'm freshly showered and wearing my usual attire, jeans and a dark teal t-shirt, a tiny gold necklace bouncing off my chest and a pair of combat boots on my feet.

"Good morning Mommy," Lucy tells me, her little feet kicking under the table and picking at the scrambled eggs that Jay's made her, dressed in one of her denim button ups, a pair of black leggings, and her favorites, the red Converse. As much as Kim has tried to dress her up in fun patterns and crazy colors, Lucy generally sticks to the same thing and to Kim's dismay, it's pretty basic, the girl is just like her mama.

"Alright what are we doing your hair today Bean?" I ask once I take my usual spot behind her, hair ties and brush in hand as I begin to comb out her insane bedhead.

"I don't care," She tells me as she begins to take tiny bites of her eggs.

"Okay," I respond, slightly concerned at her demeanor, which seems to have backtracked from the progress made last night.

"Er I'm going to run up and shower, you good down here?" Jay asks, checking in with me.

"Yeah of course, we've got to leave in like twenty five minutes," I respond.

"Plenty of time, see you down here in twenty," He says, flashing me a quick smile before rushing upstairs to get ready. Lucy's pretty quiet throughout the morning, rejecting my numerous attempts at getting her to talk, something I've gotten pretty used to over the past couple weeks. I throw her usual favorites in her lunch box and toss it into her backpack, already packed with her completed homework among other things. Jay comes down a few minutes before we have to leave, bringing our 19s and our badges from the safe with him. The three of us grab coats at the door and before long we're in the 300, ready to start the day.

* * *

 **Jay POV**

"Why good morning Detective Lindsay," Platt tells Erin with a smile as we walk through the doors of the 21st, before giving her usual "Halstead," to me, with an obvious eye roll. Before we got married, we decided that to minimize confusion at work, Erin would keep Lindsay there. But for all other purposes, her last name would be Halstead. She made it very clear to me that she wanted the same last name that the rest of her family shares.

"Why good morning to you too Sergeant Platt," I say with a whole of fake enthusiasm, Erin just sends a wave her way and shoots her a quick smile. The two of us buzz up and make the ever so familiar walk up to bullpen.

"Mornin'," Adam says over a cup of coffee as he scrolls through his phone. "His greeting is echoed by the rest of the unit as we make a beeline for Voight's office, shutting the door behind us.

"What's up?" Hank asks in his usual gruff voice as the two of us take a seat in the two chairs across his desk, Erin reaching for my hand in the gap between the two.

"I've been told to report to Fort Benning in three days," I tell him. He knows exactly what I mean.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"I'm not sure, we won't know until we're on the ground," I respond, Erin squeezing my hand.

"Have you told the kid yet?" He asks, concern in his voice.

"No," Erin answers, "we wanted to care of all the administrative things, for lack of a better word, first. We're going to tell her tonight, but we thought we should get everything in order over here first and we didn't want to have to do it this morning super fast, we just found out last night,"

"Alright, you know this, but anything you need, just ask okay? And I think this goes without saying, but you both have the next three days off work and Halstead, we're going to have to bring in a replacement for you, but your job will be waiting for you the second you get back," He says.

"Thank you Hank," I say as he gets up from behind his desk to do something I don't think he's ever done to me, he embraces me in a tight hug.

"Take care of yourself over there, don't about anything on our side, I'll handle things in Chicago," He whispers, keeping his voice low enough that Erin can't hear us.

"I won't ever stop worrying about them, but my only objective right now is to come home safe to my girls,"

"As it should be," He whispers before releasing me. "Alright," He says, his voice coming back up to the normal volume, "are you going to tell the rest of them?" He asks, gesturing to the rest of the unit in the bullpen. I know they're all watching, wondering what's going down right now. That's what always happens, it's not very often that someone in this unit is in Voight's office with the door shut.

"Yeah, they deserve to know and I'm going to be gone in three days anyway so it's not like there will be many more opportunities to tell them," I tell him, Erin's hand placed firmly again in mine.

"Okay, let's do it then," He says as he gets up from behind his desk and leads us out into the bullpen. "Alright," He says gruffly, getting the attention of everyone in the bullpen, "Halstead and Lindsay have an announcement," He says before stepping aside to let Erin and I speak.

"What's up?" Atwater asks as they all turn their chairs towards us.

"Uh we have a bit of bad news," Erin starts. I can hear it in her voice that she's about to break, so I take the verbal cue and take over.

"Um in three days, I will be leaving for Fort Benning, Georgia and from there I'll be shipping out with the Rangers," I can see the shock on all of their faces, no one saw this coming. Nobody says anything for a long time.

"You serious man?" Kevin asks.

"Unfortunately," I say. Kim just comes over an engulfs me in the biggest hug.

"Come home safe okay? We're all going to pulling for you here okay?" She says into my ear.

"I know, thank you Burgess," I tell her as she release me from my hug and quickly moves over to Erin, whispering something in her ear that I can't hear and I can see the lone tear running down Erin's cheek.

"C'mere," I tell her as I pull her into my side once Kim's retreated back to her desk.

"I'm okay," She assures me as she looks up at me, the rest of the unit staring towards us and awkwardly pretending they aren't. She's not okay, I know she isn't.

"How did the kid take it?" Atwater asks.

"Uh we haven't told her yet, we didn't want it be a rushed conversation before school so she'll find out tonight," I tell him.

"How long are you going to be gone?" Olinsky asks from his hidden desk.

"I don't know yet, we go and when they're done with us, we come home," I tell him honestly. "And uh Voight gave Erin and I the next three days off, so I guess this is goodbye,"

"Oh no it's not," Ruzek says, finally speaking.

"What?" I say in response to him.

"I know that you have a lot of stuff to get done before you leave, but we're not letting you go without saying a proper goodbye alright? Everyone is coming over to our apartment on Thursday night for dinner and we'll send you out with a proper goodbye,"

"Yeah, yeah of course," Kim adds, jumping right on board with her fiance. "We'll take care of everything, just show up with that beautiful girl of yours,"

"Thank you," Erin says as she pulls Kim in for a hug once again. "We wouldn't miss it,"

"Everyone is coming," Adam demands, "I don't care if you have plans, cancel them. Got it?" The rest of the unit murmurs their agreement.

"Alright we have a lot of things to get done, but we'll see you all soon okay." I tell them as two two of us start to walk out of the bullpen hand in hand.

"Stay alive Halstead," Ruzek yells after me, needing a much needed lightness to the conversation. I feel a smile creeping onto my face, Ruzek usually sticks his foot in his mouth, but in this moment it's exactly what I needed to hear.

"I'll do my best Ruzek," I yell back with a grin. I squeeze Erin's hand and we walk through the metal gate at the bottom of the stairs together.

"Gone so soon?" Platt questions as we beeline for the exit. I think I'm even going to miss her.

"Personal day," Erin responds simply as we leave.

"Alright," Platt responds halfheartedly behind us.

"I'm driving," I announce once we reach the 300, plucking the keys from Erin's fingers.

"Excuse me?" She scoffs as I unlock the car.

"Get in the passenger seat, I need to bring you somewhere," I tell her.

"Um okay fine," She retreats, reluctantly making her way over to the passenger side. It's weird for me to be driving the 300, I don't think I've driven this car in at least six months and it couldn't have been when Erin was in the car, she always demands that she drive. Hell I'm lucky if she lets me drive my own car. it's one of her quirks and as annoying as it is, I wouldn't change it for the world. It's one of the little things that make Erin, well Erin.

"Where are we going?" She asks once we've pulled out of the lot of the 21st.

"It's a surprise," I tell her with a smirk as she rolls those hazel eyes of her's.

"You and your goddamn surprises,"

 **First off, I just want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all of your incredible reviews, this is the first time that I've let anybody read my writing, (of course with the exception of teachers) let alone publish it online and I was scared out of my mind and I was sure that no one would like it, but all of your kind words have dulled my fear and I sincerely appreciate it and I thank every single one of you. Anyway, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and you'll leave me a quick review.**

 **Much love to you all,  
\- Addie **


	13. Chapter 13

Erin POV

"Where the hell are we?" I ask for what feels like the millionth time as we drive through a Chicago suburb, Naperville I think. What the hell are we doing Naperville.

"Naperville," He responds, confirming my suspicion.

"Why are we in Naperville?" I ask. We don't know anyone in Naperville, why the hell are we in Naperville, I don't think I've been here in years. There are so many things that we have to get done today, why are we wasting time taking a drive through the suburbs.

"I want you to meet someone," He tells me. Okay so I guess he knows someone in Naperville, someone I've obviously never met. The SUV rolls through the picturesque town, past little shops and the local high school and a series of well kept neighborhoods.

I don't want to say anything to Jay, but I am panicking. Not just about the danger he's going to have to be in over there, that's at the forefront of my mind of course, but I don't know how I'm supposed to do everything by myself. Since the day we got Lucy, we've been a team. We swap out and work together and that's how it runs. How am I supposed to run the machine the when half the parts are missing? I know that I'll have the unit and Will and Natalie, but it's like having a substitute teacher in school, in theory it works, but it's just not the same. I don't want a substitute Jay, I just want Jay.

"Alright we're here," He tells me as we pull through a wrought iron archway. I don't look up fast enough to figure out what it says and we're currently driving down a very, very long road through green grass, bits of frost dancing across their tips.

I see the sea of gravestones starting to mark the ground in front of us and the pieces start to make sense and I instantly feel horrible about the things I thought before. I didn't even say them out loud, but even knowing that I thought this was a waste of time makes me want to slap myself. I reach over and grab Jay's hand that's resting on the console and look over and give him a smile.

"Thank you," I tell him. He realizes that I've figured out where we are. "You know, for bringing me here,"

"Well I figured it was about time," He says as he pulls into a parking spot. He smiles at me once again before we jump out of the car and he grabs my hand and leads me through the mass of graves before us.

I know that a lot of people find cemeteries creepy, but I've always found them a little bit fascinating. Yes, they are just stones in the grass with some writing on them, but if you think a little harder, every one of these stone has a story, each one of them represents a life and a family that you'll never know. As someone who has spent a lot of her adult life putting together the past lives of people that have died, it's pretty amazing.

After a couple minute walk, my gloved hand held in his. We reach not one, but two stones, much to my confusion.

"Erin, this is my mom Cadence and my sister Piper," He says, a sadness I've never seen on his face as he looks down at the two stones in front of me. He told me that his mom died, but he's never really gone into detail about it.

"It's very nice to meet them," I tell him gently as I observe the two graves, running my eyes over every little detail. _Cadence Elizabeth and Piper Rosalie._ These are the women who made Jay the incredible man that he is today and I know that I owe almost everything to them. Will told me he would open up about everything when he was ready, so I guess he's ready now. There's a bench right in front of the stones, so we take a seat, right next to each other.

"I come here pretty often, but uh I've never brought anybody with me, other than Will I mean," He says slowly, combing through his mind to find the right words. "But with everything that's been going on, I thought it might be important," I nod up at him, but I don't say anything, waiting for him to speak again. "Hey Mom, Pipes, I know I haven't been here in awhile, things have been a little crazy," I quickly realize that he's talking to them. I know that neither of us have believed in anything like that, but when you lose someone so close to you, it can help to believe that they are watching down on you and that they can hear you when you talk to them. Whether or not it's real, I don't know. But I know it helps.

I see the two bouquets of flowers on each of their graves, both are dried and starting to freeze, but they were positioned with care, probably by Jay and Will on their last visit.

"I'm going back to Rangers in a few days and I just wanted to stop by and say hi before I left. I know I told you guys about Lucy, but you know that girl that I've been telling you about for so long, I finally married her," I feel my mouth curve into a smile. This is a side of him that I've never seen before. I've seen him as a cop, a little brother, a husband, and a father. But I've never seen him as a son and as a big brother who just wants to make his mom and sister proud. "And it was one of the best decisions I've ever made," He says as he leans down to kiss my, the freeze of the bitter air momentarily warmed but the touch of his lips.

"So I just met your mom?" I say with a smile.

"Closet thing to it," He says as he pulls me into his side in a an attempt to shield me from the bitter breeze blowing around us.

"Tell me about her," I ask as I snuggle closer into his side. He's told a few things about Piper here and there after that morning in the cabin, but I've heard exactly nothing about his mom.

"She was the most amazing mom, you know that my dad wasn't the best parent but my mom, she made up for that. She didn't work and she was at every school event, she volunteered at least twice a week in our classrooms and she was team mom for every sport that any of us did. She was supermom. When I was in high school, I was on the football team and every night after games, we didn't go out or go to parties, my friends and I would just come over and hang out at my house and everyone loved my mom. She was like a mom to all of them. She never let any of them call her Mrs. Halstead, she said it made her feel old." He says with a bit of a laugh. "She asked for everyone to call her Cady, which was what all of her friends and family called her, but they didn't want to do that either, so for all four years of high school, my mom was called Mama Halstead by probably half of my grade,"

"Mama Halstead?" I say with a laugh.

"Mama Halstead," He confirms with a smile as he loops his arm over my shoulder. "Everybody loved her,"

"She sounds incredible," I tell him as I lean onto his shoulder. "I hope that I can be as good of a mom to our child as she was for the three of you,"

"You already are," He replies before planting a kiss on my forehead.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," He responds with a smile, "I remember when she found out that Piper was going to be a girl, she got so excited. She loved us more than anything and we knew that, but she'd always wanted a daughter. Will and I were 12 and 10 at the time, so she had given up on it a long time ago, so she was so excited. We all were, Will and I told all our friends that we were getting a little sister and I can still remember the day she was born." He says, that big smile returning to his face once again.

"The two of us took her everywhere her entire life. The same way my mom was everybody's mom, Piper was everybody's little sister. She sat on the bench with us during every football game and she would just float around, sitting on everyone's knees or being held on somebody's hip. And uh when it would get cold, she would wear this puffy parka, it was bright pink and she had this uh black and red Blackhawks hat, you know the ones with the pom pom on top. It was way too big for her and it was constantly falling down over her eyes, but she loved that damn hat and she refused to take it off and it didn't match that stupid pink jacket at all, but she loved them both so much and she wanted to wear them every day. I miss her all the time. Oh God Erin I wish you could have known her," He tells me.

"I feel like I do," I reassure him gently. "Your stories and all the pictures of her around the lake house, that's how she stays alive and as long as you don't stop, she's never going to really be gone,"

"Yeah," He says as he stares down at the graves in front of us, I can tell that he's only half with me right now. But I can read the look on his face and I know exactly what it means.

"Hey," I say trying to get his attention, "you're coming back Jay, everything is going to be okay,"

"But what if it's not Erin, what if I die over there,"

"Jay no," I plead with him. "you can't think like that,"

"Erin, I'm scared. The last time I went over there I was over there, I almost didn't make it back." He tells me.

"No," I say again, refusing to accept what he's telling me right now. "I know you're scared, anybody in their right mind would be, but we can't change anything now. So we're going to make the best of it. You're going to over there and get done whatever you need to get done and I'll hold down the fort over here and then you're going to come home and it's going to be like you never left, okay?"

"Okay," He agrees. I can tell that he's still thinking the exact same thing, but I'm not even going to entertain the notion of him not coming back to us. That's not happening.

* * *

Jay POV

Throughout the rest of the day, everything goes normally. We took care of everything that needed to be done so that we could spend the next two days focusing completely on our family. I had called the school and explained the situation and told them that we'd be pulling Lucy from school for the next two days. Of course they understood and two hours later we picked Lucy up and Erin and I had decided that we were going to tell her during dinner, so we went home and did all the things we usually do, not letting on that anything was wrong. Lucy didn't question why we picked her at the normal time rather than her going to her school's after care for a couple hours, I think she was just happy that we picked her up early.

I finish up dinner as Erin sit across the island from me, her mind clearly somewhere else and Lucy tucked away in her bedroom doing her homework, and Percy conked out on his bed in the living room after a long day of chasing invisible things.

"So," Erin says, "what are we going to tell her?"

"I think we just have to be straight up with her, but also explain it in a way that's going to make sense to her. And knowing our daughter, we'll just have to thoroughly explain it to her so she knows exactly what's happening. That's all we can do,"

"Yeah," Erin responds.

"What's wrong," I ask, seeing the lines appearing on her forehead.

"I don't know, it just seems like the more people we tell, the more real it becomes,"

"Babe, it's already real. It's happening and I know you don't want to accept it, neither do I. But the faster we do, the better because it's happening and we can't stop it."

"I know that, but I just don't want to leave us. Especially after everything that happened, I don't know I just, I'm scared Jay. I'm scared that it's going to break her,"

"I know, I know, but she's not going to break, our little girl is a fighter. And just like you said, we have to believe in the best case scenario," I tell her as she twists her rings around her finger. It's almost as we've switched mindsets from earlier today. Am I still scared out of my mind? Yes. Do I still thinks it's a very real possibility that I won't come home? Also yes. But I'm not going to tell her that again. I just need her to get her never ending optimism back and she can hope for the both of us.

I hear Lucy's little feet and I instantly know to stop talking. She appears in the kitchen, a smile on her face and heads right over to her dog. She'd come home in a really good mood today, I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm not going to question it, just savor it.

"Hey Luce, dinner's almost ready," I call as she rubs the top of Percy's head. I think it's been good for her, having a dog. Especially after the shooting, she didn't have to talk when she was with him and he wasn't worried about her, a well needed escape for her. Erin and I couldn't help but watch her every move, so it was nice for her just be able to lay down with him and not have to worry about anything.

"Coming Daddy," She says, still clearly wrapped up in her dog as I place the pot of chicken noodle soup on the kitchen table. Our table could seat ten, easily and it's way, way too big for just the three of us. But the three of us gathering at the end, Erin and I on either side and Lucy in between us at the head, it just works. Plus it allows us to have the entire unit over for dinner without much extra effort.

"Lucy Claire," Erin calls again once the two of us are settled in our usual spots.

"I'm coming!" She exclaims in slight frustration as rushes towards us, Percy in his usual gait right behind her, his nails that probably need to be clipped, clicking on the hardwood floors.

"How was your day?" Erin asks as Lucy slides into her seat.

"Good, Ms. Owens finally came back," She tells us as Erin begins to ladle soup into everyone's bowls. Oh that's where the good mood came from. That child absolutely loves Meredith Owens and she's been asking us almost every single day when she was coming back.

"Oh good," I respond, "What'd you guys do?"

"We learned about the color wheel and shapes today," She responds. "And then after the lesson we got to play with these block things in all different shapes and see if we could get them to fit together, Ms. Owens said is was called a mosac? I'm not sure, something like that,"

"A mosaic?" Erin fills in for her.

"Yeah that!" She exclaims with a smile. I feel a grin creeping onto my face, seeing that spark again, the light in her eyes. I hate that I might be the one to take that away from her again. I give Erin a look from across the table, we have to tell her now, we can't stall it anymore.

"Luce your daddy and I have to talk to you about something,"

"What is it?" She asks, taking in a mouthful of soup and slurping up a noodle.

"So you know how your mom and I, we're police officers right?" I ask her.

"Uh huh, you catch the bad guys,"

"That's exactly right," I say with a solemn smile, "so somebody wants me to go fight the bad guys somewhere far away,"

"What?" She says, looking up, her gaze swapping between the two of us with confusion swimming in them.

"You know that Daddy used to be in the Army right?" Erin says, choosing to break this down a little bit further.

"Uh huh, he was a Ranger," She says with a nod. She doesn't know much about Jay's past or mine for that matter, but she knows that her dad was a Ranger, a fact that she will sometimes proudly announce.

"Well sweet girl, the Rangers want him to come back and fight with them,"

"You're leaving us?" She says, looking up at me with tears brimming her eyes. If there is one thing that can break my heart, it's those eyes. Those big hazel eyes, the same ones as her mother.

"Baby I don't want to, you have to know that. I love you and your mom more than anything in the entire world and I would do anything to stay here with you, but I don't have a choice," I assure her as tears begin to flow down her face.

"You always have a choice!" She yells back at me before leaping out of her chair and running towards the stairs, her feet pounding. I can feel my heart break just a little bit more with every step that she takes.

"Lucy!" I call after her, pleading but to no avail. I hear her bedroom door slam and feeling defeated, I get up to chase after her.

"Jay, hold back," Erin says, putting her hand on my shoulder, "I got this one,"

* * *

Erin POV

"Lucy, can I come in sweet girl?" I ask as I knock lightly on her bedroom door. She doesn't answer so I go to pull down the doorknob and I push the door in slowly. I see her curled up in her bed against the wall, knees pulled into her chest, her eyes red and her face already blushed from crying. "Bean can I come sit with you?" She nods reluctantly nods and I make my way over to her. The bed moves under my weight as I imitate her position right next to her.

"You know that Daddy loves you, he loves you more than anything in the world," I tell her, taking one of her small hands in mine and rubbing circles with my thumb on the top of it.

"Then why is he leaving us?" She cries. None of this is making sense to her, she doesn't understand the concept of deployment, all that makes sense in her mind is that her dad is leaving.

"Baby, do you know what happens in the Army?" I ask her.

"Not really," She says with a sniffle as she wipes her running nose of her denim sleeve.

"Well they fight the bad guys, just like Dad and I do in Chicago. But a long time ago Daddy signed up to be in the United States Army and he was a great soldier. He was so good, that now they need him again. He doesn't want to leave us, but he doesn't have a choice. I know that you think that people always have a choice and in most times, that's true. But he doesn't have a choice right now," I tell her, looping my arm around her and pulling her in tight.

"Why?" She asks, her tears subsiding slightly.

"That's just how the Army works my darling," I tell her, "and unfortunately, we can't do anything about it. But what you can do right now, is go downstairs, give Daddy a kiss and tell him that you love him. Trust me baby, he want's to stay so, so bad and he already feels horrible that he has to go, so we have to give him extra hugs, extra kisses, and extra love okay?"

"I going to miss him so much," She says as she collapses into my arms.

"I know sweet girl, I'm going to miss him too," I tell her as I rub circles on her back, my rasp accentuated by my effort to hold back tears, "But he has to go, so we have to make the best of a really bad situation okay? I need you to be brave, we going to have to be brave together. We are going to be okay, we are all going to be okay" I say as I hold her face in front of mine. She nods rapidly, still sniffling and one last lone tear running down her face. "Alright," I say as I wipe the tears from her face. "Let's go see your daddy,"

 **Thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to read and review this story, I appreciate every single one of you. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and you'll take a minute to leave me a short review.**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	14. Chapter 14

Erin POV

Today's the day. God it seems like the last two days have flown by faster than ever before. I've accepted it, the fact that he's leaving, but it still doesn't make things any easier. I've been crying, a lot. I didn't want him to find out or Lucy to catch on, so once in awhile I would have to just sit in my car, alone with my face buried in the palms of my hands and just sob, apologetically.

Lucy has been holding it together better than I thought she would, though I'm fairly sure that she's in denial, worse than I was and Jay's been a rock for the both of us.

We went to the dinner at Burgess and Ruzek's last night and there was a lot of hugging and crying, as to be expected but it was good. The three of us are a family, but they're our family too and I knew that this was going to be hard on them.

"How do I look?" Jay asks, emerging from the bathroom freshly showered and dressed in full uniform, camouflage all the way down and tan boots covering his feet, his name stitched into the fabric and his hair cut shorter than usual.

"You look hot," I tell him with a smirk, from my spot on the corner of the bed. I know that today's probably going to be a sad day, so for as long as I can, I'm going to smile.

"You're not looking so bad yourself," He says with a grin as he makes his way over to me, pulling me into a deep kiss.

"Oh please," I say once we've come up for air, "I'm wearing the same thing I always do," Literally, a black and red flannel over jeans and a pair of black boots, my hair done in waves and light make up covering my face.

"And you always looks beautiful," He says, leaning in to kiss me again. I give him a quick slap on the arm and a smirk, "What can I say," He says, holding his hands up in defense, "My girl's hot,"

"I'm going to miss you," I say with a half smile.

"Hey I'm going to be back before you know it babe," He says as he lays his hand along my face, bringing a familiar warmness to my cool skin.

"I know," I say, putting my hand over his. "Just promise me you'll be careful over there. I know how you are and it's one of the reasons that I love you, but don't be a hero okay? Just come home to us,"

"All I'm focusing on is coming home to my girls"

"Good," I tell him with a smile.

"Same thing goes for you, I know it's going to be someone else having for your back for the next however many months, but be careful. Never g-"

"Never go in without backup," I finish for him, "I know, I'll be safe,"

"Promise?" He asks.

"I promise," I assure him, "let's go get the little stinker up, we've got to leave for O'Hare in like 20 minutes," We thought about getting her up earlier, but we decided to let her sleep in. She's been up pretty late with the two of us the past couple nights and even though she wouldn't ever say anything, we knew that she was exhausted.

"Let's do it," He tells me. It's hard, even doing all the little things because they could be the last time they happen. The last time we wake her up, the last time we have a unit dinner, the last time he tries to convince me to let him drive, they could all be the last. He grabs my hand in his and we make the short walk down the hallway to her bedroom.

"Hey Bean," Jay says as the two of us approach her bed, him sitting on the edge and me standing right behind him. I hear her groan as she rolls over, smushing her face into her pillow. "Wake up," He says gently, rubbing her back in an attempt to ease her into the day. "Luce we've got to get ready to go the airport,"

"That's today?" She says, rolling back over and sitting up finally. "You're wearing your uniform, you're leaving?"

"Yeah baby, I'm leaving," He says reluctantly, his hand now placed comfortingly on her shoulder.

"Do you have to?" She asks, her eyes pleading in a last ditch effort.

"Luce we've talked about this, you know that Daddy has to leave. But he's going to be back just as soon as you know it. But right now we've got to get ready to go to the airport," I tell her gently. "You don't want us to leave you here do you?" I tease slightly, knowing that that will get her moving.

"No!" She shrieks as she hops out of her little bed, rendering a laugh from the both of us.

"Alright girly, Dad's going to get you dressed and I'm going to make some breakfast real quick," I say as I get up to leave her room.

"You sure?" She says, her eyebrows raised as she questions my cooking skills.

"Hey I can cook alright!" I argue back playfully, her and Jay exchanging glances. "I can!" I respond.

"Uh huh," Lucy says with a smirk on her face, something she's obviously learning from her dad.

"I can cook!" I exclaim again, knowing that there is possibly a bit of truth to her words but not wanting to back down.

"Of course baby," Jay says, grinning down at Lucy as he pulls me into his side. "Just don't starve my kid while I'm gone," He says with a grin, Lucy giggling in the background.

"Oh whatever," I retort, squirming out of his hold and out her bedroom door. "And you guys are going to like what I made, trust me,"

"Okay Mama," Lucy says with a giggle as I leave with a wave. I make my way down to the kitchen and I decide on a simple breakfast that even I can't screw up, smoothies and oatmeal. I know that Jay would probably make something better, but I want her to have as much time to spend with her dad as possible. I've gotten to spend time with him alone after she goes to sleep, so I want to be able to give her time alone with him. I start throwing berries, orange juice, and yogurt in the blender and the oatmeal on the stove as I hear Lucy's giggle drifting down the staircase.

"Well I don't see smoke so that's a good sign," Jay says with a smile as he enters the kitchen, Lucy resting on his hip and Percy following close behind them.

"Oh haha," I respond sarcastically as Jay slides Lucy onto a bar stool before taking his spot beside her.

"What did ya make?" She asks me cheekily.

"Strawberry smoothies and oatmeal with blueberries," I say as I begin to slide the food across the granite. "I know, not as good as Dad's pancakes, but it'll have to do alright?"

"And we're very grateful," Jay says with a smile as he nudges Lucy. "Aren't we?"

"Yes ma'am," She tells me with a smile.

* * *

"Are we almost there?" Lucy asks as she bounces in her seat in the backseat of the Pilot. She didn't seem as sad as I thought she would be, she seems to be in a oddly enthusiastic mood. I'm almost certain that Jay must have said something to her while he was getting her dressed, keep her head up and smile and that he'll be back soon or something like that. I have a sneaking suspicion that she's trying to keep her happy face on, but I'm almost certain that they'll be almost automatic implosion the moment he steps onto that plane.

"Almost sweet girl, we've just got to find a parking space," I tell her as I turn around from the passenger seat. At Jay's request, he's driving his car for the last time in what will probably be a very long while, and for the first time in probably forever, I didn't even fight him about driving.

"And here we are," Jay announces as we pull into a rare empty parking spot. "Alright 2G, don't forget that Luce, because if you do your mom will never find the car," He says with a chuckle.

"Got it," She says, looking back at Jay with a huge smile.

"Alright Halsteads let's go," I say as I jump out of the passenger seat, a small leather cross body bag slung around my petite frame. I go to unbuckle Lucy while Jay grabs his duffel from the trunk.

"How you feeling Bean?" I ask her as I pull her out of her seat. We should probably switch her to a booster soon, she's been getting extra squirmy in the harness seat.

"I'm okay," She tells me. Crap. Even at 5 years old, she's stuffing her feelings down. I know it well, I am the poster child for withholding my emotions and I know that it almost always ends badly.

"Okay," I say, deciding not to question it for now and setting her down on the pavement. "You can always talk to me if you need to you know that right?"

"Yeah," She says simply before running off to see her dad. He smiles down at her and jumps into his arms, him holding her with one and the duffel bag with the other arm.

"You want me to grab your bag?" I ask, knowing that he's not going to want to put Lucy down.

"Nah I got it," He says as he leans down to give me a quick kiss.

"Ew," Lucy groans as she looks up us.

"Oh do you have a problem with that little girl?" I tease as I tickle her stomach. "How about this?" I say as I reach up for another kiss. I see her scrunch up her face out of the corner of my eyes and my lips widen into a smile.

"Oh how am I going to disgust our daughter without you?" I say, trying to get a rise out of her as we advance towards the airport entrance.

"You'll just have to figure it out," He responds playfully. But his response does strike a deeper chord, there's a whole lot of things that we're going to have to figure out how to do without him. But I keep a smile on my face. I walk close to them, the heels of her red Converse smacking against my side with every step he takes.

Jay had already printed out his boarding pass and he doesn't have any checked bags, so we don't even have to check in and he arranged with the airline for Lucy and I to get gate passes so we could go through security and take him right up to the jet bridge.

I'm fairly quiet as we walk through the airport, silently listening as Lucy whispers her little lines of speech into his ear, smiles appearing on his lips every couple minutes. We get through security pretty quickly, Lucy as usual getting overly excited about the monitors and metal detectors. We've done a few flights with her, to and from California when we took her to Disneyland right after the adoption and she's done Chicago to New York once when Olivia has asked for both of us to help her work a case early in the summer, and every single time she gets excited about security. There's just something about the noises and lights and conveyor belts that is so very exciting to her.

"Alright we're here," I say as we approach gate H17. "Your flight boards in like five minutes, so we're cutting it pretty close but you have everything you need right?" I say, not realizing at all that I'm rambling just a little bit.

"Erin," He says looking over at me, "I'm good, everything's good," He assures me. "I just want to spend some time with my girls,"

"Alright," I say as we make our way over to a empty set of chairs, him setting his bag on the ground and settling Lucy in his lap.

"Daddy?" She says, looking up at him.

"Yeah?" He responds.

"I made you something," She says.

"You did?" He responds with a smile.

"Yeah," She tells him, biting her lip a little bit, "it's in Mama's bag,"

"It is?" I say surprised, all of this unknown to me.

"Yeah, I kinda slipped it in there last night before we went to sleep," She says sheepishly.

"Oh you sneaky girl," I say with a grin as I hand my purse over to her. She reaches inside and pulls out an envelope, "Daddy" written in a glittery green pen in her messy scrawl.

"Don't open it until you really need to okay?" She tells him.

"Understood," He tells her with a smile.

"Pinky swear?" She asks, holding out her tiny finger.

"Pinky swear," He confirms as he loops his finger within hers.

"I'm going to miss you Daddy," She tells him, a first lone tear sliding down her cheek as her demeanor flips on a dime.

"I know baby, I'm going to miss you too, more than you could ever know," He responds, wiping away her tear and pulling her in close. It breaks my heart, seeing how much pain this is causing both of them. All I want to do is protect my family, they are all that matters, the three of us, that's it. But I can't protect them from this, this pain is inescapable.

"Flight 374 to Columbus will begin boarding in two minutes," The serene voice announces over the loudspeaker.I feel my heart fall to the ground, this is it.

"That's me Bean," He says, getting up as she wraps her little arms around his neck, burying her face in his neck as the floodgates break, tears flowing freely down her cheeks, I'm barely holding it together myself. "Shh, shh, shh, it's okay," He calms her, rubbing circles on her back as I stand close beside them, my hand resting on his shoulder. "I'll be home before you know it okay, but I need you to be strong, for me and for your mom okay?" She takes her head out from his neck and nods rapidly with a slight whimper. "You can do it, you're a Halstead and everything is going to be okay, I promise,"

"I love you," She tells him.

"I love you too Bean," He whispers in her ear, "don't ever forget that okay?"

"I won't," She tells him.

"Okay, I'm going to put you down for just a second so I can say goodbye to Mama okay? And then I'm going to pick you right back up again," She nods at him again before he places her on the ground, her arms wrapped firmly around his legs.

"Be careful alright?" I tell him as he pulls me in for a tight hug.

"I will, same thing goes for you," He whispers in my ear.

"I love you Jay and you better come back to us," I tell him as I start to feel the tears roll down my cheeks.

"I wouldn't dream of anything else," He responds. "Hey I've got something for you," He says as he releases me.

"What?" I ask simply, wiping the tears from under my eyes as he sticks his hand into his pocket, pulling out a long silver chain and revealing his dog tags at the end of it and places them around my neck.

"Don't you need these?"

"I got new ones," He says, pulling aside his collar and showing me the new chain.

"Thank you," I tell him, dropping a quick kiss.

"There's one more thing," He says, after draping the tags around my neck and tucking them under my shirt.

"What is it?" I ask as he goes to pull off his wedding ring.

"Wait what are you doing?"

"We're allowed to wear wedding bands overseas, but I don't want to lose mine," He says as he places it in my hand, "hold onto for me?"

"Of course," I say, closing my hand around it and placing it the normally useless tiny front pocket of my jeans.

"And Erin," He says, grabbing my chin gently, "I love you too," He says pulling my chin up and meeting my lips with his.

"We're going to be okay," I tell him, trying to convince myself as much as I am him.

"Of course we are," He responds as he grabs Lucy up off the floor.

"Alright we're going to begin boarding now," That same voice says on the PA.

"Okay, I've got to go now," He says, planting a kiss on Lucy's forehead before transferring her into my arms.

"Daddy no," She cries, trying to climb back into his arms as he bends down to grab his bag.

"I love you baby," He says as he engulfs both of us in a hug. "Everything is going to be just fine,"

"Be careful," I tell him again as he kisses me one last time.

"Always, I'll call as soon as I can," He says, placing a kiss onto Lucy's blushed cheeks.

"I love you Halstead," I tell him tearfully as he holds us for one last second.

"I love you too, both of you," He says as he begins to release his hold. "I'm coming home Lindsay,"

"I know you are," I tell him as he walks away from us, tears in my eyes and sobs falling from Lucy as he walks down the jet bridge. We stand there until we can't see him anymore and for the first time, he's gone. It's just us now.

"He's gone," Lucy whimpers in my ear.

"Yeah Luce, he's gone," I tell her, cradling her in my arms, "but it's going to be okay, everything is going to be okay,"

* * *

It's been three days since he left. I'm not going to lie, it's been hard, really hard. I've cried more than I have in a long time and Lucy has been sleeping in our bed every night, one of his t-shirts held close to her face as she tries to remember his scent. We've heard from him twice, one as soon as he landed in Georgia and another time when arrived at base. He told me that he wasn't going to have many opportunities to talk, but I didn't think it would be this hard.

Especially today, November 20. Today's the day that his unit ships out to wherever there's going in this world. We haven't been able to hear from him too much, but at least we knew exactly where he was, after today we won't even know that. A piece of my heart left when he walked down that jet bridge and I won't be exactly the same until he's back in my arms again, safe and sound.

Natalie, Will, and Owen have been around a lot, Will and Owen trying to distract Lucy from the crappy, crappy situation and Natalie has just been here to talk. She's been through it and more than any of my other friends, she gets it. We pretty much spent the whole weekend holed up in the house, but it's time to get back to work. I took Lucy back to school today and I know that she didn't want to go back, but we have to get back into a routine. That's been strange, not a good strange as we relearned all the routines.

As I walk up the stairs to the bullpen, it feels weird. It's the first time in a long time that Jay isn't right there next to me or waiting for me at his desk with a cup of coffee. I don't like the feeling.

"How are you doing Erin?" Kim asks as I make it up, the rest of the unit obviously watching me intently, I know they'll all be walking on eggshells today. I peer into Voight's office, but he's noticeably absent from his the room.

"We're holding it together," I tell her honestly, not putting any flourishes on it.

"Good, if you need anything, just let me know alright? That goes for all of us," She tells me. I know the rest of the unit isn't saying anything because they don't want to say the wrong thing.

"Guys, I know this hard, for everybody," I tell them, deciding to be straight up with them, "but please don't coddle me. It's just a normal day and I don't need to be handled like I'm going to break alright. I'm not going to break," I assure them as I take my spot at my desk. I know that they aren't going to listen to what I said, they're all still waiting for me to freak out or start crying, but I'm good.

"Alright listen up," Voight announces as he appears, coming up the stairs, some guy I've never seen behind him. "This is Wesley Hayden, our old friend Antonio worked with him back in Vice and he vouched for him. He's going to partner up with Erin and he'll be here until we don't need him anymore, make him feel welcome," Voight gives him a slap on the back before retreating to his office. Yeah there is a very low chance of that happening.

"Just Wes is fine," He tells us as Voight leaves.

"Welcome to Intelligence Just Wes," Olinsky says, not even looking up from his desk. The rest of the unit gives him halfhearted welcomes. I know that no one wants him to be here, there haven't been very many days that we've all sat up here without Jay, but he's here now so we might as well make the best of it.

"Hey," I say as I get up to shake his hand. "Erin Lindsay, I guess I'm your partner." It almost feels wrong to have those words come out of my mouth, Jay's the only partner I've ever had in Intelligence. He's the only partner I ever want to have.

"Wes Hayden, glad to meet you," He says, returning the shake.

"You too," I lie through my teeth, nope not glad to meet you. I never wanted to have to meet you.

"Uh should I take a desk?" He asks.

"I guess yeah," I take a look around and sadly realize that the only one open is Jay's. "That one," I say reluctantly.

"Thanks," He says as he makes his way over to the chair, dropping his bag in the seat. I nod over at him before making my way over to the break room for coffee, I really need coffee.

I grab my mug from the cabinet and I feel a pang in my chest as I see the one that he always used. It's been the little things that make me miss him more, seeing his towel hanging unused in the bedroom or a pair of his shoes waiting by the front door/

"So," I hear from behind, the noise startling me. I turn around to see Wes behind me. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you," He says in response to my jump.

"Don't worry about it," I respond.

"So who am I replacing?" He asks.

"Excuse me?" I ask, turning quickly to face him, this guy really doesn't beat around the bush.

"Sorry it's just, I noticed the faces when I got up here. Your guys don't really want me to be here, so who am I replacing?"

"Yeah, first off, you aren't replacing anybody." I say firmly, "you are filling in and as soon as he gets back, you are gone, just want to make sure you understand that," I tell him. I know that I'm being probably a bit harsher than I should, but there's just something about this guy that I don't like. While it's a very real possibility that the thing I don't like about him is that he's not Jay and I'd be tough on anyone that's not him, but I don't know.

"Got it, but uh what happened?" He asks, a bit more gently this time after realizing my bite.

"His name is Jay Halstead, he's been my partner for over four years and he was called back into the Army, Rangers." I start, "everybody loves him so don't expect to be accepted with open arms right away, but uh they should come around," I decide to leave out the part about Jay being my husband and having a child with him, he doesn't get to know that yet.

"Oh alright," He says, "I don't want to step on any toes, so I'm just going to lay low and do my job,"

"Smart move," I tell him as I turn to leave the break room.

"Lindsay, my office," Voight says as he knocks on the open door.

"Coming," I follow him into his office, him shutting the door behind me.

"How are you doing kid?" He asks gruffly once he's settled behind his desk, me standing awkwardly in the corner.

"We're getting by." I answer simply. "She misses him and she's been sleeping in our bed, but I think she's okay,"

"Not what I asked, how are you doing?" He reiterates.

"Same, it's been hard and I miss him, but we're getting by,"

"Alright," He responds, clearly unsure of my answer. "You okay to work today? Just say the word and I'll send you home,"

"No I'm good, this is the best place for me to be right now." I say as I turn to leave.

"Erin," He says, stopping me in my tracks, "anything you need, we're here, lean on your unit,"

"I know," I respond, "thank you, "

"Anytime kid,"

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you'll leave me a review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addison**


	15. Chapter 15

**Erin POV**

"So tell me about yourself," Hayden asks as he sits in the passenger seat next to me. We've got a body called in about twenty minutes ago with a gunshot wound to the head and they found drugs on him so we think that he might have been part of a ring that we've been chasing for a while now, we've hit a bunch of dead ends but we're hoping that this might lead us onto something.

"What makes you think you get to know anything about me?" I respond, keeping myself tight lipped as we all know that I'm not very good as opening up.

"Well, we're partners now right, we should know about each other," He says, not letting up on the topic. I'm not surprised that Antonio vouched for him, so far he reminds me a lot of my old unit member.

"Fine, then you tell me about yourself," I tell him, "you've got to earn it before I tell you anything about me,"

"Alright that's fair, what do you want to know?" He says, his hand latched on the roof handle thing, in the exact same way that Jay always does

"Let's start simple, where are you from?" I ask, pushing a loose wave out of my face and behind my ear .

"I was here, my parents got divorced when I was five and my mother took my sister and I to live with her parents in San Francisco, you?"

"Haven't ever lived outside Chicago," I answer, "You married?" I ask, his left hand hidden and I didn't bother to check earlier.

"Recently divorced." He tells me, holding up a newly bare left ring finger, tan line still intact. Yeah, more similarities to Antonio. They're around the same age and they must have been close or at least friends because Antonio doesn't vouch for just anyone.

"Kids?" I ask simply, focusing on the road ahead.

"Yes," He says, his voice short. Well that's good, we can bond on that at least, parents always seem to be able to talk about their kids so we can use that to fill and awkward silence or two.

"You going to expand on that at all?" I ask.

"I don't know, you want to answer a question about yourself?"

"Nicely played," I respond, the usual smirk absent from my face. I don't really want to talk to this guy, but he's Antonio's guy so he must be good police and I should give him a shot. "Shoot, what do you want to know?"

"Uh you married?" He asks me, giving my simple question right back to me.

"I am," I tell him, removing my left hand from the wheel for a second, flashing my wedding rings.

"Pretty," He says commenting on my rings, "Who's the lucky guy?"

"You don't get to know that yet," I respond, "besides I answered your question, answer mine,"

"I have three boys, twelve, ten, and six,"

"Huh, interesting," I respond, biting my lip a bit as I try to find subjects to entertain. "What are their names?"

"Grant, Tanner, and Beck," He responds, pulling out his phone and showing me his lock screen, three smiling blonde haired, blue eyed boys hanging on their dad.

"Cute," I tell him as I look over to take a peek at the photo. "They don't look anything like you," Maybe I'd see that they had the same nose or something if I looked closer, but as for their hair and eyes, they don't seem to share any features with my brand new brown eyed and dark haired partner.

"Fortunately they took after my wife, well ex-wife now,"

"Not your call?" I ask, subtly digging into him.

"Well, not exactly," He responds, leaving it open to about a thousand interpretations. "You got kids?" He asks, jumping right away from the subject of his marriage.

"I might,"

"You do," He confirms for himself with a swift nod of the head.

"Excuse me?" I say, with a lift of my right eyebrow towards him.

"I've been playing dumb for a while now, but there's a sparkly black shoe and a granola bar wrapper in the back seat, plus I saw you toss a booster in the trunk when you thought I was still in the building,"

"You were spying on me?" I say, looking over at him accusingly with an eyebrow raised.

"I'm a cop, I was observing," He responds casually.

"How do you know that it's not my niece or nephew or something?" I say, testing him.

"Well it could be, but you would have just said that it was your niece or nephew, so you've just confirmed my theory," He says with a smug grin on his face.

"Fine you got me," I say, admitting defeat. "I have a daughter, she's five,"

"That's a fun age," He responds. "I miss having kids that little,"

"C'mon you've got a six year old," I respond, almost whacking him on the arm, but holding myself back, I don't really know this guy yet.

"Yeah but he acts so much older, Grant and Tanner are constantly throwing him around so I forget how little he is sometimes," He says, a certain sadness behind his words.

"Yeah," I acknowledge absentmindedly. "I've got a little girl and she's an only child, but she's a scrappy little thing." If feels weird talking to him, I'm trying to keep my distance but only because it feels, in a very strange way, that I'm cheating on Jay. He's been my only partner and I don't like having someone else in the passenger seat of the 300, it just doesn't feel right, it feels like I'm doing something wrong.

"You think about adding to the pack?"

"Maybe, we're not really in the best place to do that right now, but someday," I answer, keeping things vague. I'm willing to give this guy a shot, but I'm not going to go and reveal my entire life story to him. "He would have five more kids if I let him, but I'm only game for maybe one more, two hands, two parents, two kids, that all I can handle,"

"Yeah, Beck was a little bit of a surprise baby, we thought we'd be stopping at two, but life has it's curve balls right? Well he ended up being a pretty great curve ball, but curve ball nonetheless,"

"Yeah I know how you feel," I tell him.

"Your daughter unexpected?"

"Yeah something like that," I tell him, keeping my answer vague again as images of Lucy's first day with us rush through my mind. That was a tough day, she spent most of it crying, but it was also the first day of the best part of my life. "Alright we're here," I say as we roll up to the crime scene. We're the last ones on scene, the other three cars already on sight and the rest of the unit huddled in front of them, around what I presume is the body.

"What do we got?" I ask, slamming the door of the 300, gravel shifting under my boots and Jay's now familiar dog tags bouncing from my chest underneath my shirt.

"Our victim is Christopher Kress, 16 years old and he's a junior at Newhall Prep," Voight says gruffly as the two of us approach the body, laying face down on the gravel, a single gunshot wound through the side of his head, his grey eyes still open. "Body's still warm, ME thinks that he was killed recently, less than three hours ago,"

"I assume that's our cause of death," Ruzek says, pointing to the hole in the side of his skull.

"You would assume correctly,"

"So what do we have that connecting him to our marijuana ring," I ask.

"Take a look at this Lindsay," Atwater says as he dumps a backpack containing just under a dozen little bags of weed, the letter J stamped on the front in purple ink and a few wads of cash. "We've seen this before, this branding, that's what connecting us to the ring,"

"Alright what are we talking, gangs? Who's running this thing?" Hayden asks, not really filled in on the case yet.

"High schoolers," Voight interrupts. "This is the first body to drop, but we think that the ring is operating inside of Newhall,"

"Newhall Prep? Rich white kids running around with their dad's credit cards?" Hayden intercepts. "They're running a marijuana ring?"

"Isn't the first time we've seen something like this," Ruzek informs him.

"Alright, the medical examiner has got it from here, Hayden and Lindsay, swing by the kid's house to do the notification and ask a couple questions, the mother's name is Angelina Prater, the address will be in your phone, we think it's drug related, but cover all your bases alright? The rest of you meet me back at the district, we're going to start building our case,"

"Got it," I tell him as I take off towards the car again. "You coming Hayden?" He shakes his head real quick, probably pulling himself out of a daze.

"Yeah, yeah sorry," He says as he jogs to catch up with me. "So you said your daughter was unexpected, feel like sharing?" He says, once he's match my placement.

"Again, you don't get to know that yet, besides that's a long, story one for another day," I say as I swing into the driver's seat.

"Fine, why do you always get to drive?" I feel a pang in my chest, his statement reminding me of all the hundreds of times that Jay has spoken those very words.

"Well it's my car,"

"We could always use mine,"

"Plus, how do you know that I always drive, we're on exactly the second drive together,"

"Atwater gave me a little warning, told me he hasn't seen Halstead drive in like two years,"

"Well Atwater needs to keep his mouth shut," I quip. "And to answer your question, I just do. I drive,"

"Alright," He says questioningly, "so I'm never going to get to drive the car?"

"Buddy, if I'm in the car with my husband, his car by the way, he barely ever drives. Not his call of course. So probably not, don't expect to be behind the wheel anytime soon. I drive, that's just how it goes. Ask anybody in the unit, the only one who get's to drive when I'm in the car is Voight," I tell him as we pull out of the crime scene.

* * *

"You ever done a notification?" I ask him as we walk up the front steps of a modest bungalow.

"Couple times,"

"So you're good, like you know how to do this?"

"I'm solid Lindsay, don't worry about it," He says as he rings the doorbell.

"Hi I'm Detective Erin Lindsay and this is Detective Wesley Hayden, we're detectives with the Intelligence section of the Chicago Police Department, are you Angelina Prater?" I ask as a petite woman answers the door, our badges held out in front of us. This has to be his mother, unlike him she's got blonde hair, but those gray eyes are a perfect match.

"I am," She says crossing her arms in front of her chest, "What's he's gotten into this time?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Prater, but we found your son's body this morning," Hayden tells her gently, but still firmly.

"Oh my God," She says, leaning back to the door frame as the look on her face changes very quickly from anger to guilt. "Did he suffer?"

"No, he didn't. We are so sorry for your loss, but we do have to do this, can we come in? We need to ask you a couple of questions,"

"Of course, whatever I can do to help you find this guy," She says, rapidly nodding her head as she welcomes us into her home. It's decorated simply, not extravagant and the majority of the decorations being pictures of Christopher, some with her in them, but most of them just her smiling son as she lovingly does her job behind the camera.

"So when was the last time you saw your son?"

"Uh this morning, I didn't actually see him, but he called up the stairs to say goodbye to me, I hadn't gotten up yet. He left around 6:45 like he he always does to go school. I usually leave before he does, I'm a nurse at Lakeshore."

"Alright I don't mean to sound rude, but your son was a student at Newhall, the tuition at that place is through the roof," Hayden starts.

"And you want to know how I afford to send my son there?"

"Yes," He finishes reluctantly.

"Don't worry about it, I would have never thought of sending Chris to Newhall, but the summer after eighth grade, he was approached by John Boland, he coaches the hockey team over at Newhall and he offered my son a full scholarship. I told him not to take it,"

"Why not?" Hayden asks as he scribbles down notes on a pad.

"I've seen how scholarship kids are treated at schools like Newhall, I didn't want that for my son. But he wanted to go, his entire life was hockey. So I let him go, against my better judgment."

"Did he ever tell you about him be being bullied or anything like that?" I ask.

"He never said anything to me, but he wouldn't have. He always told me that he didn't want me to worry anymore than I already did," She says with a sniffle, her voice breaking slightly. "I'm sorry,"

"No please don't apologize, take your time," I say slowly, taking her hand gently in mine. She gives me a nod, her short locks moving around her face as she wipes her nose with her sleeve.

"I'm sorry, he wouldn't have said anything to me. You're going to want to talk to his friend Vincent Giordano, they met freshman year on the hockey team and if anybody knows anything it's going to be V."

"Thank you, you've been very helpful to us. We just have a few couple more questions, Chris' father, I've noticed that he's not in very many of these photos, what's the status on him?" Hayden asks.

"His name is Steven Kress, he walked out on me and Chris when he was three, why do you think he could have had something to do with this?"

"Not necessarily, we've just got to cover all of our bases," I assure her.

"Yeah I haven't seen Steve in 13 years, last I heard he had run off to California with his new wife, her name was Katie or something like that,"

"Alright," I say as Hayden writes that down. I give him a look, knowing that we're going to have the one question that neither of us wants to.

"Okay Ms. Prater I know that this question is going to be a little difficult, but is there anyway that your son was involved in heroin?"

"Excuse me?" She exclaims, lurching away from me, her hand flying out of mine and the sadness in her eyes quickly turning back to anger. "How dare you!"

"Ms. Prater, I know that this is a hard thing to process, but your son's body was found with a backpack full of marijuana and cash, that tends to mean one thing,"

"My son was not a drug dealer!" She yells, jumping up from her spot on the couch.

"Ms. Prater, please calm down," Hayden says, his hands lowering in that universal symbol.

"I'm sorry, but there is just no way,"

"Are you positive? I'm not accusing you of anything, but you're a single mom and you work full time, I know how that can get, but how well did you really know your son?"

"Detective, I knew him like the back of my hand,"

"Ms. Prater, I understand that, but our evidence sings a different tune. Could he have started dealing to get into the in crowd? Maybe get accepted by a couple of the popular kids, climb the ranks a little bit?"

"Detective, even as well as I knew my son, I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that he was not dealing drugs,"

"How can you be sure?"

"He was the most straitlaced kid, he hasn't even skipped a day of school, ever. When he was brought in at Newhall, they told him that even one mark on his disciplinary report, he would be out on his ass. That boy would not risk being kicked out of that school, he wasn't the most popular, or the smartest, but he was the best hockey player on that team. He wouldn't have given up on that for anything, he was being scouted by colleges and everything," She rambles on.

"Okay, okay," I say, deciding to pocket her story, but tell Voight to keep running with the drug theory. "Thank you for your help, and once again we are so sorry for your loss,"

"Thank you, just please catch whoever did this to my son,"

"Of course," I respond with a nod as she leads us to the door, "Please let us know if you can think of anything else,"

"I will," She says as we walk through the open front door.

"So what's the deal? What are you thinking?" Hayden asks, the door closed behind us and once we're out of hearing reach.

"I think Chris may have been doing a little more than he was letting on to his mother," I say as we make it down the front walk.

"Yeah I agree, you want to take a run at the friend, Vincent something?"

"Giordano, and yeah. Maybe he'll know what's going on," I say as I get into the driver's seat of the 300, the click of the lock opening first.

"I have a quick question for you," Hayden asks out of the blue.

"And I might have an answer,"

"When you asked her about being single mom, you said you knew what it was like, I thought you were married," He says, grabbing onto that handle in the same way he did before.

"I am," I tell him, turning on the ignition of the car. I can feel a pang in my chest at his words, I said that to try to relate to her and I'm not really a single mom, I've got a loving and wonderful husband, but I'm going to have to figure out how to do things on my own for a while, because until he gets back, I'm all she's got.

"So what's the deal Lindsay?" He asks.

"Well that's another story for another day,"

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please leave me a review and let me know that you thought! Also, I think I have the rest of this story figured out, but if you have anything specific that you want me to write, please let me know!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addison**


	16. Chapter 16

Erin POV

"Lucy c'mon, let's go! We're going to be late!" I yell up the stairs as I throw my hair into a bun on the top of my head. It's been a little over two weeks since Jay left for his deployment and everything has started to normalize again. The whole unit has learned to accept Hayden and he's beginning to meld with everyone. Especially after that Newhall Prep case, he really got people's attention. He was the one who figured out that Christopher Kress wasn't even involved in the ring, he had found one of the boys who was, a Grayer Hartley. After he learned about the ring and threatening to go to the cops, Grayer and his crew killed him and planted the drugs and cash on him. Hartley's lawyers put up a fight, but he's going to be in prison for a very long time.

We've heard from Jay a couple times, we still don't know where he is or what he's going, but it's always good to see his face and hear his voice, that won't ever get old.

"I'm coming Mama!" She yells as I hear her footsteps running down the stairs. Since I've been the only parent around, we've had to adjust the routine just a bit to make it work on a regular basis, lunches are always made the night before, clothes laid out on the floor, and I get up a few minutes earlier to get in a shower before I have to get her up. She'd been sick a couple days last week, but we're back to normal now. But today, alarms didn't go off, leaving me no time to do my hair, hence the top knot and breakfast consisted of me throwing Cheerios in a bowl and haphazardly pouring milk over them with the dog nipping at my heels. It was like one of those disaster morning montages from movies.

"Alright let's go," I say as I grab my badge from the table and clip it next to my gun before throwing her backpack over my shoulder and shoving a coat over her tiny frame, ushering her out the door and into the December Chicago freeze.

"Mama it's cold," She whines as she buckles herself into the booster in the backseat of the 300.

"I know baby, it'll warm up soon," I tell her as I turn up the heat in the car, turning the key in the ignition and heading towards Oakley, her bag tossed in the passenger seat beside me.

"When's Daddy going to be home?" She asks after a couple minutes.

"We're not sure baby," I tell her. "But we hope soon right?"

"Yeah, I miss him,"

"I miss him too baby, but we just got to hope that he's staying safe and that he'll be home soon," I say as we pull up to a red light. "Right?" I say, reaching back to grab her foot.

"Uh huh," She responds. "Ms. Owens said that we're going to have a Father Daughter Dance soon and I want to go, but I can't take Daddy with me," I feel my heart drop at her words. I knew exactly what she was feeling, when I was seven we had something similar in my school and I was the only girl in my class whose dad couldn't come. They're two completely different situations of course, I know that Jay would do anything to go to the dance with her, but he can't, mine wouldn't. I take a deep breathe before giving her an answer, I don't know exactly what to say to her. I know that she's already missing him and the last thing I want her to do is feel left out of anything.

"Well girly, how about your uncles, I'm sure either of them would be more than happy to take you," I tell her. "Or Grandpa Hank, he would love to go with you,"

"I know, but's it not the same." She tells me, a certain sadness in her words.

"I know baby, maybe we can try to FaceTime with Daddy before you go?"

"I guess," She responds halfheartedly, "But can you ask Uncle Adam if he can go with me? I don't want to go all by myself,"

"Of course babe, I'm sure he'll be so, so excited," I tell her, trying to keep her spirits up. She doesn't say anything for the rest of the ride, she's been getting so much better after the shooting and Jay's deployment, I think her sessions with Sarah have been really, really helping her. But once in awhile, she does have days like this. Usually in the mornings and I don't try to push her to talk, sometimes she just needs some quiet.

"Alright have a good day," I tell her as I give her bag through the front window, "I love you,"

"I love you too Mama," She says with a quiet smile before walking off into the school yard.

These types of things are the hardest, I try my hardest to be enough love and support for two parents. But I know that she just wants her dad back. And that's the one thing that I can't give her.

* * *

"Ruzek, break room, I have to talk to you about something," I announce as I walk up into the bullpen.

"Comin," He says, swinging out of his chair and following me back. "What's up?" He asks as I fill a mug of coffee, didn't have time to drink any this morning.

"So Lucy brought something up to me this morning, she's got this dance thing coming up at her school and she's supposed to bring Jay," I say biting my lip, "It's a father daughter dance,"

"And you're trying to figure out what the hell you're going to do," He fills in for me.

"Not exactly," I respond, "she wants to go, she made that pretty clear to me and I brought up the option of bringing Hank or one of her uncles and she asked for you, so any chance you'll do it," I ask him.

"Erin of course, when he left we all said whatever you need, we meant that. Just give me a date and time and I'll pick her up in my best suit,"

"Thanks Adam, she's going to be excited," I tell him with a smile, giving him his usual whack on the shoulder as I leave.

"Anything for my favorite girl!" He calls behind me. We haven't caught a case in a few days and everyone has just been stuck in the office doing paperwork, we're all getting stir crazy.

"What was that about?" Hayden asks me as I pass his desk on the way to mine.

"Just something about my kid," I answer, Kim giving me a weird look.

"Linds you okay?" Kim asks me. "You look a little pale,"

"Yeah," I respond simply. I am feeling a little nauseous, but with Lucy being sick last week, I've been waiting to catch it, but I won't say anything to anyone. "I'm good,"

"Alright," She says, questioning my response but going back to her paperwork. As soon as the words leave her mouth, I feel a huge wave of nausea come over me and I can almost feel the vomit rising to my throat. I bolt out of my chair, making a beeline down the hallway and for the bathroom, slamming open the stall door before throwing up, barely making it to the toilet.

"You okay?" Kim asks, concerned as she stands in the bathroom doorway.

"I think I'm getting sick," I admit as I lean against the stall, wiping my mouth. "Luce was out with the flu last week, so I've been wondering when I was going to get it,"

"You don't look like you have the flu," She says as she walks over to me, "you're not warm," She mentions as she places the back of her hand on my forehead, her brow furrowing in the process.

"Well what else could it be?" I ask.

"Erin," She says looking at me seriously, "could you be pregnant?" _Pregnant._

"No, no I can't be," I stammer, "I've been on the pill, I have been forever,"

"The pill doesn't always work," She tells me gently.

"Wait," I say suddenly as I go through the last weeks in my head, "I had strep,"

"What?" She answers confused.

"I had strep, the week before Halloween. I was on antibiotics and I wasn't taking it. I wasn't allowed to," Could I really be pregnant? How in the hell could we have a new baby right now.

"Have you missed a period?" She asks anxiously, moving closer to me and our voices lowering.

"I don't know maybe?" I say, panicking slightly. "I've never been regular and sometimes when I'm stressed out I don't get it and with the shooting and Jay's deployment and everything I just wasn't paying attention,"

"Alright we have to get you a test," She declares as she grabs my hand. I can feel them shaking in hers. I can't be pregnant, I can't be. Jay and I have always talked about having more kids and we both want them, but now? He's not even home, he's God knows where and with the shooting less than two months ago? I just don't know if I can handle a new baby right now. Hell I'm barely doing it with a five year old, let alone adding a newborn to that equation.

"Kim we can't just leave," I tell her.

"Oh yes we can," She tells me, dragging me out of the bathroom. As much as I'm panicking right now, I can't help but appreciate how much Kim has changed. She's always been a great cop and an amazing friend, but she's really coming out of her shell. She's not afraid to stand up to people and nobody pushes Kim Burgess around these days.

I don't say anything else, I just let her drag me through the bullpen and into Voight's office, my face white as a ghost.

"Sarge we need to jump out for a second," Kim says as we arrive in front of Hank's desk.

"Alright, keep your radios on," He says.

"Got it, thanks," Kim says as we turn to leave.

"Kid you alright?" He asks, apparently noticing the lack of color in my face.

"Yep," I answer simply, holding back the urge to tell him everything. He nods at me questioningly, but doesn't stop us.

"Where you going?" Hayden calls after us as we rush down the stairs, the looks on all the boys faces extremely confused as we breezed by them.

"Errand!"

* * *

"Erin hurry up!" Kim calls over the stall door. We're at Levitz's, a random drug store that happens the closest thing we could find to the district. We bought the only pregnancy test we could find and now here we are.

"Jesus I'm done!" I yell as I pull up my pants, setting the test on the little trash can beside me. "Alright now how long do we have to wait?" I ask, emerging from the stall, the metal door swinging behind me.

"The box says four minutes," She says as she scans the back of the little blue box with her fingertip.

"Four minutes," I say again.

"Four minutes," She confirms with me.

"Alright I can't watch it," I say, flipping it over on the counter next to the sink. "What time is it now?"

"It's 9:03," She says after taking a peek at her phone screen.

"So we'll look at it again at 9:07," I assure myself. "Wait how do I know the results?"

"Pink lines, there'll be two if you're pregnant and one if you're not," I nod over at her and start pacing the length of the fluorescent lit bathroom, the heels of my boots clicking nervously along the linoleum floors as my heart pounds in my chest.

"How long has it been?" I ask Kim.

"Three minutes,"

"Oh my God this is the longest four minutes in the history of the world!" I shout to no one in particular.

"It's 9:07," She says just a couple seconds later.

"You flip it over, I can't look," I say, my arms folded tightly into my chest.

"You sure?" She asks me. I nod rapidly back to her. She takes a deep breath before flipping the stick over.

"Well," I demand, "what does it say? Did Halstead knock me up or what?"

"Uh," She stammers.

"Kim what the hell does it say?"

"I don't know!" She exclaims.

"What do you mean you don't know!" I exclaim as I dash over to the sink, jamming my head right next to hers, our faces less than six inches away from the test. One line is there, dark. But next to it, there's a line too. But it's pale, you can barely see it. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know!" She shouts at me. "Sorry, but what do you want to do?" She says quieter, quickly recanting her previous tone.

"I mean I take another test right?"

"I think I have a better idea," She says, grabbing the box and the useless test and tossing them both in the garbage.

"What?" I ask panicky as she leads me out of the bathroom, her hair swinging behind her.

"We're going to Med,"

"What do you mean we're going to Med?"

"What I mean is that at Med you've got a very smart sister-in-law who happens to be a doctor who has access to an ultrasound machine. Said sister-in-law also happens to be very, very good at keeping secrets so you know that it won't get back to a certain husband of hers. Plus you said that your strep was the week before Halloween, so you'd be what seven weeks now? That'll show up on a scan," She rambles as we leave through the front door, shivering again in the Chicago cold.

"You're right," I tell her, "let's go,"

* * *

"Erin, Kim what are you doing here?" Maggie asks, her usual cheery smile on her face as we walk through the doors of the ED.

"Hey Maggie, we just need to talk to Natalie about something," Kim tells her.

"And this warranted a visit down to the ED?" She teases.

"Couldn't be done over the phone," I answer her with a smile. Some of my shock has worn off, but I'm still in a state of complete panic.

"Alright I'll give her a page, just go hang out over there for a second," She says, picking up the phone and gesturing us to a set of chairs.

"How you doing?" Kim asks.

"Honestly Kim, I'm freaking out. We wanted more kids, we knew that. But I just can't be pregnant right now, it's the worst possible time,"

"I know, but if you are, you've got an entire unit to lean on, I hope you know that,"

"I know," I tell her with a weak smile, "thank you,"

"Anytime," If doesn't take long for Natalie to appear, maybe two minutes or less. As soon as Kim and I see her, we rush over, not waiting for her to reach us.

"What do I owe the pleasure of you two visiting me at work," She says jokingly, her arms crossed in front of her chest and a smile on her face.

"Natalie we need to talk," I tell her quietly, her face immediately changing as she recognizes my demeanor.

"Alright c'mon," She says as she ushers the two of us into an empty exam room. "What's going on?"

"I think I might be pregnant," I blurt out.

"Oh okay," She says taken aback slightly by my statement, "uh why are you here then?"

"It's a long story, we went to a sketchy drug store and she peed on the stick and the line was kind of there, but not really so we wanted to come here to make sure," Kim rambles.

"Alright, do you want me to run on ultrasound or something?" She asks.

"Yeah," I respond quietly. " I just want to know for sure,"

"Okay, I'm going to have to sign you in, but I'll put you down as a Jane Doe. I assume that you don't want the entire hospital knowing about this right?"

"You'd assume correctly," I tell her.

"Okay, stay here, lie down on the exam table okay? I'm going to run a grab a machine," She says with a smile. I nod back at her before she slips out the door.

I take a deep breathe as I recline onto the table.

"What do you want the scan to say?" Kim asks me, moving her chair to one side of the table.

"I don't know," I tell her honestly, "do I want another kid, yes, absolutely. I just don't know if it's the right time. But if it ends up that I am pregnant, I just have to figure it out right?"

"You always do," She tells me with a reassuring smile.

"Alright Erin," Natalie says as she reenters the room, rolling a large machine behind her. "I'm just going to ask you to pull your shirt up, so I can take a look,"

I pull up my t-shirt, revealing the scar right under my rib cage from the car accident.

"This is going to be a little cold," She says as she squirts the clear gel on my stomach. I can feel myself flinch as the gel hits my skin. "Sorry about that," She says with a concerned look on her face, "I always hated the gel,"

"Don't worry about it," I tell her as Kim squeezes my right hand. I watch Natalie's face as she moves the probe around my stomach. In an instant, it changes completely but I can't tell what it means. She looks down at me with a smile.

"Congratulations Mama,"

 **Just want to say I quick thank you to everyone who has read, favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. I do read every review and it's awesome to hear what you guys think, so with that I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that you'll leave me a quick review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	17. Chapter 17

Erin POV

" _Congratulations Mama,"_

"What?" I stammer, trying to process the words that have just come out of her mouth. "I'm pregnant?"

"I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that you are pregnant," She confirms, the probe still waving around my stomach. "Wait," She says, biting her lip as she looks closer at the screen.

"What, what's wrong?" I ask in a slight panic, craning my neck to try to look at the screen, Kim squeezing my hand tighter.

"Nothing's wrong, it's just, Erin I'm looking at two sacs here," She says, still studying the screen.

"What, what does that mean?" I ask. I've never been pregnant, I've never had a baby and I have no clue what her words mean.

"Erin you're having twins," She tells me slowly, waiting for my response.

"What?" I say in shock. "Two?"

"Yeah, two babies," She tells me again.

"I'm having twins." I say again, trying to convince myself of the words. "Twins,"

"Yeah," She tells me again. "From the looks of the scan, I would say you're about seven weeks along, so your due date is going to be around the end of July,"

"Linds this is a good thing," Kim assures me, recognizing the complete and utter panic on my face, "you can do this,"

"Erin you're going to be fine," Natalie tells me, hanging up the probe and grabbing my left hand. "It's all going to be okay," I know that Natalie knows exactly what I'm going through, she found out that she was pregnant with Owen when Jeff was overseas, she went through this same panic.

"Oh my God what am I going to do?" I panic. "Oh God what am I going to tell Jay,"

"You tell him that he's going to be a dad again and he's going to be so excited, you know that,"

"What if I don't tell him? He already has a million things to worry about, I don't want to give him another one,"

"Erin you can't do that to him, he deserves to know about these babies, they're his kids," Natalie tells me. "I know that I didn't want to tell Jeff when I found out that I was pregnant with O, but it made me feel so much better, trust me. You gotta tell him,"

"I know I do," I say nervously as I bite my lip. "God what's he going to say?"

"He's going to smile and tell you that he loves you and that he'll be home soon," Natalie tells me as she squeezes my hand one last time.

"He is?"

"I know it," She says with smile.

"Okay I'll try to call him tonight," I tell them.

"Good," Kim tells me, squeezing my hand.

"Alright I've got to go back to work. I'm not an OB and you need to get checked out, so I will text you the numbers of some great ones and I'm going to leave Owen with Will and I'll be at your place tonight. What time does Lucy go down?"

"Uh around 8?" I tell her. "But that's a little flexible, and also could you not tell Will about this? Not yet anyway,"

"Of course and I'll be there at 9, Kim you in?"

"Always," She says with a grin.

"Okay, it's a plan," She says as she gets up, tossing her gloves in a bin. "And Erin?"

"Yeah?" I ask, looking up at her.

"Everything's going to be okay,"

* * *

"Where you guys been?" Wes asks as the two of us walk back into the bullpen.

"Not now Hayden," Kim demands, holding up a hand as the two of us breeze past him with one destination in mind, leaving the rest of the unit thoroughly confused. The two of make a beeline for Voight's office. I know that you're not supposed to tell anybody until the first trimester is over, but I have to tell Hank. I know that he's going to put me on desk duty immediately and we'll have to come up with an excuse to tell the rest of the unit, but I'm going to do whatever I need to do to keep these babies safe, they're the most important thing right now.

"What's going on kid?" Voight asks, closing a file on his desk as I stand nervously in front of him, my hands shaking behind my back.

"You want me to go?" Kim asks.

"Yeah I need to do this alone, thanks Kim," I tell her, shooting her a grateful glance as she leaves the office, closing the door behind her,

I know that they'll hammer her with questions, but she's a locked box and I trust that she won't say anything, that's one of the best things about her, Natalie as well.

"Erin what's wrong?" Voight asks, folding his hands together on his desk.

"Nothing's wrong really, it's just different. It's actually kind of a good thing, just bad timing you know? We always wanted it to happen jus-"

"Kid, get to the point what's up?"

"Hank I'm pregnant," I blurt.

"You're pregnant?" He questions, his eyebrows rising. "You're sure?"

"Positive, I took a test and I wasn't sure what it said. So Kim took me to see Natalie and she did an ultrasound, so yeah I'm pretty damn sure,"

"How far along are you?"

"She said around seven weeks, I know you're not supposed to tell anybody until 12 weeks but I have a request,"

"You want to be put on desk duty,"

"I don't want to, but yes I need to be placed on desk duty, I need to keep these babies safe,"

"Babies?" He questions.

"I forgot about that part sorry, yeah twins,"

"Twins?" He says in surprise.

"Yeah," I nod, a smile forming across my face and my hand resting on my stomach, a slight swell starting to form. It's so small that if I wasn't looking for it that I never would have seen it, it's one of those things you can feel. It's kind of incredible, there are two lives in there. Two tiny, helpless lives. And they're mine to protect.

"Have you told Halstead?" He asks.

"No, Kim and I just got back from the hospital. Of course I wanted Jay to be the first to know, but safety is the priority and you needed to know now,"

"Alright, until they're born you're on desk duty, that's official."

"Thank you Hank," I say with a solemn smile.

"Kid are you happy about this?"

"What? Of course I am," I exclaim, knowing that my words aren't completely true. He raises an eyebrow, his dark eyes glaring through me. With one look, the words just start to flow. "I'm trying to be,"

"That's alright,"

"It's not that I didn't want to have more kids, I do, we do. We love our daughter and I already love these babies and I know that we both wanted to add to our family but,"

"The timing sucks," He fills in.

"So badly!" I exclaim. "I just, I want him to be here. I wanted to see the joy on his face when Natalie told me that I was pregnant, I him to be here as my belly grows and I can feel them kick. And I don't know how I'm going to pull it off with three kids, I'm barely making it right now with one kid. And she's five years old, these guys are going to be newborns and the worst part is, I don't even know when he'll be back. We have no idea, when he's done he's done and that just sucks so bad,"

"I know kid, but you're going to tell him right?"

"I'm going to try to call him tonight, we'll see if he picks up, I know it's kind of a crapshoot." I tell him. "I don't want him to worry, but he deserves to know right?"

"Absolutely," He confirms.

"So what are we going to tell the rest of the unit?" I ask him.

"What do you mean?" He inquires.

"I'm not telling anybody else about the pregnancy until I hit 12 weeks, the end of the first trimester, so what are we telling them?"

"We can pull something about how you're struggling with Jay's deployment? Your head's not in the game?" He says, rattling off a list of ideas.

"Hank you know that no one is going to believe that,"

"You got anything better?"

"Not really," I admit sheepishly.

"Then I guess it's what we're going with," He says, the normal gruffness in his voice.

"Okay," I agree nervously.

"Erin," He says, looking over at me and catching me slightly off guard. "I know that I haven't said it yet, but I really happy for you." He tells me with a rare smile on his lips, "and I know I don't say if enough, but you and Halstead are pretty great parents. Lucy and those two little babies are so lucky to be your children," I feel myself start to tear up at his words, damn hormones. "I am so proud of the woman that you've become and I know that Camille would be too,"

"That means more to me than you know," I tell him with a teary smile, moving around his desk and silently forcing him to get up and hug me.

"I love you kid,"

"I love you too Hank,"

* * *

"Goodnight sweetheart," I say as I close her bedroom, leaving it open just a crack. After telling the unit about desk duty today, I decided not to tell Lucy about anything until I've cleared the first trimester. I don't even want to think about this happening, but if I were to miscarry, I wouldn't have wanted her to have gotten attached. I know I have already, but I don't want that for her.

I was extraordinarily surprised that none of them questioned it. I caught Kim giving me a weird look, but I know that;s only because she knew what was actually going on, I'll have to explain it to her tonight. But Ruzek didn't put his foot in his mouth and for once Hayden actually had nothing to say, a refreshing silence. It's kind of thrilling, the feeling of having those secrets.

Since then, we went on through the rest of the day normally, I left work around 4:30, picked up Luce from after school care, she did her homework at the kitchen table while I cooked dinner, her telling me every single detail of her day, that wonderful smile gracing her sweet face. Then we ate together, she finished up while I cleaned, gave her a bath and I just finished putting her to bed. She was unusually hyper, so bedtime required the reading of a couple extra bedtime stories and the time is now creeping up onto 8:40. I've got twenty minutes until Kim and Natalie will be at my front door. I know that Jay probably won't be able to talk right now, but it's worth a shot. I feel a little bit guilty about not having Lucy with me, I always try to have her when I get to talk to Jay, but I know that this is something that I have to do by myself.

Just as I sit down at the laptop to call him, I get a little notification in the bottom corner of the screen. _Call from Jay Halstead._ I quickly accept his call as I see that face blow up on my screen. Usually just seeing his face can make me feel better, it doesn't matter how hard the day has been or how bad of a mood I'm in, he can always make it better. But today? I don't think that there's anything that can calm my nerves.

"Hey baby," He says with a grin on his face. Little does he know, but his words have got more than one meaning today. His hair has gotten longer, it's creeping back up to it's usual length and there's a bit of stubble appearing up and down his chin. He doesn't have his jacket on, but I can see the tan t-shirt at the bottom of the frame and the slight glint of his dog tags chain.

"How are you doing?" I ask him. It's a useless question, not matter how bad things are over there right now, he'll tell me that everything's fine and then continue to ask how we're doing.

"I'm fine babe," He tells me. Expected. "How are my girls doing?"

"We're good," I respond with a smile, my heart beginning to race as the realization of what I'm about to tell him sets in. I know that he'll be happy, he's wanted kids his entire life, but he's not here to experience it and I don't know how he's going to react. "She's still seeing Sarah and I think it's really helping her. I think she's got her spark back,"

"I knew she'd get it, she's-"

"A Halstead I know," I say with a smile, finishing his sentence for him.

"She's a fighter," He says with a smile.

"And she's going to be a handful," I say with a smile.

"Oh course, but we'll be able to handle it," He says with a grin.

"Babe there are a couple more things that we might need to handle," I say with a mischievous grin, deciding that this might be a good way to transition into the next topic which desperately needs to be covered.

"Alright," He says questioningly, one of his eyebrows raised.

"Jay," I start, trying to pick and chose my words carefully.

"Uh huh," He answers, searching for an answer in my eyes.

"Jay I'm pregnant," I tell him breathlessly. A blank look instantly falls over his face, the shock evident. "Jesus babe say something," I urge him, my heart beating faster with every second that his mouth remains closed.

"You're pregnant?" He asks in disbelief.

"I'm pregnant," I confirm to him, a smile on my face.

'"We're having a baby?" He says excitedly, that smile that I love so much replacing the shock.

"We're having two babies actually," I say with a smile.

"Twins?" He exclaims.

"Uh huh," I say with a bit of a grin, "I'm a little over seven weeks, they're due at the end of July,"

"July," He repeats quietly, that giant smile still not moving from his face, I know that there's sadness hiding behind that smile. He's always wanted a big family, I knew that , but he wants to be here. He doesn't want to watch the pregnancy from a screen half way across the world and I can only hope to God that he'll be back before they're born. Neither of us got to be there when Lucy was born and I know it would kill him to miss these two.

"I found out this morning and I had Voight put me on desk duty," I tell him in an effort to distract him.

"Good," He says, looking relieved. "I don't want you on the streets pregnant, especially if I'm not around to protect you,"

"Babe I can handle myself," I tell him.

"I know, but I just feel better when I've got your back,"

"I know, it's weird having Hayden in the 300 and not you," I tell him wistfully.

"You're not letting him drive are you?" He teases.

"Course not," I say with a grin, cocking my head to the side playfully. "He's tried but you know he didn't get anywhere near the wheel,"

"That's my girl," He says with a laugh. "So babies, two babies," He says, clearly trying to process the news. "Have you told Luce yet?"

"No of course not, I know that you're supposed to wait until the end of the first trimester, so I figured I would wait to tell her until then and I thought it might be nice for you to be there, even if it's only over FaceTime,"

"You know I would love that," He says with a grin. "So I know that you told Voight, but does anybody else know?"

"Uh," I say sheepishly, biting my bottom lip.

"Erin who'd you tell?" He says with a bit of a chuckle.

"Okay I didn't tell them on purpose, they just kind of found out, but uh Kim and Natalie,"

"Of course," He says with a laugh, "I should have guessed,"

"Well I didn't even think I was pregnant and then Kim thought I was so she made me take a test and then we couldn't tell if it was positive or negative so she took me to Med and then Natalie did a scan so that's how they found out," I tell him, a slight defensiveness in my voice.

"Babe it's fine, they're your best friends, I figured they would already know,"

"Well you guessed right," I say with a roll of the eyes.

"Stand up," He says with a grin on his face.

"What?" I respond, extremely confused.

"Stand up," He says again, that same smile slapped across his face. I oblige, still confused by his request but playing along.

"Happy?" I ask him as I get up from the chair, moving the chair aside and standing in front of the laptop.

"Show me the belly," He says with a grin.

"Seriously Jay?"

"Seriously." He says with that signature Halstead smirk. I roll my eyes as him before pulling up my shirt.

"It's the same as always, I'm not showing yet," I tell him, "they're like the size of blueberries," I tell him as I run my hand down my belly, I can feel the slight bulge but I doubt that he'll be able to see it on camera. "You seen it a million times,"

"Yeah but now my girls are in there,"

"Oh they're both girls?" I question. "You really want two more girls? Not a boy to play football with or whatever,"

"They're girls, trust me. And who says I can't teach my girls how to play football, I'll have Lucy on the field just a soon as I get back,"

"Oh no, no, no. My sweet daughter will not be playing football, that is way too dangerous," I tell him as I sit back down in front of the screen.

"We'll be gentle don't worry," He teases. I hear some shouting in the background. "Shoot babe, I've got to go,"

"Okay, go do your thing. Be safe, I love you,"

"Same goes for you, I love you Er,"

"Bye," And with that the screen goes black.

 **Please review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	18. Chapter 18

Erin POV

"So was I right?" Natalie asks from her spot on the other side of the couch, her feets curled up underneath her and a cup of tea held between her hands. She brought me over a few boxes of some herbal raspberry tea that she drank constantly when she was pregnant with Owen. She said it helped her to relax and I'm hoping that it'll be a helpful replacement for my morning coffee.

"You were right," I say with a roll of the eyes, Kim smirking from the armchair across the room. "He thinks they're both going to be girls," I say with a laugh, taking a sip of the hot tea as the nearly scalding liquid flows down the back of my throat.

"Seriously?" Kim says surprised. "That man is a saint," She finishes with a sigh.

"I know, I'm already concerned about Lucy as a teenager,I know I shouldn't be because she's five but still. I can't even fathom having two more, she's already a sassy little thing and if they're anything like their big sister, I'm going to have a battle on my hands,"

"Imagine that, at one point you're going to have an eighteen year old heading off to college and two thirteen year olds," Nat says with a laugh.

"Don't remind me," I say with a chuckle. "I can't even imagine her being eighteen, she's just my little bean right now,"

"They grow up fast, cherish the time," Natalie reminds me, "It seems like yesterday that I had Owen and he weighed six pounds just laying in my arms," She says wistfully.

"Speaking of little babies," Kim adds in, "When are you telling Lucy?"

* * *

Today's the day. The first day of my second trimester. I can finally tell people. I know that Lucy's been thinking that something was up and I've been waiting for someone in the unit to catch on, but they haven't. Well at least no one has said anything yet. Kim and Voight have known since the start, but so far I've been hiding my bump under loose flannels. Luckily I'm fairly petite, so my belly hasn't really popped yet and I can still hide it, but I know that I won't be able to for much longer.

I've been taking either Kim or Natalie to my appointments with me and I've got a sonograms of my two little babies hidden in the back pocket of my wallet. They don't look like anything yet, just a collection a blobs that vaguely resemble bodies, but I know that we've both already fallen in love with them. I've been calling Jay as much as I can but Lucy has usually been with us so I haven't been able to talk to him about them too much, but I put a couple sonogram photos in my last letter to him.

But today is the day. Today is the day we get to tell our daughter. By some wild stroke of luck, we actually have a call scheduled with him today at 7:15 in the morning. I've been up since 5 AM, I could barely sleep last night I've been so excited. As excited as I've been, I was even more relieved to leave the first trimester, mainly because the risk of miscarriage goes down significantly once you've hit 13 weeks. I've been holding my breath as the days counted down, but we're here. We made it. Plus apparently morning sickness is supposed to level out and that cannot come fast enough. And why the hell do they call it morning sickness? It should be called freaking all day sickness, because my vomiting certainly doesn't end when 12 o'clock hits.

"Hey Luce, c'mon we've got your Daddy's call in a few minutes," I urge as she pulls her purple t-shirt over her head, her hair still uncombed and unruly in her natural waves.

"I'm coming Mama!" She exclaims as she dashes past me in the doorway and rushing to the desk in my bedroom where she knows the laptop sits. I smile as I pad across the carpet in her path.

"Hurry up Mommy!" She yells as she pokes her head out from my bedroom door.

"I'm coming sweet girl," I say with a laugh as I quicken my pace. It's 7:14, I know that we're cutting it close but we'll make it. He always calls exactly when he's supposed to, it'll be 7:15 on the dot. "Alright c'mere my girl," I say as I pull her onto my lap, logging into the video chat and waiting for his message, typing purely by muscle memory, her head obscuring my view. I know that he'll only be able to talk for a few minutes, but it's always a good day when we get to start it with his smiling face.

"Daddy!" She exclaims as his name appears on the screen, one of her most familiar words.

"Alright let's say hi," I say with a grin as I accept his call.

"Hey Bean," He says with a huge smile, his face lighting up as it appears on the screen at the sight of his daughter.

"Hi Daddy!" She exclaims with glee, waving her hands rapidly at the screen and bouncing up and down in my lap.

"What's up Halstead," I say with a smile as I peer around her red hair.

"Hey baby," He says with a grin as he sees my presence. "So is today the day?" He asks.

"It is," I confirm with a nod and a subtle smile.

"What? What's today?" Lucy asks in confusion, her gaze shifting quickly between me and her father's face on the screen.

"Today is the day that we get to tell you something," He says with a huge smile.

"You want to tell her?" I ask him.

"Why don't you do it," He says, those blue eyes sparkling, even from behind that screen.

"Alright," I agree, secretly super, super excited that I get to be the one to tell her about this.

"Mama tell me!" She urges getting impatient in her seat and bouncing around to look at me.

"Okay so you know how your friend Hallie?" I ask.

"Uh huh," she responds.

"You remember last year how her mom's belly got really big and then she got a little brother?"

"Yeah," She says, holding out the word excitedly as she begins to figure out where this is going.

"Well, you're getting two little siblings," I tell her with a grin. It feels so good to tell her, almost like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don't have to hide this from her anymore.

"Two!" She exclaims as she stares back at me. "How does that work?" She asks.

"Uh," Jay says with a slight panic, looking straight at me for a way out.

"That's a conversation for another day," I say with a bit of a chuckle as I drop a kiss on her cheek. I can do a lot of things, but having the sex talk with my five year old daughter is not something that I can do. Not today. "But you are having two little siblings,"

"Yes you are," Jay says with a smile. "Do you want brothers or sister?"

"I want sisters," She tells with me a smile. "My friend Faith has two little sisters and they let her dress them up!" She squeals. "Wait," She says, her tone sombering, "is Daddy going to be home before the babies are born?"

"I hope so baby," Jay tells her with a solemn smile. "I'm going to try my best okay,"

"Yo Halstead," Someone says as another face shows up on the screen, I don't recognize this guy. He doesn't even look familiar, blonde hair and blue eyes that I've never seen. "Oh hey," He says, giving us a wave, Lucy eagerly responding with one.

"Daddy who's that," She asks him.

"This is my friend Jackson Hope," He tells her with a smile, "Hope, this is my wife Erin and my daughter Lucy," He says as he proudly shows us off.

"Ah the famous Halstead girls," Jackson responds with a smirk. "He never shuts up about you two,"

"Oh how interesting," I say with a teasing grin as I look over at him.

"I'm sorry to break this up, but we've gotta roll," Jackson tells him. I see the pain leaking across his face, I know that he doesn't want to leave us, especially now.

"Alright, I love you guys," He says with a wide, wide smile. One I know that sadness is hiding behind.

"Love you Daddy!" Lucy calls.

"Love you, stay safe babe," I tell him with a solemn smile.

"Same goes for you, keep those babies safe," He tells me with a small grin.

"Halstead we really have to go now," Jack urges from off screen.

"Coming!" He yells back, "okay love you guys, I'll talk to you soon," I smile back at him and as always, the screen flashes back, his face disappearing.

"Alright sweet girl," I say, pulling her close and dropping a kiss on the top of her head, "let's get you ready for school,"

* * *

Christmas is nearing and it's Lucy last day of school before the holidays, she has her dance tonight and I know that she was nervous about it, but I think Adam's been making her feel a little better. He's been asking her constantly about it and I think it's getting her excited about it. I just dropped her off at school and it's all she could talk about.

Speaking of dropping her off, I'm waiting for the moms to start flocking over to me at drop off now. Now that Lucy knows I'm sure all of her friends will know and by the end of the day, so will their moms and I will be the new talk of the school. I don't really care if they know, but I swear if they pity me, we might have a bit of an issue.

But one thing I'm not looking forward too is having to do Christmas without him. It'll only be our second Christmas with Lucy, our first as a married couple and he's going to be who knows how far away.

But I'm finally allowed to tell my team and I know for a fact that they won't pity me, they'll probably bust my balls for having bad timing if anything. I take a deep breath as I walk up the stairs to the bullpen, once I tell them, everybody that needs to know will know. Well at least everybody on my end, I know that Jay asked me if he could tell Will over the phone so I don't know when that'll be happening. But this one is all on me.

"Everybody." I announce as I enter the squad room, "I've got an announcement to make," I quickly get everyone's attention, all of them spinning their chairs towards me and Voight leaning against the doorframe of his office, Kim shooting me an encouraging smile. "I'm pregnant," I say simply, Voight smiling at me from across the room and tossing me a nod.

"I called it!" Adam shouts as he jumps up from his chair.

"What?" I respond in surprise, almost jumping back at his sudden outburst.

"I called it, didn't I call it!" He yells again, his arms raised above his head as the rest of the guys nod annoyed in his direction.

"Adam what the hell!" I ask, my hands thrown up in front of me.

"I totally knew it, Erin Lindsay doesn't start drinking decaf for no reason,"

"How long have you known?" I ask him almost defensively.

"Month maybe," He says cluelessly.

"I've only known for five weeks!" I exclaim.

"Halstead knows right?" Atwater chimes in.

"You guys think I would have told you idiots before I told my husband?" I joke. "Yeah I told him the day I found out,"

"Wait you're married to Halstead?" Wes asks.

"Dude you're behind." Atwater says under his breath.

"Yes," I say, "I thought you knew that, everybody knows that,"

"Well you wouldn't tell me anything about your life, all I knew is that you had a five year old daughter, you we're married, and you're kind of a single mom,"

"Well now you know so can we get back to work?" I say. I didn't want to make this a big deal, I knew that they would make it into one but I just want to get right back to work.

"Erin you forgot something," Kim adds in with a half smile.

"I did?" I respond, confused as to what she's referring to.

"Yeah you did," She responds with a smirk, her hands rolling in front of her. Oh crap. That. Twins. I forgot to tell them that part.

"What are you not telling us Lindsay?" Olinsky asks from his usual spot in the corner.

"Oh yeah it's twins," I add. It doesn't even seem like that much of a big deal to me anymore, I did panic a little bit when Natalie first said it but I've settled in.

"You knew?" Adam exclaims over at Kim, completely ignoring my last announcement.

"She's my best friend, I was with her when she found out," She responds, her arms crossed in front of her chest, a smirk on her face.

"You didn't tell me?!" He complains, like a four year old child. "Kim we're engaged!"

"Hoes over bros," She says with a laugh, the phrase bringing me back to my high school days.

"Oh Adam, don't forget, Lucy's dance is tonight, it starts at 7 so can you swing by the house around 6:40?"

"I'll be at the door with in a suit with flowers for my favorite girl,"

* * *

"You excited to see Uncle Adam?" I ask her as I loop sections of her fiery red hair around the barrel of a curling iron, falling beneath her shoulders in perfect spirals. I've gotten her all ready, we bought her a new dress over the weekend, red of course and she's been badgering me all week to let her wear it. But I haven't allowed her to take it off the plush hanger in the closet and she sprinted up the stairs when I finally told her she could put it on. There's a thick black headband waiting on my bathroom counter top to hold her curls back and her bare feet are kicking off the side of the stool as I struggle to keep her still, I can almost see the excitement flowing from her teeny body. I thought she was going to explode when I told her that she was allowed to wear a little bit of my lipstick.

"Uh huh," She says with a wide smile.

"I know you wanted to call your dad before you left, but he has to catch the bad guys and you got to talk to him this morning at least."

"Yeah," She responds wistfully. "And I'm getting little sisters,"

"You know they could be boys right?" I tell her as I curl one of the final strands around the barrel. "You could have two little brothers,"

"Nah," She responds, "they're going to be girls, I know it,"

"You and your father both," I respond with a sigh, "you know he's convinced that they're going to be girls too,"

"Well great minds think alike," She says with a smile.

"Where did you learn that missy?" I say with a laugh.

"Uncle Adam taught me," She says proudly.

"Of course he did," I say with a smile. I hear the doorbell ring downstairs. "Speaking of Uncle Adam," I say as I release the last strand of hair and pull the headband through, I turn the iron off just in time to see her dashing out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

"Uncle Adam!" She exclaims, the door swung open as I arrive downstairs.

"There's my girl," He says with a smile as she jumps into his arms. "You ready to go?"

"Not so fast Bean," I say with a smile as I join them in the doorway. "She doesn't even have shoes on,"

"Oh Mama has spoken," He says with a grin as he puts her back down, her scampering over to her little black flats laid out in the front hallway.

"Thank you so much for doing this," I tell him quietly, making sure that she's out of hearing range.

"Anything for you guys, you know that,"

"Still, thank you," I say with a half grin.

"No problem,"

"Alright girly," I say with a grin, switching right back into mom mode as I grab her coat from the hook and sling it over her shoulders. "Stand in front of door, I want a picture,"

"Mama," Lucy whines. I raise my eyebrow at her and she knows I mean business so she obliged as Adam sweeps her into his arms, giving me a big smile as I snap a quick photo on my phone.

"Take pictures for me?" I ask as he slides her over to her hip.

"We'll take all the photos," He yells behind me as they exit through my front door.

"No we won't!" She calls over his shoulder, flashing that little smile at me as they begin to walk down the front steps and into the Chicago chill.

"I love you," I call after them.

"I love you too!"

 **I am so sorry about the wait on the update, I had an insane weekend and I haven't had too much time to write. I'm not super happy with this chapter, but I wanted to get an update out for you guys so I hope you enjoy it. Please review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	19. Chapter 19

Erin POV

"Thank you so much for taking her, you have no idea how much she was looking forward to this," I tell Adam thankfully. He brought Luce home maybe ten minutes ago and she had fallen asleep in the back of his car and he wonderfully brought her up to her room. I slipped her out of her dress and pulled a simple nightgown over her head, pulling the headband from her curls and her flats laying abandoned in the hallway. Her eyes opened briefly, long enough for her to tell me goodnight and me to say I loved her, but I knew she wasn't really awake, Adam did a real good job tiring her out and I know I'll get to hear all about it tomorrow morning. I'd spent the evening watching Netflix with Percy curled up asleep next to me with a cup of tea in hand and trying to keep my eyes open to long enough for them to return home.

"You know it wasn't a problem, we told you we were going to be here for you when Jay left, that applies now more than ever," He says as he eyes the slight bump of my stomach. Almost on instinct my hand flies to the location.

"I know, but I still appreciate it, it's important to me that all of you know that," I assure him gratefully.

"Erin really, we're a family. This is what families do," He tells me, placing a protective hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to thank us or apologize,"

"I'm still going to do it Ruz," I assure him.

"I know Linds," He tells me with a smirk, "and I'll keep telling you to not to,"

"Alright, go home to Burgess, I'm sure she's missing you,"

"Okay I'll see you guys Monday," I tell him with a wave as I pull open the front door, letting in the Chicago cold.

"You coming to Christmas Eve at Voight's?" He asks as he steps through the doorway.

"Wouldn't miss it,"

* * *

This week has been harder than I ever thought it would be. Last year at this time, we were all caught up in a brutal custody trial, during which we had lost our little girl. I'm trying to keep a brave face on for her sake, but it just brings back so many terrible memories. She hasn't said anything to me, about that at least. I think she may have locked those memories away, never to be seen of again. I'm not even sure how things went during those days she was with DCFS, she hasn't ever even mentioned them to either of us. I know she may have said something to Dr. Reese, but we haven't pushed her to talk about it.

What she has been talking about is missing Jay. I don't blame her at all, I've been missing him too. It's been eight days since we've talked to him and we've tried to call him or Skype him, but he hasn't been able to answer. I'm the mom, so I haven't said anything, but it's taking a toll. It's been eating Lucy up too, I can see the spark leave her face every time that the "Call Failed" symbol shows up in the screen. And once you couple that with all of the pregnancy hormones, I don't really have any idea how I'm still standing. Natalie and Kim have insisted on having one or both of them with me every single time I have an appointment and every time I tell them that they don't need to come with, but I'm secretly grateful. I always get extra sonogram photos and Kim's been taking pictures of my belly each week and I've been sending them in letters to him, my attempt to make him a part of the pregnancy, as much as I can anyway. He's written back a few times, but I guess he just hasn't had time to recently. And as it turns out, growing two tiny humans inside of you really takes your energy, they're like little leeches, just sucking it all up. But cute and adorable leeches that we all love dearly. I've been running myself rampant, trying to take care of Lucy, and the babies, and myself and just trying to keep our lives together. And with Jay gone, it's all on me.

But today is Christmas Eve, Voight's getting the entire team together at his house to celebrate, Wes is bringing his boys with him and even though Antonio's technically not part of the unit anymore, Laura has Diego and Eva this year so he's bringing Sylvie over, it's all going to be a nice distraction, for both of us. Today is going to be a good day, I'm going to make sure of it.

I took attempted skating in Millennium Park with Lucy, but it was packed, you could barely move three feet on the ice without running into someone so we ended up just doing a quick lunch at Wildberry. But the time is nearing 4:30, so we're getting ready to go to Voight's.

"You look pretty Mama," She tells me as she sits on the counter next to me, swinging her feet as I brush makeup onto my face. Neither of us are dressed yet and we've got to leave for his house in like 15 minutes, my belly has really popped in the last week and you can see it through all of my clothes now. But her hair is done, plaited around her head in a fiery crown and mine resting on my shoulders in curls and our clothes are both laid out on mine and Jay's bed. That's another thing that's been the hardest to get used to, going to sleep and waking up alone.

"Thank you baby," I tell her as I grab a tube of lipstick, swiping the dark crimson color over my lips. "So are you excited for Santa to come tonight?" Downstairs, we have a Christmas tree lit up with white lights, covered in a myriad of ornament, some baubles of glitter and shine, some pictures in hanging frames, and a lot of homemade snowflakes and things that Lucy has brought home with her from school. And again like last year, we completely overcompensated with gifts. The entire base of the tree is covered with wrapped boxes and bags with tissue paper popping from the top and we haven't even added the Santa gifts yet, they are all hidden in Kim and Adam's closet, they'll be tossed into the trunk of my car tonight and placed under the tree after my girl goes to sleep.

"I'm so excited," She says with that bubbly grin, "Do you think that he can bring me Daddy for Christmas?" I feel my heart drop in my chest as she speaks. I read her Christmas letter a few weeks ago, that's all she asked for. I gave her a talk when that happened, but she's my girl and I know that she won't give up hope of that.

"Baby we talked about this," I tell her as I slowly put down the tube of mascara, leaving one eye undone. "You know that Santa can't bring Daddy home, he's bringing down the bad guys over there with the Rangers, they need him over there,"

"But I need him here," She stammers as a tear starts to roll down her pale cheeks. "I need my dad,"

"Oh Luce," I say as I pull her into my chest, "I know sweet girl, I need him too. But you've got to be strong, you are my brave little girl and I need you to keep doing that until he comes home, that's what we have to do for him," I tell her I wipe the tears away from her eyes.

"I can do that," She says with a deep breath.

"I know you can," I tell her as I drop a kiss on her forehead, "it's going to be okay, we're all going to be okay, we're going to have a great Christmas Eve and Daddy is going to come home soon, and then our little siblings are going to be born and it's all going to be good," I assure her. "But we've got to get ready to go Grandpa's right?"

"Yeah," She nods at me.

"All the people that love you are going to be there, Grandpa. Uncle Adam, Auntie Kim, Uncle Al, Uncle Kev, and Uncle Tonio is bringing his girlfriend Sylvie with him, I think you're really going to like her." I say with a smile.

"Everybody except Daddy," She responds solemnly. Crap that backfired fast.

"Yeah, everyone except Daddy" I answer reluctantly. "But my new partner Wes, he's bringing his three little boys, one of them is your age, his name is Beck and he's got two big brothers named Tanner and Grant,"

"Really?" She asks as she perks up. "Will they play with me?"

"I'm sure they will if you ask him to," I tell her, hoping that my effort at a distraction will hold, for a little while at least. "But we've got to get ready if you want to meet him,"

"Okay," She responds, the light slowly returning to her eyes.

"Alright," I say as I give her a quick peck and place her back down on the tile floors, "go grab your dress from my bed and I'll meet you in my bedroom after I finish up my makeup, I'll be fast," I tell her as she scampers into the master bedroom. I quickly finish up the mascara and join her in the bedroom.

"Well don't you look cute," I comment as she pulls on a pair of white tights under her red sweater dress.

"Thank you Mama," She tells me with a grin as I begin slip off my jeans, pulling on a pair of black leggings in their place. I unbutton the black and white flannel and throw a red top on, pulling on a pair of gold heels and fastening a simple gold necklace around my neck.

"Alright babe you ready to go," I ask as I grab my packed bag from the chair next to my bed.

"Uh huh," She tells me with excitement.

"Let's go," I respond with a little smile as I reach down to grab her hand, leading her down the stairs and through the main hallway. She slips on her pair of black flats and I grab my gray coat off the hook, throwing around my shoulders before pulling her black jacket over her teeny frame. I make sure that Percy is safe and sound in his crate before we leave before locking the front door behind me.

I feel the snow crunching under the balls of my shoes, one of my personal favorite feelings. There's always that scent in the air when it snows, just fresh and clean, it's welcoming, familiar.

I drop Lucy in the backseat of Jay's car and place myself in the front seat. Since he's been gone, I've been driving Jay's car more. It reminds me of him, his scent still lingering slightly in the air. I play Christmas carols, Lucy singing along to the music as we make the quick drive over to Hank's house.

"Merry Christmas!" Hank says as cheerfully as his gruff voice can sound as he opens the door. "How are my favorite girls?"

"Merry Christmas Grandpa!" She says with a bright smile, giving him a quick hug before dashing further into the house.

"Somebody's excited," He says as his eyes trace her movements.

"Yeah," I say with a smile. "Wait are we late?" I ask as I peer past him, I can see and hear everyone congregating throughout the house.

"You're not late kid, but you know how this unit works, they were just all early." He says with a smile as he ushers me in, I hang my coat up and kick my shoes off into their familiar place. "Dinner's almost done, so just hang out until then," I smile at the warm sounds of laughter filling the house. This was what Camille always wanted, to fill our home with joy and warmth and people, she would have loved this, all of it.

"Merry Christmas Erin!" Sylvie calls out as she spots me, Kim not far behind her.

"Sylvie! I haven't seen you in a while," I say with a smile as we embrace. We used to hang out all the time at Molly's, but since Lucy came into our lives, we don't go out as much.

"I know it's been forever!" She exclaims as we release. "And how are the little Halsteads doing?" She asks as she places a hand on my growing stomach. After I made the announcement to my unit, the news spread like wildfire, it seems like every first responder in Chicago knew that the Halsteads were having twins and I can't even tell you how many times I've been asked about it in the last week alone. Also with the fact that Lucy was the sweetheart of the 21st District, I almost constantly have someone asking about my kids, not that I mind. I can brag about my girl all day long.

"They're good, we're all good," I tell her with a smile.

"Merry Christmas Linds," Kim says as she joins the encounter, handing me a glass of sparkling cider.

"You too," I tell her embracing her in a quick hug. "So did any of you see where my little Bean ran off to?"

"She's with Wes and his boys, introduced herself pretty quickly," Kim says with a chuckle.

"That's my girl," I say with a smile as I follow them back into the kitchen living room area. "She tends to do that," I can smell the scent of dinner cooking, the sweet smell of cranberries cutting through all the rest.

Sylvie makes her way back over to Antonio, taking her spot on his lap and Kim returning to her chair in the living room. I know I should follow them, but I linger in the archway, just watching everything. Lucy's giggling on the floor with Beck, the youngest of Wes' boys as the other two, Tanner and Grant are deep in conversation with Al, Wes standing by with a smile on his face. Kim has fallen back into an easy conversation with Al's daughter Michelle, Sylvie sits comfortably on Antonio's lap, looking lovingly into his eyes as Kev and Adam joke beside them, Voight watching over the whole scene as he finishes up dinner in the kitchen. It's the perfect scene, but the one face I want to see is missing.

 **Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I've had a crazy couple of weeks and I didn't have my laptop this weekend, but I hope that you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please review and let me know what you thought!**  
 **Much love,**

 **Addison**


	20. Chapter 20

**Update for you guys! School has been getting crazy and I apologize that these aren't coming as fast as they used to be, but I will continue to update and write as fast as I can. I put a lot of time into this chapter and I hope that you guys like it!**

* * *

Erin POV

Christmas and New Year's come and go, the weather getting colder and wind getting stronger as the days progress. The babies have gotten bigger, their due date coming closer and closer. I finally felt them kick a couple days ago, though I can never really tell which one is which yet. As my first trimester ended, the morning sickness succumbed and my energy began to return slightly at least.

And though we both know that Lucy will never be the exact child that she was when she walked into school the day of the shooting, she's been coming very close to returning to her old self. She's bubbly and happy, she smiles and giggles and we don't have very many quiet mornings anymore, something I could not be more grateful for.

Since I hit sixteen weeks two weeks ago, she's been urging me each and everyday to find out the genders, but I just don't think that it's something that I can do without Jay by my side. He's missed out on enough and that's something that I can control, so when I figure out what my babies are going to be, their daddy will be by my side and that enough has been enough to hold back my own curiosity and convince Lucy to keep hers at bay.

I sit with a smile on my face as I pour water over Lucy's head, careful to shield her eyes from the soapy water running down the back of her red curls, my growing stomach presses up against the cool porcelain bathtub through my thin cotton t-shirt, still donning that and a pair of maternity jeans as I haven't yet changed out of my work clothes. I watch as she gleefully plays with the obscene number of bath toys that the unit has spoiled her with, nearly oblivious to the mundane I'm completing behind her. I wash her hair quickly and sit aside as she finishes up, Percy just hanging out in the door frame.

"Tell Mama what's going through that little head of yours?" I ask her as I slide her nightgown over her still damp curls, searching those big hazel eyes for answers.

"Are you going to love the babies more than you love me?" She asks suddenly.

"Of course not babe," I say instantly. I'm a little taken aback by her question, but I don't even have to hesitate to answer her. "Why would you think that?"

"Well they're growing in your stomach and you get to meet them when they're babies, you didn't get to meet me until I was four," She tells me hesitantly.

"And that my darling," I tell her as I pull her into a hug, not missing a beat. "Is what makes you so, so special,"

"What does that mean?"

"Well," I say, trying to stall as I think of something to say, "Daddy and I got to pick you. When we found you in your closet, you remember?" She nods up at me. "Well we didn't have to bring you home with us, but we knew that you were special and that we were going to love you."

"But if the babies come and you decide that you like them better?"

"Sweetie that isn't going to happen, Dad and I have room in our hearts for all three of you, we always will," I assure her. I don't even want her even thinking about that. I want her to feel loved and wanted, always.

"But what if you don't? What if I get left behind?"

"Lucy, you are our first baby. You are the reason that Dad and I are married. You are the reason that we are a family and it wouldn't matter if we had twenty babies or a hundred babies or even a thousand babies, I promise you will never get left behind, you're my girl," I tell her as I pull her in for the tightest hug I can manage.

"Pinky swear?" She asks as she sticks out her tiny finger.

"Pinky swear." I confirm as I loop my finger through hers. "Now we have got to get you off the bed if you want to get enough sleep to go to school tomorrow right?"

She nods up at me before leaping off my lap to curl herself up in the white comforter on her bed.

"Read me a story Mama?" She asks, those big hazel eyes pleading with me.

"Of course,"

* * *

I can't sleep. I'm tossing and turning in my bed after my conversation with Lucy. I never, ever want my child thinking that. She's been left a lot in her life, both of her biological parents died and as much as I hate to admit it, in a way Jay left her too. I'm fully aware that none of these people wanted to leave her life, but she's five years old, there isn't a difference to her. They're aren't there and she misses them, that's all she sees. I glance over at the clock next to me. 12:14. I better go to bed if I plan on being able to run tomorrow without about a gallon of caffeine. I groan before rolling over onto my other side as having two babies in your uterus significantly reduces your options when it comes to sleeping positions. I'm going to will myself to sleep, or I know I'll be paying for it bright and early tomorrow morning.

* * *

I groan as I hear the alarm going off. It feels like I just fell asleep a few minutes ago. Wait that's not the sound of the alarm, that's my phone. I groan again as I peer at the clock, the number 1:58 lit up in red. Who in the hell is calling me at two in the morning?

I grab my phone, I'm up so I might as well answer it. I instantly wake up as I see the caller ID spanning across the top of the screen. US ARMY. I feel my heart swell. That's only going to be one person, although Jay's never called me this early in the morning.

I accept the call and pull the phone to my ear, expecting to hear the sweet sound of my husband's voice, but I'm greeted by something very different.

"This is Staff Sergeant Cole Jameson. Is this Erin Halstead? Wife of Sergeant Jay Halstead?" The voice asks, sounding almost robotic. I sit up immediately, I've had nightmares about receiving this call. It can't be what I think it is, there is just no way.

"Yes this is Erin Halstead" I say as I flick on the light next to me, hoping and praying that this isn't what I think it is.

"Mrs. Halstead we have some bad news," He states, the pitch and speed of his voice not wavering.

"What happened?" I ask, my voice starting to break. I'm half expecting them to tell me that my husband is dead, waiting in some army hospital for me to ID his body and bring him home in a casket.

"Is he okay? What happened? Where is he?" I say, the frequency of my words increasing with every second.

"He was shot twice, once in the shoulder once in the abdomen and because of fear of infection, he was sent to the army hospital in Germany. They've just sent him into surgery at the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center less than an hour ago, I'm sorry ma'am that's all we know,"

"I'm coming, I have to see him," I bark as I jump out of my bed, making a beeline for my closet to pull suitcases from the top shelf.

"Mrs. Halstead, I'm not sure that's the best idea," He responds cautiously.

"You know what's not the best idea? Pulling my damn husband back into the army, but you did that didn't you?" I snap, "So I plan on getting my ass on the next flight to Germany," I say, my voice starting to break. We've always known that Jay not coming home to us was a possibility, but it was always so far fetched, for the first time it seems real. Too real.

"Okay," He says, his voice softening for the first time, "Fly into Frankfurt, we will send a car to pick you up from the airport,"

"Okay," I say, taking deep breaths, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"We'll see you soon," He says before hanging up the phone. I keep the phone pressed to my ear, the dial tone ringing through my entire mind, the shock keeping my body from moving. My breath moves slowly through my body until I get it together enough to take my phone away from my ear and dial one of the few numbers I know by heart. It rings a few times before he answers. He needs to know about this.

"Dr. Halstead, how can I help you?" He asks. He's not groggy at all and I can tell by his tone that he didn't check his caller ID, he must be on shift at Med.

"Will it's Erin," I say into the phone, trying to keep myself together.

"Erin what happened? What's wrong?" He asks, his voice changes as he recognizes my demeanor.

"It's Jay," I say, tears starting to roll from my eyes eyes, "He's hurt,"

"What?" He yells, panic swimming in his voice.

"They just called," I choke out.

"Is he okay?" He exclaims.

"I don't know," I cry, "They won't tell me anything, I don't think they know anything they flew him to Germany that's where he is now, I'm going to book a flight for me and Lucy to Frankfurt,"

"Erin I'm coming with you," He says briskly as I hear him running through the hallways of Chicago Med, his breathing changing.

"Will you can't, you can't just get up and leave,"

"Like hell I can't," He growls back into the phone, "He's my brother Erin, I need to be there," He says. "And if he found out I let his pregnant wife and daughter fly alone to Germany, he would kill me,"

"Okay," I give in without much badgering, I'm finding that my usual barricades are gone. I can't fight right now.

"Okay Erin, I left Med and I'm almost home. I'm going to pack a bag and talk to Natalie and I'll meet you at the airport okay? We'll book the tickets, don't even worry about it." He assures me.

"Okay Will," I respond.

"It's going to be okay Erin," He reassures me.

"Are you sure?" I ask tearfully.

"No Erin, I'm not sure," He says softly, "but my brother's a fighter and he's got a lot to fight for,"

"Thank you Will, I'll see you soon,"

"Okay, I'll come as fast I can," I hear the phone beep on the other end of the line and I can almost see him slamming down the gas pedal. Will usually has the level head in the family, but when it comes to his family, he doesn't ever stop.

I take a deep breath, trying to get a handle on myself. I need a plan. This is going to be chaos. I need a plan.

I've got to pack, that'll be a good place to start. I can do that without thinking. I have to call Voight. Oh God Voight. I can leave it to him to tell the team, I just can't do that right now. I'm just doing all that I can right now not to fall apart, breaking into a million pieces and shattering all over the floor. I hit the second number on my speed dial and wait for it to ring, I know he'll answer, he always answers.

"Erin what's going on?" He answers. "Why in the hell are you calling me at 2 am?"

"Hank I can't talk for long, but Jay's been shot. I'm flying to Germany with Lucy and Will, put me on furlough I don't know when I'll be back. And sorry one more thing, can you come by in the morning to walk Percy? I would bring him to a dog daycare or whatever, but there's no time. Oh Lucy's schools, I have to call them and let them know she'll be out," I ramble. I find myself talking faster, my subconscious theory being that if I talk fast, there won't be any time for tears in between.

"Okay, I got it," He says, taking my words and processing without a beat. This is Hank Voight we're talking about, he doesn't get shaken. "Do what you need to do kid, we'll take care of everything, Intelligence will be waiting for you when you get back, both of you."

"Thank you Hank, I'll call you when we land in Frankfurt,"

"Okay, I'll see you guys when you get home, I love you kid,"

"I love you too Hank," I hang up quickly, tossing my phone on the bed and pulling two carry on suitcases, I don't want to have to deal with checking bags, especially not today. I toss as much of my stuff that I can fit in one and luckily there is a full basket of Lucy's folded laundry sitting in the corner of my bedroom and all of that get tossed into the other suitcase. I grab as many toiletries as I can remember and throw them in there too, anything we forget can be bought over there, the most important thing right now is speed. I strip off my pajamas and replace them with a pair of leggings and a soft red sweatshirt, pulling on a pair of running shoes and tying my messy hair into a knot on top of my head. I'm running on pure adrenaline and fear with almost no sleep.

As much as I'm panicking and freaking out about Jay, I am so anxious about flying over eight hours with my tired and cranky five year old. The longest flight we've ever done with her was five hours max with both of us by her side and weeks of planning. Tonight I'm flying by the seat of my pants. And I'm doing it without Jay.

I run through the house, gathering everything that I could think of needing into a backpack as well as packing it as I normally pack my purse and set everything together near the front door, remembering to bring a blanket with me in the hope that I'll be able to get Lucy to sleep on the plane. All that's left to do is wake up Lucy. That's going to be hard. I have to tell her that her dad might be dying and that I can't tell her anything else.

I tiptoe into her room, listening to her little snores and not really knowing why I'm trying to be quiet because she's going to have to wake up anyway.

"Lucy baby," I say softly as I rub her back. She begins to stir and I hear a little groan as she rolls over towards me. "Wake up, we've got to get dressed,"

"Why?" She groans as she rolls over towards me.

"Babe we've got to go to the airport,"

"Where are we going?" She says, the word airport peeking her interest as she sits up. Here it is. I've got to tell her.

" Lucy baby you know what Daddy does right?" I ask her, trying to figure out a way to explain it to her.

"He's in the army," She says groggily, but with that pride in her voice, "he fights the bad guys."

"That's right Lucy," I say, "and you know sometimes fighting the bad guys can be dangerous right?" She nods back at me confused.

"And sometimes people get hurt," I continue.

"Did Daddy get hurt?" She interrupts, very quickly coming out of her sleepy haze.

"Yeah baby he did, he was trying to fight a bad guy and they hurt him," I tell her, trying desperately to keep it together. I cannot start crying in front of her. "And they took him to a doctor in Germany who can help him, so we have to go see him okay? Uncle Will is going to meet us here and then we're going to get on a big airplane and it's going to fly us over the ocean and then we'll be by Daddy okay,"

"Like when we went to Disneyland?"

"Yeah baby, kind of like when we went to Disneyland," I tell her as I continue to rub my hand up and down her back. "So we've got to get ready okay, we gotta be fast,"

"Okay," She says as she slips out of the bed. I pull her nightgown off her head and quickly redress her in a pair of leggings and one of her favorite sweaters, comfort and warmth being the two main worries. I throw a quick braid into her hair and slip her boots over her feet, knowing that I've thrown her Converse somewhere in the suitcase. I feel a buzz in my pocket and pull it out, knowing that it'll only be a text from one of two people. It's Will.

 _Tickets booked on Flight 781, Lufthansa flying out of O'Hare at 4:31. I'll meet you in the terminal with the tickets._ Thank God.

"Okay c'mon Lucy," I urge her as I usher her down the staircase, only stopping at the front door to put our huge jackets on and grab our suitcases, dragging everything into the Chicago snowfall. I throw everything into the back of the Pilot before strapping her into her booster seat.

"Mama?" She asks as I pull out from the driveway.

"Yeah baby?" I respond, trying to push all of my emotions back for now. I am on a mission, my goal is to get to Germany. When that's done I can cry.

"Is Daddy going to be okay?"

"I really hope so baby," God I hope he's okay. I just want him to live. I need him to live, I need him to be okay. We all need him to be okay.

 **Please review!**

 **Much Love,**

 **Addie**


	21. Chapter 21

**I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors, I did a quick edit on this but I wanted to get it out for you guys as fast as possible as I left you guys on a cliffhanger. I hope you guys like it!**

ERIN POV

"I need to see Sergeant Jay Halstead!" I bark as I run through the front entrance of the hospital, Will hot on my heels as she pushes a sleeping Lucy in her stroller. We've been traveling for like ten hours and I'm running on almost no sleep. Will and Lucy both got at least some sleep on the plane, but I just couldn't force myself to close my eyes, I was too busy running all of the worst case scenarios through my head. I didn't know anything about how he was doing or what had actually happened, I'm just using the details they gave me, that there are two bullets stuck in my husband. That's all I know.

"Calm down ma'am," the desk nurse says to me, her dark hair pulled into a tight bun on the back of her head, "are you family?"

"Yes," Will snaps from behind me, his sense of urgency matching mine, "She's his wife and I'm his brother," He growls, "Now where the hell is he?"

"Okay follow me," She says as she nods and leaves her post at the desk. We follow her down a white hallway towards an elevator, me having to hold back the urge to push in front of her and just run. The doors slide open almost immediately and Will and I nearly fall in. The ride couldn't have been more than 30 seconds, but it felt like a freaking lifetime. I twist my wedding rings around my finger and tap my foot anxiously on the linoleum floors as the elevator makes a beep and the doors open to an equally as sterile looking fourth floor.

"This is Sergeant Halstead's wife and brother, could you show them to his room please?" The nurse asks another nurse, a slight German accent laced through her words. The second nurse responds with a quick nod before quickly showing us to Jay's room. My heart beats faster with every step and I can feel the tears starting to pool in my eyes. We stop before a frosted glass sliding door and I clutch onto Will's arm as he pushes the stroller in front of us, not trusting my legs to do their job.

"You ready?" The blonde nurse asks. I give her a nod and she nods back at me before pushing open the doors. My hands flies to my mouth and the tears begin to freely flow as I get that first glimpse of my husband. I feel the vomit rising in the back of my throat and I choke it back down.

His face is beaten, bruises splattered across his face accompanied by a wide gash across his forehead, a tube running down his throat. And that's just what I can see, I have no idea what horrors are hidden below his hospital gown.

"I'll give you a minute," She says as she turns around to leave. Will nods back at her and parks Lucy's stroller in the corner of the room before turning his attention back to me.

He guides me to a couch against the wall of his hospital room. He sets me down and I collapse into his arms in a fit of sobs.

As good as it feels to be held right now, these aren't the arms I want to be in. I want to be in Chicago, cuddling on the couch with my husband and our daughter. I want to be walking through Millennium Park, our daughter each holding one of our hands as we swing her around. I want to be at the district, me stuck on desk duty while sneaking glances at him throughout the day. I want to be falling asleep in his arms as he teases me about my pillow obsession and lies a hand down over my growing belly. I want to anywhere but here, here is my worst nightmare.

* * *

I have no idea what time it is. The clocks are all set to 11:37 and the sky has been dark as long as we've been here, but I have no idea what the time is in Chicago. We've been here for maybe four hours and Will and Lucy had both fallen asleep, but Will woke up maybe half an hour ago and helped me transfer Lucy onto the small couch in the corner of the room. But we still haven't had any movement from Jay. His surgeon told us that he's still in critical condition. The bullet hit right next to a major artery in his stomach and he's lucky to be alive at this point. But his stats have been stable and so have his vitals, so I sincerely hope that those blue eyes will be opening soon. I've been sitting up at his bedside ever since we got here, tears staining my cheeks and his hand clutched in mine and as much as I'm scared, it still feels so good to hold his hand, my eyes tracing over every part of him.

"Erin," Will says quietly from the other side of the room. "You need to take a break,"

"I'm fine," I snap back at him. I know that I'm running on virtually no sleep, but seeing his face and hearing the beep of the monitor has been more than enough to keep me awake. I can do this for as long as he needs me to.

"You need to rest," He urges. "I know you didn't sleep on the plane and you are growing two humans inside you, you need to sleep,"

"I'll sleep when he wakes up," I snap back at him. I think he gets the message.

"Okay," He responds softly. "If you aren't going to sleep, go take a walk just for a minute. You need to relax, you're wound so tightly that you're going to snap. Go grab a cup of tea or something,"

"What the hell did you expect?" I whisper yell back at him, careful not to wake my sleeping child.

"Erin this isn't good for anybody," He responds, matching the intensity in my voice. "I'm not taking no for an answer, I will call you as soon as anything changes, now go,"

I storm out of Jay's room in a Will fueled rage. How dare he tell me what to do? Especially in this scenario. I am his wife, the mother of his children. But I did it, because deep down below the rage and anger, I know that he's right. I just need to relax for a minute, be alone. But I can't.

I pad through the florescent hallways of the hospitals, holding back tears but finally succumbing, falling to the ground in a teary mess. I can't cry in front of my daughter, I have to be rock solid. Strong and brave, that's what moms do.

Once the tears start, they don't stop. They don't have an off button. I feel someone sinking down next me, expecting to see Will I turn my head. But it's not Will, it's another woman her chestnut hair pulled into a ponytail and dark bags below her eyes. She doesn't say anything, just gives me a sympathetic smile and offers me her shoulder. I don't even hesitate, leaning into her and just losing it. That's when I realize it, she's another Army wife, here for the exact same reason that I am. And in that moment it doesn't matter that I don't have any idea who she is or that I've never met her, she's in the same boat that I am, the person that she loves lying in one of these beds.

"It's all going to be okay," She soothes as she lays a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I cry until I can't cry anymore, my eyes dried out and my throat horse. I can't even remember the last time I cried like that.

"Who are you?" I choke out as I try to pull myself back together.

"My name is Madeleine Hope," She tells me softly, her voice sounding like a simple melody. She's been through this before, I can already tell. _Hope._ That names sounds familiar, I can almost swear that I've heard it before. _Jack Hope._ Oh my God. His blonde hair and striking blue eyes flash through my mind, pulling up memories from that one call.

"Wait Hope as in Jack Hope?" I ask as I wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"Yeah, that's my husband," She responds, the confusion clear on her face. "How the hell do you know him?"

"Madeline my name is Erin Halstead," I answer slowly, realizing that woman could possibly know what happened over there, "I think our husbands were over there together,"

"You are married to Halstead? As in Sergeant Jay Halstead?" She ask, a reaction I can't quite recognize falling upon her face.

"Yeah, that's him," I respond, my turn to shoulder the confusion. She doesn't miss a beat before engulfing me in one of the tightest hugs I've ever felt.

"Thank God for him," She says breathlessly.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about," I tell her confused, wiping more salty tears away from my face.

"Your husband saved four Rangers, one of them being my husband," She tells me. Her words make my heart swell with pride and love for my husband.

"What happened?" I ask her. She has to know something.

"Has nobody told you anything?" I shake my head. "They were captured," My hands flies to my mouth. He's been through more than I ever thought possible. He's taken some fire as Chicago cop, I've been by his side for most of it but he's told me everything. Every single time that I talked to him while he was over there, he refused to tell me anything. He didn't want me to worry. Not that stopped me, I'm constantly worried about him. "Jay was the one that got them out, I don't know very much but from what I heard, my husband had already taken a shot to the chest and those other two bullets that were meant for his head, were taken by Halstead. The fact that my husband is here fighting for his life, that is owed to your husband. He would have been dead and cold right now if it weren't for him."

"Oh my God I had no idea," I respond, a million thoughts racing through my head. When Jay left, I told him not to be a hero. But sitting here next to this woman, I couldn't imagine him doing anything else, that's exactly who he is.

"I just wanted to say thank you," She says again.

"I'm not the one you should be thanking," I return.

"I know, but right now you're the closest thing," She responds, her dark eyes kind and understanding. "I should get back to Jack, but if you need anything at all, please come see me,"

"I appreciate it," I say as the two of rise to our feet, my eyes red and puffy.

"Anytime, us Army wives have got to stick together,"

* * *

"Thank you Will," I say, startling him as I return to Jay's room, Madeleine's words still fresh in my mind. I've pulled myself together, I can't fall apart again.

"What do you mean?" He asks, rising from his place next to Jay's bed.

"You we're right," I say reluctantly. "I needed that," I hear Lucy start to stir and rush over to her side on the couch.

"Mama where are we?" She asks groggily as she sits up, her little hands rubbing her eyes.

"Baby we're in the hospital in Germany remember?"

"Is Daddy okay?" She asks in a panic, the events of last night obviously flowing back to her.

"He's still sleeping," I tell her, trying to explain this to her in the simplest way possible.

"When is he going to wake up?" She asks as she climbs to my lap, the space on which grows smaller and smaller each day.

"I'm not sure my darling, we've just got to wait," I tell her as I rub my hand down her back.

"He's going to be okay right?"

"I hope so, but it's not in our hands now,"

"Lucy?" Will calls from the other side of the room. "Why don't we take a quick walk, give your mom a minute," She nods over at him and I mouth a quick "Thank you," in his direction. I just need a minute with Jay.

"Where are we going?" She asks as I transfer her from my arms to her uncle's.

"Uh how about we go find some food? I know everybody must be hungry," He offers. My stomach grumbles, I really haven't eaten since we were in Chicago. I don't even know how long ago that was, it feels like a lifetime.

"Okay," Luce says with a forced smile as she clutches onto her uncle.

"Bye baby," I wave as the two of them disappear past the frosted glass doors and quickly turn my attention back to Jay, once again taking a seat next to his bed.

"Jay you have to be okay." I plead with his unconscious body, his chest rising and falling with the pump of the ventilator and his hand held safely in mine. "Our daughter is waiting for you, these babies are waiting for you, I'm waiting for you. I can't do this without, so you need to wake up. You promised you would come home to us, I need you to come home to us."

That's when his monitor starts to wail, the once rigid mountains and valleys flattening to a flat line as an alarm begins to sound. Panic begins to flood my chest and without warning the tears return to my eyes.

"No, no, no, no, no, no," I cry as I leap up from my chair. "I need some help in here!" I shout in a panic. My words are met with a flurry of doctors and nurses rushing into his room as I stand there helplessly.

"Get her out of her!" One of them shouts she rips open his hospital gown and begins to pound down, administering CPR.

I try to resist as two others wrestle me outside, shutting the glass doors in my face leaving me alone to panic as I listen to the alarms going off behind those doors mixed with the

Our lives together flash before my eyes, Lucy's first day with us, the kiss on my couch, the custody trial, Lucy's fifth birthday, our wedding day, opening the letter in the kitchen, saying goodbye in the airport. He's been there, through the thick and the thin, the good and the bad, and now I'm losing him.

 **Please review!**

 **-Addison**


	22. Chapter 22

Erin POV

I stand outside his room, paralyzed in fear as I listen to the whir of the defibrillator and the thump of his body as it falls back onto the bed, tears streaming down my face and hoping and praying that he'll come back to me. He has to.

"We got him!" I hear from behind the closed doors, a wave a relief rushing through my tired body. "He's back," I breath a sigh of relief and struggle to keep my legs from failing as I hear his monitors return to their normal pace.

"Welcome back Sergeant Halstead, you gave us quite a scare there," I hear one of them say, a chuckle following her words. What the hell is she doing? This is not a laughing matter.

"I don't plan on going anywhere," I hear. It takes a second to register, but that's him. That's Jay's voice. I never thought I would hear that voice again. I don't even think before bursting through those doors.

"You're alive," I stammer, tears streaming down my face. I'm almost afraid to approach him, it doesn't feel real at all. And if it's a dream, I don't want to wake up.

"Hey Lindsay," He responds, his voice weak and scratchy but that smirk on his face as strong as ever. The front of his hospital gown is still open, his bare chest showing through.

"You scared the crap out of me Halstead," I say as I rush towards his bedside. "You just died,"

"You got hit by a car," He retorts, that smirk staying put. Yes because those are the exact same thing.

"Shut up," I say breathlessly as I push my lips against. God I have been wanting to do that since the day he left us in that airport. This is all I've wanted. Him. Us.

"C'mere," He says as we release from our lip lock, pulling me next to him on the bed.

"I don't want to hurt you," I fret as I try to remember where the bandages are.

"I don't care," He says as he pulls me in for another kiss, "I just need you close to me," He loops his uninjured arm around me and I tuck my head just under his chin, cherishing this time now more than ever. It feels so incredibly good to be held in his arms again.

"Your daughter is very anxious to see her dad," I tell him softly, content listen to his heartbeat, my head resting on his bare chest.

"She's here?" He asks, the pitch of his voice rising with excitement. "Where is she?"

"With your brother," I tell him.

"Wait Will's here too?" He asks confused.

"Yeah," I respond slowly, "I called him after I found out and he said that you would kill him if he let me fly alone, pregnant with twins and a five year old across the Atlantic Ocean," I say with a bit of a chuckle.

"He's not wrong," He says before dropping a kiss on the top of my head. "Remind me to thank him for that,"

"Will do babe," I say I say with a smile. Right now, I'll do just about anything, I am just so incredibly grateful that he's alive.

"Speaking of twins," He asks, retreating his arm and moving it down to my swollen stomach. "How are these babies doing?"

"Kicking, usually my bladder, keeping their mama up at night," I say with a smile as I feel his hand, mine on top. "Glad to have their dad back,"

"Daddy!" I hear the squeals from the entry of the room.

"Lucy Claire!" He exclaims as she rushes towards him, a smile plastered on both of these faces as she rushes over the foot of the bed, nearly launching herself towards us.

"Oh baby be careful, Daddy's hurt," I say. My words obviously don't have any effect, nothing is going to stop that man from holding his little girl.

"It's fine," He assures me as he engulfs her in a tight tug, breathing in his familiar scent and reveling in the moment. "I missed you so much baby girl,"

"You're back," She says with a cheeky smile, her two front teeth missing.

"And I'm not going anywhere ever again," He promises her, running his hand over her red curls, hanging loose and falling down her back.

"You promise?" She questions.

"Pinky swear,"

* * *

JAY POV

I look over at my perfect wife, curled up asleep on the couch with our amazing daughter laid next to her and I can't believe that I'm here with them. When we were being held, I didn't think we were going to make it out alive, I really didn't. But their faces, that's what kept me from giving up. I can't stop looking at them, memorizing every feature on both of their faces, noticing the subtle changes that have occurred since I last saw them. Lucy's two front teeth are missing and her hair has gotten so much longer and her curls have gotten looser.

Erin really didn't want to go to sleep, she wanted to stay up with and just lay with me, but with one look from Will I knew that she hadn't slept since they had gotten the call. That's the one thing that I wouldn't give up on, I made her close her eyes, even if it only lasted for a second. Will told me that Lucy has been sleeping, but the time change has been screwing with her schedule, so she only lasted maybe a half hour after Erin was out.

"Will?" I ask, getting my brother's attention from his spot in the corner.

"Yeah bro?" He asks as he looks up at me.

"How is she doing? Really doing. She's the same way that I am, she's not going to tell me what's really going on because she doesn't want me to worry anymore than I already do,"

"Jay let's put it this way, your wife, she's a freaking superhero," Will tells me, putting a smile on my face.

"I knew that already," I say with a smirk. "But seriously, how is she?"

"She missed you, you know that's obvious. But she's been holding it together for Lucy, she has always refused to fall apart in front of her. But Natalie and Kim go over some nights after she goes to sleep and Nat's told me what happens, Erin just cries. But in public, she's a rock." I can't help but feel so terrible about everything that I've put my family through. I know that I didn't have any control over any of this, but I still feel guilty about it.

"And the babies? How are they doing?" I ask. I haven't been able to be here for the pregnancy, other than getting the photos in the mail. It was the highlight of my week, every time that I would get a sonogram photo or a picture of Erin's growing belly, Lucy's smiling face right next to it. Based on the last scan I got, they are just starting move away from looking like shapeless blobs and actually looks like little humans, it's kind of amazing.

"They're good, Nat was with her at the last appointment and everything looked good,"

"Thank you Will," I say gratefully.

"For what bro?"

"I know that you've been there for them when I couldn't be and Erin told me that when she got the call, you dropped everything and jumped on a plane," I just keep going over that in my head, how grateful I am for my brother. Erin would have been fine of her own, but I wouldn't have liked it.

"Well what us was I going to do? You're my brother and Erin and Lucy they're my family, that's what we do. I know that you would do the same thing for Natalie and Owen, it's just what we do,"

"Still you are a great brother and I love you, we don't say that enough,"

"I love you too bro," He says. "Now seriously, get some rest. You did just get shot after all," He says with a chuckle.

"Will do," I say with a smile, quickly realizing I'm a lot more tired than I originally thought. But I don't want to sleep, I just want to lay here and watch them, just for a minute. I have so much to catch up on. And I don't want to miss a minute of it.

* * *

Erin POV

I open my eyes to a nurse checking on Jay's vitals and everyone is asleep, soft snores escaping from all three of them. I don't think I've ever slept that soundly. Or needed sleep that badly for that matter. I know that he's not out of the woods yet, but he's awake. He's alive. And right now, that's enough for me.

I don't have any idea how long we've all been asleep, but I do feel so, so much better. I'd eaten a little bit after Jay woke up, but oddly I didn't seem that hungry.

"Excuse me," I ask, hopeful that this nurse will have an answer but careful to keep my voice quiet, this entire family needs sleep after the ordeal we've been through.

"Yes?" She answers, taking a peek up from his chart and turning his attention towards me.

"I don't know if you can tell me anything, but is there anyway I can get an update on Jack Hope's condition?"

"I'm sorry I can't disclose too much, but they did just take him back up for surgery a few hours ago," Crap. That can't be good. On impulse, I make a rash decision. Madeleine shouldn't be alone for this. I know that I've only met her once, but she shouldn't have to go through this alone, no one should. Like she said, us Army wives have got to stick together. I shove my feet back into my sneakers and move over to grab my phone, shooting a quick text to Will that I know he'll see when he wakes up.

"Uh could you tell me where the surgical waiting room is?" I ask as I pull a sweatshirt over my tank top.

"Fifth floor, east wing. You'll see the signs,"

"Thank you," I tell her gratefully before dropping a kiss on Lucy's forehead and giving Jay's hand a loving touch and glancing at him one last time before departing. I feel a little guilty about leaving him, but he's awake. He's talking and he's going to be okay. Jack might not get that lucky. So that's where I have to be right now.

I make my way through the linoleum fluorescent lit hallways, opting to avoid the elevators and drudging up the single flight of stairs between the fifth floor and me. I follow the signs, written in both English and German until I find the waiting room, or area more. I spot Madeleine immediately, calmly sitting completely alone, her face blank, but empty of tears. I don't think she even notices me approaching her until I've taken a seat next to her. The circles under her eyes have only gotten darker and strands of hair falling from her ponytail.

"Hey," I say softly as I lay my hand over hers on the arm of the chair.

"Erin," She says surprised, she almost looks like she's coming out of a shock. "What are you doing here?"

"Jay's nurse told me that Jack had going up for surgery and nobody should be alone,"

"Erin you should be with Jay, I'm sure that he's still in critical condition," She argues.

"He woke up," I tell her graciously. I want to give her some hope, but I don't want to rub it in her face. "He's up and he's talking, he fell back asleep so it's more important that I'm here with you, we've got to stick together right?"

"That's great Erin. I'm glad he's okay and thank you, again," She responds. I know she won't fight me on this one. I know she doesn't want to be alone.

"What happened?" I ask her.

"Uh so when he was shot, it wasn't a through and through. The bullet was lodged near his heart and during the first operation they got most of it out but there was a fragment that broke off that they couldn't get, but they thought that it wouldn't move and it would be fine to just leave it in there,"

"And now it's moving," I fill in.

"Yeah,they said if they wait any longer that the bullet might rupture his heart or nick an artery and I'm sure that you now as well as I do that that could be catastrophic for him,"

"Yeah," I respond, not really knowing what to say.

"Distract me," She asks, the pleading in her voice silent but there.

"With what?"

"Just talk, tell me about your life," She asks. "Tell me something good,"

"Well you know that I'm married to Jay," I tell her, starting my story. "He's the love of my life,"

"Do you have any kids? Well any other kids I mean," She asks as she gestures to my belly.

"We do," I tell her with a grin as I visualize my girl. "We have a five year old daughter, her name is Lucy. We was involved with a case we were working when she was four and we adopted her a few months later."

"A case? What are you lawyers? Family services?" She asks curiously, obviously trying to block everything else that's going on right now.

"Uh no," I respond. "We're both detectives with the Chicago Police Department and I love my job, I love my team and I love that we get to make our city a better place every single day," I tell her.

"Wow," She says with a smile.

"What about you?" I ask. "Kids?"

"Three," She says with a smile, pulling out her phone to show me her lock screen of three smiling children, two boys and a girl and her and Jack sitting behind them, the image of everyone's ideal of a perfect family.

"They're beautiful," I tell her honestly.

"I kind of like them," She says with a bit of a chuckle.

"What are their names?" I ask her, doing anything and everything I can to keep her mind off the fact that her husband is lying open on the operating table.

"Callum's the oldest, he's twelve and then Declan came four years later and three years after that, we got their baby sister Brenna, she was a surprise to say the least," She says with a grin as she pockets her cell phone.

"You started young then?" I observe, Madeleine can't be more than 35, 36 years old. Either that or she looks amazing.

"In a way," She says.

"What?"

"Jack and I, we met the first day of freshman year at South Lake High School, we sat next to each other in Mrs. Steinheimer's seventh period English class and that started it all. We hated for the first year that we knew each other, we fought about everything on the surface of the planet. Everything. We hated each other and everybody knew it," She says with a sight chuckle. "And then in our junior year, we were all at this party. Of course I still hated his guts at this point, but the girl who had become my best friend Emily was his cousin and she had been asked by her aunt to keep an eye on him. And she dragged a bunch of our friends along with us and it was a really fun night. To everyone's surprise, it ended up being Em and not Jack who got flat out drunk that night, he didn't even pick up a drink." She says with a grin, me hanging on to every single word of her story. "Emily had driven us all that night, so he found her keys and drove us both home. We dropped her off at her house first and Jack said that he would be taking me home. Of course, we starting arguing. I don't even remember that what we were fighting about, but he dropped me off at the door and we were still fighting and I was probably yelling and I still think to this day that he did this just to shut me up, but he kissed me,"

"He kissed you?" I say almost laughing. Her story sounds like the plot of any high school movie.

"And then I slapped him," She says with a laugh, her eyes lighting up for the first time since I've met her. "And we started fighting again. And the next day, I woke up. I almost never drank and I had had maybe one beer the night before and I was so incredibly hungover." I can't help thinking about how different her high school years were from mine, but here we are, together in the same boat. "So I didn't believe my eyes when I opened the front door to see none other than Jack Hope. For the first time, we talked without screaming at each other or arguing about something stupid. And we talked and before he left, he kissed me again. Then the next day we showed up at school, walked down the main hallways holding hands and confused the hell out of everyone we passed, and the rest is history." She says with a chuckle. "I went off to college, he went to the army. We got married after I graduated and Callum was born two years later. How'd you meet your guy?"

"Well I'm going to tell you right now that my story is a whole lot more boring than yours is," I say with a bit of a laugh, thinking back to those first days that we were partnered. "We worked together, I started in the Intelligence Unit and like a month later he was brought in as my new partner," I say with a smile.

"And you just started dating?"

"Not exactly," I say with a laugh. "My dad happens to head the unit and when he noticed just the tiniest bit of flirting between me and Jay, he scared the crap out of him and told him to keep it in his pants," I tell her, a laugh escaping her lips. I'm glad that I can do this for her, even if it's just talking about stories for a few minutes to take her mind off of everything. I also know, based on my state less than a day ago, that it's still worrying her, no matter how put together she seems to appear.

"I assume based on your current state that that did not happen?" She says with a smirk.

"Not exactly," I respond, "But were friends for four years before we got together, we dated other people, but he was always there. And I told you about our daughter?" She nods. "Well we kind of did it backwards,"

"How do you mean?"

"When she first came into our lives, we weren't even together,"

"Huh what?"

"Our team responded to a call about a gun murder. It was a woman named Hannah Garnell and when we searched the house we found Lucy hiding in a closet upstairs. She needed to be put into protective custody, so I took her home to my apartment and our sergeant told him to come with me. He stayed over that night and I guess he just never left," I say with a smile on my face, remembering the early days. "We got married a year later and now we've got two kids on the way,"

"Twins?"

"Yeah," I respond. "They're due June 19th,"

"So you've got a long way to go Mama,"

"Don't remind me," I groan, "I have to pee every ten minutes, it feels like either one of the kids is just sitting on my bladder or the other one is kicking it,"

"I remember the feeling, but when you hold that little baby in your arms, it's all worth it,"

"Well, I'm counting down the days,"

"I'm sure you are," She says as I notice a doctor approaching us. "That's Dr. Staten," She says, the panic returning to her eyes. "He's the one who was operating on Jack,"

"It's going to be okay," I assure her as I grab her hand. But as he gets closer, I can read the look on his face. That's the look of bad news, I've had it on my face too many times. But I try to shove that back, I can't give up hope for Madeleine.

"Mrs. Hope?"

"Yes?" She responds hopefully.

"We tried everything we could, but we were too late. The bullet fragment nicked an artery and after several unsuccessful attempts to bring him back, your husband passed away at 6:37 AM." He hasn't even finished before Madeleine has collapsed into me crying. "I am so sorry for you loss," I nod over at him, signaling that is might be the time to for him to retreat.

I just let her cry, doing the same thing that she did only hours ago for me. But there's a difference, the hope is gone. Some doctor just told her that the man that she loves, the father of her children is gone. Her world is never going to be the same again. I had my hope. My hope worked. I got my guy back. But her guy? He's gone.

* * *

"Hey baby," Jay says softly as she I enter the room. "Where did you disappear to?" After Madeleine got the news, we just sat there. Neither of us saying anything as she drained her body of tears, melting into my side. Once she felt up to it, I walked her back to their room. She just wanted to be alone, so I left with the promise that I would be back. I won't leave her.

"There was just something I needed to do," I respond simply. "Where's Luce?"

"She got hungry after she woke up so Will took her down to the cafeteria so again I ask, where did you go? I woke up and you we're just gone,"

"I was with Madeleine Hope," I tell him as I kick off my shoes before climbing in bed next to him, again careful to avoid all of his bandages and wires.

"Jack's wife?" He asks as I lay my head on his chest. "Why?"

"I met her last night, right before you woke up. Will told me to take a wake and I ran into her in the hallways," I tell him, purposely leaving out the part where I collapsed on the floor and cried in her arms. "Jack got pulled into surgery again and I didn't want her to be alone, so I just sat with her. I tried to distract her so we talked,"

"Is Jack okay?" He asks. I don't say anything but I know the look on my face is telling it all. "He's gone isn't he?"

"I'm so sorry baby,"

"How? We got out together, we were supposed to home together," He says in denial. I can already tell what's going through his mind.

"Jay this isn't your fault,"

"If I could have pulled him out sooner and maybe he would have been okay," He stammers.

"Babe you did everything you could, you gave his wife a chance to say goodbye to him,"

"He's really gone,"

"Yeah, he's gone," I tell him as I curl into his side, my belly creating a roadblock, "But's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay,"

 **Please review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addison**


	23. Chapter 23

**First off I want to thank you guys for the response to this story as it hit 200 reviews on the last chapter! But I'm not going to lie, I'm not entirely happy with this chapter and it's a little bit of a filler chapter just to get things moving, but I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless. Also I'm am not a doctor, so all of my medical information is found through my extensive Googling and may or may not be incredibly accurate, but I did try my best! And we've got a new episode tonight!**

 **Erin POV**

"Welcome home babe," I say as I push open the front door, Lucy asleep on Jay, her head resting on our shoulder as we exit the dark Chicago cold. He'd spent a week in the hospital in Germany, the whole time itching to get home, but we couldn't leave until his doctors cleared him for travel. And after an hour car ride, an eight hour plane ride and another half hour in a cab, we are finally home.

Will had to leave as soon as Jay was stable, two days after we got there. I know that he wanted to stay, but he had to get back to work and Jay didn't want to keep him away from Natalie and Owen any longer than he had to. As much as he was worried about Jay, I knew that he missed his family.

Madeleine flew back to Ann Arbor two days after Jack died and it hurt to see her go, though I know we'll be seeing her again soon. I've talked on the phone with her more than a couple times and I can tell she's suppressing those feelings. She's doing the exact same thing that I've always done, keeping it together for the sake of her kids.

"I have never been so happy to walk through this front door," He says gratefully as we kick our shoes off, abandoning our suitcases in the hallway. The time is nearing midnight in Chicago and as we never really adapted to the Germany time zone, we're all just aching to fall into bed.

The house is much cleaner than it was when I left, I assume that someone from the unit must have came in a picked it up while we were gone, which is great because cleaning up is the last thing on my mind right now. Percy is staying with Kim and Adam for the time being, but we'll be picking him up at some point.

"And I'm so glad I got to bring you home," I say as I reach my neck up, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be home, not even home, but to be home with him, walking and breathing.

"I just want to go to sleep, next to the girl I love,"

"Done and done," I say tiredly as I discard my jacket, not even caring that I'm dropping it in the hallway floor. The two of us make our way up the stairs, willing our feet to keep moving and our eyes barely open as Lucy's head bobs over Jay's shoulder, her curls covering her face in a curtain of bright red, only her soft snores making it past.

"Goodnight, I love you baby," I hear him whisper as he lays her down in her bed as I lean against the door frame, a smile on my face. It's the little moments like this that I missed, the tiny snippets in time that really make you a family. For three months, a piece of our family was missing.

"I'm really glad you're back," I whisper as he approaches me.

"I'm not going anywhere darling," He promises as he loops his arm around my shoulder. I notice him wince slightly as my shoulder comes in contact with both of the healing wounds, but I don't say anything. They cleared him to travel, but I knew that he was still in some pain, but I just smile up at him gratefully.

"C'mon babe," I say as I reach up to grab his hand and lead him back to our room. As much as I want to revel in him and the freedom of being out of the hospital back, I can barely keep my eyes open. All I want is my bed. I feel gross and as much as I want to shower off a full day's amount of travel scum, that can wait until tomorrow morning.

I strip off my jeans and the thick sweatshirt, leaving them in a pile on the floor and grabbing one of Jay's Army t-shirts that's way too big for me from the drawer, slipping it over my head before pulling off my bra under the shirt. The shirt hangs a little higher than normal, falling just below my growing stomach. As I near 20 weeks, the two babies have been kicking like crazy and I love seeing Jay's face light up every time he feels one of their little feet. Or elbows or hands, I'm learning, but I'm not really sure at this point.

I twist my hair into a bun on the top of my head and thankfully remember that I don't have any makeup to wash off. Jay had followed suit in terms of a simple routine, quickly changed into a pair of gray sweatpants and lying low on his hips, revealing his chiseled abs, which to my dismay are still covered in healing bruises and two bandages on his chest and shoulder, bringing back painful memories for both of us, worse for him I'm sure.

I slide into the freshly made bed beside Jay, laying my head on the uninjured side of his chest, ignoring my usual urge to grab the pillows, I just need to be close to him right now. My stomach creates a bit of a roadblock between the two of us, but I still curl up to him as tight as I can.

I almost flinch as I see the wounds up close again. Obviously, there's the two major gunshot wounds, but other than that there are cuts and bruises all over his body.

"It feels so good to be back in our bed," He say softly as he presses his lips to the top of my head. "With laying you next to me," It's not I didn't lay next to him in the hospital, believe me I did. But's it's not the same as doing it in your own bed. But I can feel my eyelids drooping, I won't be awake for much longer.

"Goodnight, I love you," I mumble as I feel my eyes close, shutting the world out, peacefully for the first time in months.

* * *

"JACK!" I hear. I shoot up in a panic. I knew that this was a possibility, but I didn't want to believe that it could happen. I look over to see Jay tossing and turning, sweat pooling in his face as he screams out Jack's name. I panic, not knowing what to do but following my instincts.

"Jay," I say loudly as I shake him by the shoulders, trying desperately to pull him from his nightmare. "It's Erin, wake up!" I continue to shake him until I see his eyes flare open, those big blue eyes raging with fear. I've never seen that look in his eyes and I can almost hear his heartbeat racing in his chest.

"Where am I?" He stammers as his eyes race around the room.

"Babe you're home," I try to convince him. "You're home, you're okay, it's just me. It's Erin." I yelp.

"What happened?" He begs.

"It was a nightmare, everything's okay. You're home, you're okay," I assure him, running my hands down both of his arms and hoping and praying that is going to help.

"No I'm not, no I'm not where am I?" He exclaims, the fear still obvious on his face. He's back there, wherever they were. Mentally at least.

"Jay you are fine," I plead with him, "we are home, you're okay,"

"What's going on," He demands. It's obvious that none of my words are going through to him, not logically anyway.

"Come here," I say. In a last ditch effort I grab his hand and press it to my stomach, grateful that this is happening exactly at this moment, "Feel that?" I ask. "That's one of the babies, our babies,"

"It is?" He asks, the panic beginning to dissipate as our child's kicks bring him back down to me.

"Yeah," I respond breathlessly as Jay leans back into his pillow and I use my thumb to wipe a bit of the sweat off Jay's forehead. "You okay?"

"It was just a nightmare Er, don't worry about it," He tells me. He's insane if he thinks I'm not going to worry. I'm going to worry.

"Okay," I respond. I'm just going to bite my tongue for now, it's four thirty in the morning. We can talk about this in the morning. I notice him falling asleep pretty quickly, but instead of curling up close to me like he usually does, he's turned away from me. After about half an hour, I hear the soft snores from the other side of the bed, but I can't sleep a wink.

* * *

Until Lucy came running into our room at eight the next morning, I just laid there, staring straight up at the ceiling and taking the more frequent than usual pee breaks. I know that he told me not to, but I just cannot stop worrying about him. I know that something has to be done about this. And I also know that he'll argue me into he's blue in the face that he's fine. He's not fine.

And I know that it's probably not the best thing to do, but I just need one day with us as a normal family. I'll just wait it out and if it happens again tonight, I'll say something. But right now, I just want my family. Even just a day.

"So what do you want to do on your first day back?" I ask him as the two of stand side by side at the double vanity, me brushing through my drying hair and him shaving the bit of stubble that has quickly formed on his jaw. Lucy downstairs watching some cartoon about a school where all the animals are teachers or something and it should entertain her for just long enough for the two of us to get ready.

"I think I just want to hang around the house with my girls," He tells me with a smile.

"That sounds perfect," I tell him with a grateful smile. Though I would have gone along with any of his requests, I'm glad that this is the one he's chosen. Traveling is tiring and especially after not getting too much sleep last night and being pregnant with twins, my energy is definitely lacking to say the least. "Chocolate chip pancakes?"

"That's the best way to do it,"

* * *

"I'm glad you're home Daddy," Lucy says next to me on the bar stool, Jay flipping pancakes across the island as the two of us look on.

"I'm really happy to be home Bean," He says with a grin as another pancake lands back in the pan with a sizzle. As much as I'm trying to revel in the happy of having our family back together, I can't keep last night out of my mind. So I try to push it to the very back, I need room for other things today.

"You're not leaving us again right?"

"Sorry little girl, you're stuck with me," He says with that smirk on his face that I've missed so much.

"Did you read my letter?" She asks, those hazel eyes big and sparkling. Oh yeah. I almost completely forgot about that, the little letter she slipped into my bag the day he left.

"I did," He says with a grin. "And after I read it the first time, I kept it in my bag and whenever I missed you and your mom, I would just look at the letter."

"Does Mama get to know what was in the infamous letter?" I tease as I give her a little flick on the shoulder.

"No Mama it's a secret," She claims, that serious look on her face putting me in very real danger of bursting into laughter. I look at Jay, hoping that maybe he'll crack.

"Lucy Claire has spoken my hands are tied," He says throwing his hands in the air defensively.

"Fine," I say playfully as he continues to cook. My skills did get better while he was gone as I didn't really have a choice and I know that Lucy didn't say anything, but we all know that both of prefer her father's cooking. As do most people with taste buds.

We spend the rest of the day laughing and just spending time together, watching movies on the couch and playing board games, making up for three months of lost time.

 **I know it's a little short but I hope you guys liked it and you leave me a quick review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	24. Chapter 24

**I finished up this chapter kind of late at night and I wanted to get it posted for you guys, so I apologize for any spelling or grammar issues. Please review!**

Erin POV

"I'm really glad we're doing this," I say as we stroll along, hand in hand. Jay 's been home for a little over two weeks and we're both going back to work tomorrow. We spent the entire week with Lucy and as much as I loved spending time with her and Jay, I really needed some time with just my husband, so we dropped her at Kim and Adam's house for the time being. We desperately needed some time to talk, really talk without our five year old interjecting every two minutes, even though it is adorable.

He's had a nightmare of some sort almost every night and I keep trying to work up the courage to say something, but every time I get close I curl back into myself. It's ridiculous, I know that. He's my husband, I should be able to talk about anything and everything with him, but things are just now getting back to normal and I don't want to change anything. I really like normal. I missed it. I don't want to let it go.

But I know that he needs this. It's the start of March now and I'm at 23 weeks and I know the last couple of months are just going to fly by and I want him to get help sooner than later, because our lives are about to get a hell of a lot more chaotic. I know that this isn't going to be an easy fix. He won't wake up one day and just be back to how he was when he left us. He's been through it and it's going to take a lot of time to unravel the damage and start to put it back together, but we have to start somewhere and we need to start now.

We'd decided to do something simple, a change of pace from the last few weeks of our lives. And since Chicago has blessed us with a few days of not freezing weather, we're taking a walk through Burnham Park, driving a little further out of the way to escape the towering skyscrapers that were used to seeing. The drive was totally worth it, the views of the Loop are incredible but you still feel a million miles away from everything, it's the perfect combination.

"I missed this," I say as I lean into him, my hands latched into his arm, our footsteps in sync. "The quiet days, not that we've had too many of them anyway,"

"They're nice aren't they?" He comments as a brisk breeze flies through my hair, separating my curls behind my head.

"So I wanted to talk to you about something," I say. I have to come right out with it. If I give myself anymore time to think about it, I know that I'll chicken out again. I have to do this, for him and for our family.

"What's up?" He asks, oblivious to the fact that anything is wrong.

"You're scaring the crap out of me," I blurt out.

"What?" He asks, stopping our gait instantly.

"The nightmares. I don't know if you know this, I've been waking you up once I realize, but you're screaming in your sleep and I think you need to see somebody, a therapist or just somebody that you can talk to," I brace myself for his response, I have no idea what he's going to say to this, we haven't ever had a conversation like this.

"Erin," He responds slowly, those big blue eyes peering through me and my heart pounding in my chest. "I already am,"

"What?"

"I was hoping, unrealistically probably, but nonetheless, I was hoping that I could just come home and go back to normal. But after the first night home, the first nightmare I knew that I wasn't okay. You were already under so much stress," I open my mouth to argue but he stops me. "I know you'll never admit to it, but I know you Erin Lindsay." He says with a slight grin."I didn't want to stress you out anymore than you already were, so the next day when I told you I was dropping by the hospital to see Nat and Will, I actually went to see Dr. Charles." He says. I know that he doesn't want to be telling me this. I can almost hear shame in his voice. "I've been seeing him every few days. The last time I came back, I went to a dark place. But I refuse to let myself get there this time, I have a daughter and two more kids on the way and I have you, I can't risk that this time and so I knew that I had to get ahead of it,"

"Baby why didn't you tell me?" I ask him as we continue our stroll.

"The whole time I was in the hospital, I just felt so helpless. I know that it's probably stupid, but I just needed to this this on my own. I wanted to be able to get better on my own." He explains. Oh. I understand that, I really do. But I can't help still wanting to help him.

"Babe I get it, I do. But if you feel like you're falling, I'm going to pull you out. I'm not going anywhere," I assure him.

"I know, but I just needed this," He explains again.

"And I'll give you all the space that you need, but when you need me, I'll be here okay," I tell him as I lean my head down on his shoulder.

"I know, that's why I love you," He tells me.

"There better be more reasons than that," I joke. "I do have two of your children hanging out in my uterus,"

"The first on a very, very long list of reasons," He corrects himself with a grin.

"Smart man," I say with a chuckle.

"Speaking of those two children," He says as he places a hand on my ever growing stomach. I swear, everyday I think it can't stretch anymore and then I remember that I'm only a little over halfway through. "We need to start thinking about names, we haven't discussed it at all and we do need two of them. Actually since we're not finding out the genders, we technically need four just to cover all of our bases,"

"Have you thought about it at all?" I ask.

"Not extensively, but I do have a few ideas," He tells me tenderly.

"Alright, let's hear 'em," I request.

"I kind of like the name Lily,"

"Lily and Lucy?" I question, giving him that look.

"Did not think about that," He says with a laugh as he quickly retracts the idea. "What about you?"

"I haven't really thought about first names at all, but I think I have some ideas for their middle names,"

"Middles names before first names?" He asks as he gives me a weird look.

"Just give me a sec," I say with a grin as I jab him in the side. "If we have a boy, I'd like to use the middle name Oliver,"

"Oliver?"

"It's Justin's middle name and I've always loved it. I ran it by Hank a few weeks ago, just in passing and I want to use it," I tell him. I can see his face soften as I explain the meaning behind it.

"Of course," He says softly. "You have some other ideas too?"

"I do," I say, quite nervous to bring him my suggestion for a girl. In a way, Oliver is mine and I know that this one is going to mean a whole lot to him. "I think that if we have a little girl, her middle name should be Piper,"

"Really?" He asks in surprise.

"She was your sister and I know you were close, I couldn't think of a better way to keep her spirit alive. If you don't want to do it, just say so," I ramble.

"Erin it's perfect," He cuts me off. "I am more than okay with it, I would love that."

"Good," I say with a smile as I nuzzle into his shoulder, a cold, salty breeze blowing in from off the lake. "Okay now we have to get some first names for these babies, got anything?"

"I've always kind of liked the name Nora," He tells me.

"Nora," I repeat letting the name roll off my tongue and playing with the sound. "Nora Piper Halstead,"

"What do you think?" He asks as he nervously as we awaits my opinion.

"I like it," I say as I toy around with it my head. "Let's say for now at least, that we have one of our girl names."

"See not too hard right?"

"You're going to jinx it, we aren't going to be able to agree on anything else," I tease. "And we've got three more names to come up with so you better hope it's not too hard,"

"I think we got this," He says with a smile.

"Alright Halstead," I say with a smirk.

"I have another middle name idea,"

"Hit me,"

"If it's two girls,"

"God I hope not, I need at least one boy," I interrupt, met with a laugh from Jay.

"Okay, but still if it's two girls, I want the other one to have the middle name Lindsay,"

"You do?"

"Yeah," He says with a smile, "I mean all of our kids are going to have my last name and I think it'd be kind of cool if one of them had just a piece of yours,"

"Yeah," I say as I toss the name around in my head. Lindsay. I'd never really thought too much of my last name, it's always just been my name. But now that I don't have it anymore, not legally anyway, it might be kind of cool to pass it down to my girls. Of course it's unlikely that it'll happen, I'll only use it if we end up having two girls, but it's still a nice idea. "And what would Blank Lindsay Halstead's first name be?"

"We can talk about it another day," He says as he dots my cheek with a light kiss. "But we should probably think of at least one boy's name, you know cause there is a 66.6% chance that we will have to name at least one boy,"

"You're right," I respond. "So we need a name to go with Oliver,"

"Maybe Jake?" He offers.

"Jake and Jay? That wouldn't get confusing around the house?"

"Okay you're right, uh Zachary?" He asks.

"No," I respond with a bit of a laugh.

"Why? I like Zachary," He asks me confused.

"I dated a guy named Zach when I was in the Academy, cheated on me the night of my graduation,"

"Alright so Zachary is out," He responds without missing a beat. "Why don't you contribute a few?"

"Fine," I respond, the sass clear as day in my rasp. "Parker,"

"Nope, sounds like a girl's name to me,"

"Did you date a Parker or something?" I tease, expecting a chuckle or maybe a playful nudge.

"Uh huh," He says quickly. "Super hot, not as hot as you of course," Nice save. "But she was totally nuts,"

"Okay so Parker is out," I say with a laugh. "I'm just going to list a bunch, tell me if you hear something you like." He nods. "Blake, Sawyer, Callum, Quinn, Hunter, Hudson, Charlie, Harrison," He shakes his head at every single one. "See!" I exclaim as I smack his arm, "You jinxed us!"

"I did not!" He claims defensively as a smirk runs across his face.

"Oh of course not," I tease with a smile as big as the world. "We're not going to get anywhere if we just keep dumping names at each other, so why don't we table this for now. We'll think about some names that we like and we'll start making a list,"

"We're doing the list?" He questions, giving me that "seriously" look.

"We're doing the list," I confirm with a grin. "Kim and Adam have Lucy for another three hours and I was thinking,"

"That we could go home and have a little fun?" He says, that mischievous look in his eyes.

"No," I say with a grin. "But maybe tonight, you'll just have to wait and see,"

"You're killing me babe," He responds.

"I know," I say with a laugh. "But we go back to work tomorrow and we need to get those cribs built,"

"Er, we still have like four months to get everything done,"

"I know, but twins tend to come early and the next few months are going to zip by and then before you know it, we'll have two babies with no place to sleep," I say, giving him that look that I know he won't be able to say no to.

It's not like we have too much left to do. The unit came over one day while Jay was still deployed and we had painted the room a pale gray and since Jay's been back we've slowly been putting together the furniture together that's been sitting in boxes for months. I'd been meaning to do it, but once I had a minute there was always something else that needed to be done. We have their dresser changing table thing built and the glider is ready to go in the corner, so after the cribs are built we really only have to do the superficial design things. But I know that I'll feel much better once everything is done.

"Let's go," He says with a roll of those big blue eyes as he laces his arm around my waist, leading me back towards the 300.

 **So sorry for the wait on the update, but I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I'm not completely sure, but I do think, as of now, that I will be wrapping this story up within the next two or three chapters, so once again I want to thank the people who've been along for the ride and have been leaving me kind reviews since I posted the first chapter of Lucy and I hope you'll leave me a short review on this chapter!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	25. Chapter 25

**I apologize for any and all spelling and grammar errors, I typed and edited this chapter very quickly and it's going up quite late at night, but I hope you guys enjoy it!**

Erin POV

I am so done with being pregnant. My feet are swollen, my back hurts almost all the time, and I have to pee every two minutes. I swear the kids are going to be soccer players or boxers or something because they don't every stop kicking. The cold months are winter are long gone, spring a fresh memory and the hot and humid months of summer have begun to set in, yet we're only in June. We've got a long way to go.

I'm pushing 35 weeks and I am so excited for these children to evacuate my uterus. I just want to meet them and see their little faces, study every feature and debate with Jay about who got what from who and start figuring out who they are going to be, learning their likes and dislikes and watch them shape their personalities. It's all so new and incredible and at the same time, so incredibly terrifying.

While I'm absolutely looking forward to being able to hold them and have my body back, it scares the crap out of me. While they're inside me, they're safe. They don't know our world yet, they haven't experienced the pain and the hurt and I haven't had a chance to screw up yet. That scares me.

I've always known that I'm a protective mom, probably over protective and in any other scenario people would probably say that I'm paranoid and to not worry about the worst case scenarios, but we've been pulled through some of the worst case scenarios. My daughter is five years old and she's had a gunman run rampant through her school. My husband was shot in the line of duty. We've lived through the worst case scenarios too many times. We know the worst case scenario all too well.

But I've been trying to convince myself not to think like that. I can't think like that. These babies are going to be fine. They have to be.

Jay and I went back to work a while ago and while being on desk duty is killing me, it's been so much better now that I have Jay in the office. Wes is still here, partnered up with Jay since I can't be out in the field and I know the unit has finally accepted him. It took a while, but we all came around eventually and it was definitely easier once Jay came home, the sense that he was there to replace him was finally gone.

Thankfully, Lucy is excited to meet her siblings, but I can tell already that she's not looking forward to sharing Jay and me. She and well Percy too I guess, are very upset that my lap space seems to have disappeared and I can't imagine what's going to happen when there are two crying infants requiring constant attention. I worry about that a lot too, not being able to be enough for all three of them. I love Lucy with my entire heart and soul, I would give my life for her's without a hesitation. How do you split that three ways? It just doesn't seem possible to me. I talked to Antonio about it for a bit and he didn't really give me anything solid, simply telling me that I wouldn't know that I could do it until they're born, which makes sense I guess. But still, I'm freaking terrified and every kick from them and every quip from Lucy reminds me of that.

I've been stuck on desk duty for almost seven months and I'm about to go stir crazy just sitting in the bullpen. The entire unit is out on a bust and I'm here. Alone. Again. Doing paperwork. Plus the fact that I have to worry about Jay is only making it worse. I mean I've always worried about him, but when we're in the field together, I have his back and he has mine, I'm still not totally comfortable passing that off to someone else. Especially today, I've been having this stomachache all day and it's putting me in an even worse mood.

While this has been driving me absolutely crazy, the one upside is that I can get out of the district early enough to pick up Lucy from school most days, and now we don't have to rely on our nanny Emily so much. That and my typing has gotten significantly faster.

I wince as I feel a slight tightening in my stomach. _Contractions._ No there's no way. It's too early. They aren't due for another six weeks. It's Braxton Hicks, it has to be. It only lasts for maybe 30 seconds before the pain quickly subsides. I brush it off before going back to my computer, quickly forgetting about it until another one comes. They don't hurt too bad, maybe just like cramps. But they aren't insufferable. I can deal with them without too much of a fight and I don't think anything of them. They come and go for an hour maybe. I'm not sure how Braxton Hicks are supposed to feel or how long they're supposed to last, but these can't be real contractions. It's too early. They aren't ready. They're not strong enough, they're too little. They're supposed to stay in there for a little while longer.

Suddenly I feel something else. It's not just discomfort anymore, it't pain and it's pulsing through my entire body. I want to curl in on myself. This is real. They're coming. I start to panic. I'm alone. Jay's not here. This is not how this was supposed to go. But I can't stop them. It's my body, but this isn't under my control anymore.

I grab my cell phone as the contraction subsides, punching in Jay's number from memory.

"C'mon, c'mon," I plead as I tap my foot on the wood floors, praying that Jay will pick up his phone, but I have a feeling in my chest of exactly where that phone is, locked in the glove box of the 300 as they finish up the bust. My feeling of dread is realized when he doesn't pick up the phone, that ever familiar message responding to my begs. It's not supposed to be like this. He's supposed to be here with me. That's how it's supposed to go. I hear the beep before I frantically leave a message.

"Jay, it's me," I stammer. "I think the babies are coming, I'm going to go to Med. Please meet me there and call me as soon as you get this, I love you," I hang up before panicking slightly. I punch out a quick text to Jay, Voight, Burgess, and Ruzek knowing that whoever is first to check their phone will hightail it with Jay to Med. But in the meantime, what the hell am I supposed to do? Platt.

I grab the phone sitting on my desk and dial the extension for the front desk. She answers immediately, thank God.

"Lindsay what the hell do you want?" She answers.

"Trudy I need you help," I say frantically.

"What's wrong?" She asks, her tone changes as she recognizes mine.

"I think I'm in labor,"

"What? Aren't they not due for another five weeks?"

"Yes, six. But that's not the point. I'm having my babies and I'm alone up here and I really need you to come up here and then drive me to Med!" I almost yell. I'm panicking. I know I'm panicking. But I'm really trying to keep calm.

"Okay, okay. I'm coming." She tells me. "Pierce come watch the desk, I'm going out!" She yells before slamming the phone back on the register. It's not even twenty seconds before I hear her stomping up the stairs and appearing in the pen.

"Did you call Halstead?"

"Of course I did," I snap, finding myself to be extra snarky in this whole scenario. "the whole unit is on a bust they won't be answering their phones right now."

"Alright what are we dealing with?"

"I don't know, I think I've been having contractions for maybe an hour?"

"An hour?"

"I thought they were Braxton Hicks," I defend as I make my way over to her, grabbing my bag from the back of my chair and slinging it over my shoulder. "Let's go, I want to get into the car before another contraction hits,"

"Oh okay," She stammers as she comes over to me, "You want to take my car or should I drive yours?"

"Yours please," I say as I begin to descend down the stairs, moving as fast as I can in my current state. I make the snap decision to turn towards the back exit, hoping to avoid questions from anyone and Platt follows me without saying anything. She helps me settle in the passenger seat of her SVU and I have a realization. Crap. Lucy. What the hell are we supposed to do with her?

I grab my phone from my back pocket and click on Emily's name, sincerely hoping that she will be available.

"Hey Mrs. Halstead," She greets politely.

"Emily I think I'm in labor and I need you to pick Lucy up from school okay?" I respond, cutting right to the chase, I don't have time to beat around the bush right now.

"Oh okay," She responds, the shock obvious in her voice. "Do you need me to say overnight at your place?"

"I'm not sure, can we play it by ear?" I respond.

"Of course," She says. "Oh and what do you want me to say to Lucy?"

"Nothing for now, I'll call her or have Jay do it when we get a chance,"

"Alright, good luck."

"Thank you Em, I'll call you when we have an update,"

"Standing by," I hear the line click on the other end and I shove the phone back into my pocket. I trust Emily with Lucy and I'm glad that that's one less thing that I'll have to worry about, for now at least. She's in good hands. I clamp my mouth down tight and squeeze my eyes shut as I feel another contraction coming on, trying to keep any noise from coming out of my mouth. They're getting worse. And closer together. I know that you're supposed to time them and whatever, but I don't really have any idea how long I've been having contractions so it's not like it'll be useful now.

"You alright?" Platt asks as she notices the look on my face.

"Just drive," I grimace through the pain.

* * *

Jay POV

"It was a good bust," I tell Wes as the two of us lean back on the hood of the 300. We'd just busted a major heroin ring and the perps had just been ushered away in a couple of patrol cars.

"That it was," He responds as he takes a swig from the plastic water bottle.

"Halstead," Ruzek calls as he comes over towards us.

"What's up?" I ask as I stand up.

"Have you checked your phone recently?" He asks.

"No why?" I ask as I come closer to him, that look on his face growing weirder by the second. "It's in the glove box like it always is during a bust,"

"You're going to want to check your phone,"

"Okay?" I respond confused as I open the door and grab my cell phone, it takes a minute to turn on before I see the call and texts from Er. Crap. _In labor, meet me at Med ASAP._ That message was sent 42 minutes ago. The district isn't that far away from Med, she's probably already there. The panic sets in before my heart can even beat again. It's too early. They aren't due for another six weeks. We aren't ready yet. They aren't ready yet. Wait who is she with? She better not have tried to drive herself to Med I swear.

"We got to go," I tell Wes as I make a mad dash for the driver's seat.

"What's up?"

"Erin's in labor,"

* * *

Erin POV

"How far along are you?" Natalie asks as she helps me out of Platt's car. Platt ran into the ER to grab someone as soon as we got here and as soon as she said the name Erin Lindsay, Natalie had grabbed a wheelchair before anybody else could even move. She's my sister in law so technically she isn't allowed to treat me, but I need somebody here with me, at least until Jay gets here. She and I got really close while Jay was overseas, she knew what I was going through and she was always there. I trust her. Plus she's had a baby before, she knows what the hell is going on. I feel a gush between my legs and I blush rush to my cheeks as I hear the liquid splash all over the floor.

"I don't know, but my water just broke all over your shoes," I say sheepishly as she lowers me down into the wheelchair. A nurse is behind me pushing, but Natalie is just here for moral support at this point.

"Alright you are most definitely in labor, these babies do not want to wait," She confirms, brushing off the fact that my amniotic fluid is currently soaking through her sneakers.

"Wait Nat, it's not too early for them to be born right?" I ask, this being the one question on my mind for the last twenty minutes.

"No," She answers quickly, "for twins we consider them to be full term at 37 weeks, you're what 34?" I nod. "They should be fine, they're just going to be a little small,"

"But they're going to be okay?"

"They're going to be fine," She assures me, a comforting hand on my shoulder. I can feel another contraction coming and I bite down on my lip, trying not to let it show. "We're going to get you up Labor and Delivery and then you're going to have a couple babies,"

"Just get Jay here,"

* * *

Jay POV

"Oh thank God," I hear Erin say as I bolt into her hospital room. After I got her text, I drove faster than I think I ever in an attempt to make it to the hospital as fast as possible. We ran into a little bit of traffic and I think it was the most infuriating fifteen minutes I have ever experienced. I had Wes drop me off at the main entrance while he parked and I know the rest of the unit is not far behind.

"I am so sorry," I gush as I run up to her, Natalie standing next to her bedside and Dr. Reaser pouring over Erin's chart in the corner of the room.

"Doesn't matter, you're here now," She says as she pulls me in for a kiss, being careful to avoid all the monitors and IV's currently hooked up to her.

"Alright where are we at?" I ask to nobody in particular, figuring that all three women in the room could probably answer my question.

"We just checked her and she's measuring at about six centimeters and we need to get her to ten to push," Dr. Reaser explains.

"But we're getting there?" Erin asks hopefully.

"We're getting there, but it's still going to be a little while," She answers.

"Wait how is she already over halfway there?

"Well Erin her has been in labor for like five hours and she didn't notice," Natalie says, giving Erin a look.

"Seriously?" I say as I look over at Erin, a smirk on my face as she just shrugs her shoulders at me.

"Your girl has got a damn high pain tolerance, most women would have been already been here for several hours by the time that your wife even called for help,"

"Well I've got a strong wife," I say as I shoot her a grateful grin.

"Okay," Natalie cuts in, "You are looking stable, so I'm going to run out really quick,"

"You're leaving?" She asks, the disappointment clear in her voice.

"No, no, I'll be here, I'm just going to change out of the scrubs and clock out. I'm not leaving you Erin," She promises.

"Thank you, I want you to be here when they're born, you were here for the entire pregnancy, I want you here," Erin had filled me in on everything that had happened while I was gone, and I know from both her and from Will that the two of them got super close and I'm surprised at all by her latest request.

"I'll be wherever you need me to be," She adds as she gives her hand a quick squeeze. I smile at the scene before me. I'm glad Erin has someone like Natalie. Kim too. I'm always going to be here, but she needs someone that she knows she can lean on and they've done a wonderful job of filling that role.

"I'm going to leave you to it, a nurse will be in soon to check you and just send me a page if you need anything,"

"Thank you," I add as she leaves the room with a wave, her lab coat swishing around her magenta scrubs.

"You ready for this?" I ask as I take a seat next to her, wrapping her smooth hands in mine.

"Not at all," She with a grin, those adorable dimples showing. "But I'm excited as hell,"

 **Please review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	26. Chapter 26

**Quick disclaimer, I am not a doctor nor have I ever had a baby, so please excuse any inaccuracies. Hope you guys enjoy chapter 26!**

Jay POV

Erin's been in labor for about five hours now. Well actually, we don't have any idea how long she's actually been in labor, but we've been at Med for about five hours, creeping slowly towards six and she's been surprisingly nice to me, Antonio and Wes both scared the crap out of me when they told me that their wives spent the entirety of their labors cursing them out.

The first half of her labor moved fairly quickly, but around seven centimeters she seemed to hit a roadblock, but I think we're back in business now. She's at nine now and she's almost there. I know that she's hurting really bad, she refused to get an epidural and as proud as I am of my girl, it is absolutely killing me to see her in pain. I've always known it, but after watching her go through this, I'm sure that she's is a superhero. All I want to do is take it away, if I could go through it instead of her, I would make that choice without a second thought and zero hesitations.

Once the doctors assured both of them that Erin wouldn't give birth in the 30 minutes that she would be gone, Natalie ran out to drop Owen off with her mother in law and to grab the bag from out house Erin packed a few days ago in case these babies decided to come early. Will would have done it, but when she clocked out she had to find someone to cover for her and Will was the only one that could do it, but he's been popping his head in the room every so often.

But I guess that was a good call to pack that bag early. But since she's been back, she hasn't left her side. I stepped out for a minute to call Lucy and give an update to the rest of the unit, but Natalie is there to stay. Even though I told them that they could go back to the district, they all refused, content to stay here and wait and allow the perps from the bust to sit in holding until Erin gave birth.

"Alright," Dr. Reaser says, re entering the hospital room as Erin grits her teeth through the end of an especially bad contraction, her red hair pulled into a scrub cap and her scrubs a deep blue. "How are we doing?"

"I'm ready to push, I want to push," Erin says, almost pleading as she arches her back in pain, bracing herself on the bed railings, hair sticking to her forehead with sweat. I just want this to be over for her. "I can feel them coming,"

'Okay, okay," She says as she snaps on a pair of gloves, "Let's get your feet up, I'm going to check you really quick," It pulls at my heartstrings as I Erin grimaces dragging her feet up to the stirrups. She squeezes my hand as Dr. Reaser completes the quick exam.

"Good news, you are officially at 10 centimeters,"

"I can push?" She asks in relief.

"Next contraction," She says with a smile, "Natalie get some nurses in here, we're delivering two babies very soon," Natalie reaches over to the call button with her free hand and within a couple seconds, the room is flooded with three nurses, all looking ready to go as they pull gloves on.

I can tell a contraction is coming on as Erin squeezes her eyes shut. They're closer together now and they last longer, coming on so much stronger than before.

"Alright push," Dr. Reaser urges. "Let's get these babies out," She begins to squeeze my hand, harder than she's ever done it before, her sharp nails digging into my palm.

"You're never touching me again," She exclaims once the contraction has passed, falling back onto the pillow and leading to a laugh from Nat. There it is. I don't respond, instead pressing my lips to the top of her hand. Natalie whispers something into her ear, probably revving her up for the next contraction. She's been through this before, she knows what Erin needs to hear, that's where she's more valuable than I am.

"Okay again," Dr. Reaser says as she watches Erin's face, knowing exactly when those contractions hit. This continues for another forty minutes and I can see the frustration beginning to set in on Erin's part, it doesn't seem like anything is happening. She's exhausted and in so much pain.

"I can't do this anymore," She pants. "I'm so tired,"

"You can do this Erin," Natalie assures her.

"No I can't," She protests.

"You're so close, I can see the head," Dr. Reaser tells her. "A few more pushes and this baby will be out. It's all going to be worth it,"

"You can do this babe," I say as I press a quick kiss to the top of her head. "You are the strongest person I know and you've already gone through the hardest part, this is just the end. You can do it,"

I don't know if my words have a positive effect, if any before another contraction hits and her body takes over, she's going to be pushing whether she likes it or not.

"C'mon, I need a good strong push, you can do this Erin, your baby is crowning, I can see it's head."

"I can't do this," She protests again, panting with every word. She's near the end of her rope.

"Yes you can," I tell her. Natalie gives me a look and without thinking I jump behind her, straddling her between my legs and holding her. "You can do this," She gives me a quick nod, leaning back into me as she bears down.

"Head is out!" She announces. "Get the shoulders out and you'll have your first baby,"

"One more push," I assure her. She responds wordlessly, gives me a nod. She shrieks before I feel her collapse into me as I start to hear those cries, the most amazing sound in the world.

"It's a boy!" She announces as she lays the baby down on Erin's chest. That's our baby, our son. We have a son. And he's absolutely perfect. I don't think I've ever fallen in love that fast. He opens his eyes, just for a split second, but he's got blue eyes. My eyes.

"Oh thank God," She says with a grin as I lean down to give her a kiss. Erin loves Lucy, more than anything in the entire world, but I know how badly she wanted a boy. And though I would have loved to have two little girls looking just like my beautiful wife, I'm more than a little excited to have a son. And besides, there is still the possibility of a little girl.

"You're incredible," I assure her. I don't think I've been more thankful for her.

"Time of birth 8:34 PM," One of the nurses says as she records the time on one of the charts.

"Does Daddy want to cut the cord?" Dr. Reaser asks as she holds out the scissors to me. I reach around Erin, cutting his cord before Erin quickly pulls him to her chest, cradling him for the first time is his mother's arms, red faced and screaming bloody murder, but absolutely perfect in every single way.

"Does this little boy have a name yet?"

"Liam, Liam Oliver Halstead," I say as I look down at my beautiful wife and my perfect son.

"Strong name for a strong boy with strong lungs," Natalie comments with a bit a chuckle.

"He's perfect," She says as she looks down at him. He looks exactly like her. I can already tell, this boy is half Lindsay and he's going to be one hell of a charmer.

"He's beautiful guys," Natalie says with a smile from her spot on Erin's side. The two of just stare down at him, taking him in and memorizing every single one of his features.

"Oh God, there's another one," Erin says with a deep groan as another contraction hits her, cutting into the moment. She's not done yet. There's still another baby that needs to come out.

"I'll take him," Natalie says as she lifts Liam off Erin's chest, bringing him over to the warmer before the nurses begin scrambling around him and cleaning him off.

"Alright Erin, let's get your second baby out, give me a good strong push," She grits her teeth and lets out a scream as she pushes again. And again. And again. "Stop!" She exclaims quickly on the eighth push. The baby should be here by now, it can't be that much farther behind Liam . It shouldn't be taking this long.

"No, I have to push. Let me push, I need to push!" Erin responds as the contractions rips through her body.

"You can't!" Dr. Reaser yells as she glances up at the monitors, Erin's face twisting in pain.

"What's wrong?" I ask, extremely concerned at this point. The look on her face is telling me enough. This isn't right, something is wrong.

"Every time that Erin pushes, your baby's heart rate is dropping," She explains, cautiously but quickly.

"What?" I exclaim, my eyes racing over to the monitors, looking for any medical sign of her words.

"Erin," Dr. Reaser says forcefully, grabbing her attention and quickly ignoring my concerns.

"What?" She asks, the exhaustion clear in her voice. She's already been put through so much, I want this to be over for her, so badly.

"I need to examine you," She explains.

"What?" Erin responds. I can tell that Erin's slightly out of it, the pain is controlling her.

"I need to stick my hand inside you, I'm going to see how far back your baby is. If it's close to being delivered, we can still do this naturally, but if it's not in the birth canal yet, we're going to need to do a C-section. I'm really sorry, but this is going to hurt, a lot,"

"Do what you need to do," She stammers as she leans back into me. I grab her left hand and Natalie takes her right, Liam 's screams still filling the void. My eyes flit between Erin and my newborn son, his face red with screams as his limbs flail in the air.

"Squeeze as hard as you need to," Natalie assures her, Erin responding with a weak nod.

"Okay I'm going to count to three, 1,2,3," Judging by the blood curdling screams coming out of Erin's mouth and the force of which her nails are digging into my palm, she severely undershot the amount she thought it would be.

"Stop, stop. Please stop!" She pleads, tears in her eyes and sweat and tears dripping down her face.

"I'm almost done, I just need one more second,"

"Oh thank God," Erin cries as she completes the exam, quickly falling back into me.

"Erin," She says. I can tell by the tone of her voice and the look on her face that this is the result that none of us wanted and I already know exactly what she's going to say next.

"Yes?" Erin responds weakly.

"I'm sorry, baby is too far back we have to do a C-section," She says reluctantly.

"No, no. I can do it, I can push, I want to push." She insists.

"No Erin you can't," She says sternly. "I am sorry and I know that you want to push, but right now, I am telling you that this is your baby's best chance for survival. But I need your consent for the surgery," In that moment I feel a fear coursing through my body, a fear like no other, but one that I know all too well. I haven't felt that since the day we got the call to Grace Street. The fear when the life of your child is in danger, whether or not you've met them yet, it's the same. She looks up at me, those hazel eyes wide. I give her a nod.

"Okay, do it," She says, tears now streaming down her face, "Do what you need to do for my baby,"

"Let's move people!" Dr. Reaser exclaims as her gloves come off, she begins to break the bed down, the foot holds folding under the bed and the wheels unlocking for transport.

"It's going to be okay babe, it's all going to be okay," I say, hopping off from behind her and grabbing her hand, trying to stay calm. I know that if she notices that I'm panicking, it'll only make things worse for her. But I don't know think I'm doing a very good job.

"Jay I'm sorry, but you can't come back with her," Dr. Reaser says.

"What?" Both of us exclaim at the same time.

"This is a crash C and she doesn't have an epidural and it's too late to give her one, so we'll have to put her under, we can't have you back there,"

"I'll go," Natalie interjects.. "I have OR privileges, you can try to keep me out of there, I will call Connor Rhodes or Ms. Goodwin or whoever the hell else you need to hear it from, but you aren't keeping me from being in that OR," She says sternly. Thank God for Natalie Manning. I hate it so much that I can't be there with Erin, but if I can't, Nat is the next best thing.

"Natalie…" She says, clearly contemplating the options. I know that this is Dr. Reaser's call. It's out of our hands.

"I will by her head, I won't say a thing," She adds.

"Get it cleared by Goodwin and change into scrubs, I need you sterile," She concedes.

"Okay," She nods. "Erin, I'll be right back, you aren't going to be alone." Erin responds with a weak nod before Natalie dashes out of the room.

"Stay with him," She tells me, looking up at me, those big beautiful hazel eyes full of fear. "Don't leave his side, I need to know that he's going to be okay,"

"Okay, I promise" I say conceding to her without a fight. It's taking all of my willpower to keep myself from chasing her into the OR, demanding that they let me in. But I can't do anything in there. This is where I have to be. With my son.

* * *

My son lays sleeping on my chest, his shallow breathing filling the quiet of the NICU this time of night, backed up only by the rhythmic beeping of all the machines around us. He checked out fine, but since he was early, they said that he needed to be monitored in the NICU for a little while. They took him off the monitors a little while ago, but we were both content just sitting here and no one has coerced us to leave. Will stopped by a little while ago, but he got a 911 page pretty quickly after he got here.

He's healthy, but he's small. Five pounds, four ounces, and 18 inches long to be exact, with a full head of russet brown hair, the exact same color as mine. I've just been staring at his face for almost an hour, memorizing every detail.

The band looped around his ankle reads HALSTEAD, BABY BOY. It won't have his name on it until the birth certificate is done, but still it seems surreal to me to have this tiny little baby sharing my last name. I got the same feeling the first time I saw Lucy's birth certificate with my name on it.

He looks just like Erin. He's got my eye color and my hair, but everything is all her. His nose, the shape of his big eyes, the soft cupid's bow of his lips and even the way his chin is shaped, it's all her and I've fallen more and more in love with him every time I see his face. And her.

And even though I'm more than consumed with the newborn laying in my arms, I can't stop thinking about Erin. And more than Erin, the child inside her they told me was in danger of dying. It's been almost an hour. Liam was born at 8:34 and after that, she spent maybe another 25 minutes trying to push the second one out. They must have taken her up around nine. It's slowly approaching ten and I still haven't heard anything yet, my anxiety increasing with each passing moment, the list of things that could have gone wrong, it doesn't end.

"Jay," I look up to see Natalie standing in the doorway, back in her burgundy scrubs and a cooing bundle held in her arms and a big smile on her face. I swear that better be my child.

"Natalie Manning that better be my baby," I tease.

"Congratulations Daddy," She says as she lays my child down in my free arm and grabbing Liam , allowing me time to bond with the younger twin. "You've got a little girl,"

"A girl?" I ask, making sure I heard her correctly.

"Uh huh," She says with a smile. "And she's not a screamer either, this little girl is as laid back as they come,"

"She's beautiful," I say as I take in her beautiful face. She's not crying or sleeping like her brother was, she's awake and cooing, big blue eyes staring up at me. I peel back her white hat for a quick second to reveal a thin covering of blonde hair. Blonde. Neither of us are blonde, but my sister was. And dimples. She has Erin's dimples. This little girl already has me been wrapped around her tiny finger. "But speaking of girls, how's mine doing?"

"She did really well Jay. They were closing when I left, so she should be resting in her room. She'll be out for a little while, but she should be waking up in the next couple of hours. I can take you back if you'd like," She offers.

"Thanks, but I think I just want to sit here for a minute," I say as I stare down at the perfect little baby in my arms, making frequent glances over to my son resting in Natalie's arms.

"Okay," She responds, as she sways gently. "So does the little miss have a name yet?"

"Ava, Ava Piper," I tell her. On that day in the park, we did chose the name Nora. We both loved it, then at least. But as the weeks and months went on, we fell out of love with it. One day we were lying in bed and Erin rolled over and asked me what I thought of the name Ava, telling me that it was Camille's middle name. And from that day on, Nora wasn't ever even talked about again.

"It's perfect, she'll carry on the legacies well," She adds, knowing the significance behind both the names.

"We thought so," I add, The room sits in a comfortable silence for awhile, the only noise the occasional noises coming from Ava and Liam .

"You ready to go back to Erin? There should be bassinets in the room if you want to lay them down for a minute,"

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea," I say as I rise from the blue arm chair, Ava held tight in my arms. As we make the walk back to Erin's room, I find that I have to actively make an effort to look forward and keep my eyes from tracing over Ava's face. But when we make it back to the room, it's empty.

"Where is she?" I ask as I lay Ava down in the plastic hospital bassinets and take Liam from her arms.

"Give me a sec, I'll go ask the nurses and figure out what happened," I nod at her as she makes her way out of room, leaving me alone for the first time with my children. Erin should be here for this. I can't help but feel guilty that she's not.

Natalie is back in about two minutes flat and while I'm expecting just a simple location, the look on her face is worrisome.

"Natalie?" I ask as I approach her, Liam starting to stir. "What's wrong?"

"There's been a complication,"

 **Please review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addison**


	27. Chapter 27

**We made it! This is the final chapter. Thank you to everyone who read this story, especially to those of you who have been following it since the day I posted the first chapter of Lucy. I hope you enjoy this final installment!**

* * *

 **Jay POV**

"What?" I say in a panic, pulling my son tighter into my arms.

"No, no, no, no, " She says quickly, retracting her statement, "She's fine Jay, she's absolutely fine, they just needed some more time to close her up, she's on her way back here now,"

"What the hell Nat, you scared the crap out of me!" I exclaim back at her, but relief coursing through my body at the same time. She's okay. Oh thank God she's okay.

"Sorry I probably could have worded that better," She answers sheepishly.

"You think?" I exclaim.

"I said I was sorry," She says back to me, her hands thrown up in defense.

"Sorry I didn't mean to snap at you," I apologize, "It's just been a really stressful day," I haven't even been out to see the unit yet, I didn't want to say anything until I knew that Ava and Erin were going to be alright. I didn't want to worry them anymore than I already was. That and I just couldn't bring myself to leave Liam and it wouldn't be right for the unit to meet him before Erin did, well really meet him. I felt bad, leaving them for so long without an update, but they have to be my priority right now, all three of them. My phone has been blowing up for a couple hours now, but the only ones that I've taken the time to respond to have been the ones from Emily regarding Lucy.

"I know," She says, leading me towards the bench by the window and urging me to sit down. It's been a long day, she knows that and I've been running on almost pure adrenaline, though that's quickly running out.

"Just tell me what happened," I ask her, Liam waking up in my arms. "Don't you dare go soft on me now Manning, I want to know exactly what happened,"

"Okay," She says softly, "I was there when Ava was born and her oxygen levels were a little low, but everything looked good with Erin, at least it did then. They gave Ava a few puffs of oxygen in the OR and said her numbers were better and she was fine. So they took all her measurements and weighed her and that's when I got cleared to take her to see you. The surgery had gone well to that point and I felt confident leaving Erin with Dr. Reaser,"

"What happened? Did she do something wrong?"

"No, she did exactly what she should have done, but Erin was bleeding a little more than they would have liked. But they got it cleared and she's fine, the closing was just a little more complicated and took some extra time, it's not a big deal at all, they see this all the time,"

"But she's okay?" I ask again.

"She's perfectly fine," She assures me, "I'm sorry that I scared you,"

"It's okay, we're fine, we're all fine," I say with a sigh of relief. After the insanity of today, I'm just grateful that we all got out of it in one piece.

"You know," Natalie says as she reaches over to pulls a cooing Ava from the bassinet. "You and Erin make pretty cute babies,"

"Well if you haven't noticed yet, they both look exactly like my wife," I say with a smirk.

"I didn't miss that," She says with a chuckle, "She's going to be a beauty. And she's got those Lindsay dimples, so you know she'll be able to smile her way out of absolutely everything,"

"Oh God I hope not," I say with a groan, my mind flashing forward to these little babies being teenagers, but smiling in the back of my head. As much as I want them to stay little, I can't wait to watch them grow up, become their owns people and forge their paths in the world.

"Oh she's here," Natalie comments as the two of us spot them rolling Erin's bed back into the room. There's my girl. For the first time, my nerves have completely calmed, seeing her with my owns eyes and knowing that she's okay.

"Do you want me to take the babies back to the nursery? Just give you a minute with Erin? They kept her in the OR for a little while to monitor her, so she should be waking up in the next twenty minutes or so,"

"No, I got it," I respond, "I don't want her to wake up and have them not be here," I know that she would panic. She's seen Liam, but if she woke up and Ava wasn't in the room, I know that she would assume the worst.

"Alright," She says with a smile, "I'm going to go find Will and let him know what's going on and then call Helen and get and update on Owen, do you want me to send Voight or anybody back?"

"No, Erin should get to meet our daughter before anybody else does. I think we're just going to have a quiet night with the four of us tonight, tell I'm sorry that they've been here for hours, but I think I would be better for everyone if they just came back in the morning,"

"They'll understand," She assures me.

"Natalie you should go home too," I insist.

"Jay," She persists,

"You've been since the beginning and you got her through this, but I know Will's shift ends soon, go home and see your kid," I tell her.

"Jay I can't just leave her," She says, fighting against my request.

"Yes you can, I got it from here, you need to go home," I insist as I can see her walls coming down, I've almost got her to cave.

"You promise you're going to be okay?" She asks.

"I have a kid, you do that," I tell her.

"But you've never had a baby," She points out. Her words only raise my anxiety, I've been trying to keep my calm, but I'm freaking out. We read all the books and went to the classes, but I know that once we bring Ava and Liam home, it's going to be a whole other ball game.

"Go home," I say again, insisting this time.

"You'll call me if you need me?" She asks, Liam falling back asleep in my arms as he sucks his thumb. That reminds me, I should probably ask one of the nurses for a pacifier.

"Of course," I say, only half telling the truth. I know that she'll be back first thing in the morning and I want to make sure that she gets at least a good night of sleep.

"Alright, I'll be back tomorrow," She says as she places Ava back in her bassinet, her eyes still wide open.

"I know you will," I say with a smile. "But seriously, go home," She gives me a final nod before departing from the hospital room. In the newfound silence, I switch the babies out again, placing Liam in his bassinet and taking Ava in my arms, her wide eyes staring up at me as she babbles her nonsensical language that I want so badly to understand.

I've always been the type of person who thinks that all babies look the same, but it's so different when it's your child. I might be crazy, but I can already notice the smallest differences between Ava and Liam. They yawn differently and the noises that they make are different, I've yet to hear Ava cry, but when they babble, I can tell who it is without even looking. It's just one of those things I guess.

But little miss Ava does not want to go to sleep, it's not like she's crying or anything, she's just looking around, taking in the world around her for the very first time.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

The first thing I feel is actually not pain so much, but more like a throbbing soreness. My hand flies to my stomach and even through the hospital gown and the bandages, I flinch at the sensation. The days events come rushing back to me. I had a baby. I had two babies. God I hope I have two babies.

"Jay?" I say, my voice hoarse and the rasp even stronger than usual. I try to sit up, but I'm met with an instant resistance of pain shooting from the incision in my stomach. But I can take it without a problem. Compared to the pain I felt during labor, while I pushed for over an hour and felt like my insides were being ripped apart, this is a walk in the freakin park.

"Don't try to sit up," He says, quickly coming over to my bedside and pressing a button to on the remote next to the bed, raising me to a sitting up position. The first thing I notice is the bundle in his arms, I peer over to look at the face.

"That's not Liam," I say hopefully.

"No, of course not," He responds, the confusion is his voice evident. "He's sleeping over there, this is Ava," Oh thank God. She's here. She's alive, that's the important part.

"It's a girl? And she's okay?" I say, tears beginning to form in my eyes, but a grateful smile across my face. I know that's it not my fault, but I almost feel guilty, like I did an injustice to her. We were both there when her older brother was born, neither of us were there for her. And I know I'm going to mull over that for the rest of my life. But right now, I can't focus on that. I just want to revel in my brand new babies.

"She's absolutely perfect," He tells with a grin. "You want to hold her?" I nod quickly before he lays down the sleeping baby in my arms. Her eyes are closed, her breathing filling the silence as I study her face. She looks like an angel, my angel.

"She's beautiful," I say, the tears beginning to flow. Before they were born, I swore to myself that I wouldn't cry. I don't really remember what happened after Liam was born, it's a blur of happiness and then soon after cut through with the extreme pain of Ava trying to make her way into the world, but I know that there were tears. A lot of tears.

"She's got your dimples," He says with a smile, "and Liam looks just like you, but he's got my eyes, big and blue, they both do,"

"Thank God," I say with a smile. I've always loved the color of his eyes, they've sucked me in since the first day I met him. I know that there's a chance that their eyes will change color, but I really hope they keep the bright blue of his eyes forever. And besides, I've got my hazel eyed baby waiting for me at home.

"You want to meet your son?"

"You know I do," Technically, I've already met Liam, but that was just for the two minutes while he was lying on my chest right after he was born before he was quickly swept away. I want to meet my son, properly.

I move Ava into the crook of my left arm, making sure that she's happy and her head is propped up as I wait impatiently for Jay to place Liam in my arms.

I feel my heart skip a beat as he's placed in my arms once again, inhaling that smell, that baby smell that can't help you from being happy. I smile down at my son in my arms, Jay was right, he does look just like me.

"I am going to love you until the day I die," I whisper to both of them, Jay smiling on. "And I hope that you'll always know that."

* * *

I blink to adjust to the sunlight in the room. It's got to be late in the morning based on how bright it is and I appreciate Jay letting me sleep. I didn't want to close my eyes last night, I couldn't take my eyes off the two miracles laying in their plastic hospital bassinets and I think Jay finally convinced me to go to sleep around three in the morning. I still didn't want to, but I could feel my eyelids drooping.

"Good morning Mama," I hear from the corner of the room. Natalie. I would know that voice anywhere. "How was your beauty sleep?"

"Hey," I say to her with a smile, my eyes flitting around the room looking for Jay, Ava, and Liam. Liam's on my left and Ava is on my right, but my husband is nowhere to be found. "Where's Jay?" I ask.

"He had to run out for a couple minutes, he just said he had to pick something up but he'll be back soon," Her words are interrupted by the opening of the hospital room door and I know exactly who it is.

"Hey babe," I say as he comes over to me, greeting me with a quick kiss before dropping another one on Ava's forehead, the twin who just happens to be on that side of the bed. "Where did you go?"

"Oh I was just picking someone up," He says, that tease in his voice and a smirk on his face.

"Someone?" I question, racking my brain as to who it could be as he grabs Liam from the other side of the bed, cradling him into his chest.

"MAMA!" I hear shouting from the the hallway as I see my little red head catapulting herself towards me and I quickly brace for impact.

"Bean be gentle," Jay scolds as she skids to a stop in front of my bed before climbing into bed with me, without hesitations. I feel a slight stab of pain as she hits me, but I ignore it. I missed my girl and I just want to hold her in my arms again.

"Your belly is gone," She comments, looking a little confused.

"Well sweet girl," I say as she lays next to me and inhale the familiar scent of her strawberry shampoo. "my belly tuned into babies," I say, explaining it in the way that I think will be the least emotionally scarring for her, she doesn't need to know about how any of this works for a very long time.

I knew that I missed Lucy, but then and only then as she snuggles into my side do I actually realize how much I missed my sweet girl.

"Did I get a sister?" She asks impatiently as Natalie places Ava in my arms, those big blue eyes open once again as she stares up at her big sister. Lucy has been begging us the entire pregnancy to figure out the genders and we refused to budge, so I knew that this question would be one of the first things out of her mouth.

"You've got a little sister and a little brother," I tell her as she traces her fingers over Ava's face. "This is Ava and Daddy is holding your brother Liam, he's seeping right now, but you'll get to meet him later,"

"Promise?" She asks, still completely enthralled with Ava.

"I promise," I assure her with a bit of a wink. "Do you want to hold her?" She nods enthusiastically as I place her in Lucy's tiny arms, "Be so careful babe, support her head,"

"I can do it Mama!" She insists. It's been so long, but every time I hear her call me Mama, my heart leaps. It's hard to believe that pretty soon I'll have three tiny humans calling me Mama.

"I know you can, I just want to make sure," I respond. Jay and I have always encouraged her to be independent, but now more than ever I feel like I have to be an overprotective mother. They're just so small and breakable, it feels like one wrong move and they'll break like glass. I watch carefully as I lower into her arms.

'She's so little," She says breathlessly, her hazel eyes sparkling. "I want her to stay little forever,"

"Me too baby girl," I tell her as Jay comes to sit next to me on the other side of the bed, a sleeping baby still cradled in his arms. "Me too,"

* * *

Lucy stayed for awhile, long enough for Liam to wake up and for her to spend some time to bond with her siblings and at least some time for her to catch up with us. You'd be surprised at how much can happen in the life of a five almost six year old in the course of only a day and there was a lot that we needed to know, most of it being a play by play of her several games of Candyland with Emily followed by her very detailed explanation about Ms. Owens' lesson on triangles, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Eventually Emily dropped by to pick her up and I finally convinced Jay to take a nap. I knew he needed it, but there was no way that he would admit to it. Lucy would be back soon, but Emily had taken her home for a few hours to nap, turns out when your siblings are being born, you don't really want to sleep and she really needed the rest.

Natalie did have to go in for her shift eventually, so I've just been sitting in my room alone, the only noise being the occasional peep from one of the twins. It was some much needed time to decompress from the insanity of the past 24 hours. I've had almost 24 hours to process it, but I still can't believe that I have three children. I'm a mom of three. That's crazy.

"Hey kid," I hear from the corner of the room, breaking my train of thought.

'Hank," I stay with a grateful smile, keeping my voice low in an attempt to make sure Jay stays sleeping. "We've got to be quiet, Jay's finally let himself get some sleep,"

"Not a problem, but I want to know how you're doing,"

"Pretty freakin perfect," I answer with a smile. "You want to meet your two newest grandchildren?"

"Nothing more I want in the entire world," He responds, his always gruff voice possessing a new and quite frankly foreign softness.

"Well," I say as I hand over Liam, making sure she's settled in his arms before letting go. "This is Liam Oliver,"

"Oliver?" He says, his eyes moving back up from his face to look at me. I'd run the name past him months and months ago, but I didn't ever definitively tell him that that was going to be his name, Jay and I decided to keep that to ourselves. And he doesn't have any idea about Ava's name. Not yet anyway.

"He was my family and he deserves to be honored," I tell him, "He accepted me in your home and he didn't have to do that. And uh, I've always loved the name Oliver," I add as I pull Ava from the bassinet next to me.

"Still, I think it's pretty amazing." He says with a rare smile, "and the little girl?" He asks, gesturing to the pink capped bundle in my arms.

"Ava, Ava Piper," I tell him, suddenly holding my breath and realizing that I never even asked Hank about the name. "I wanted her to have a piece of Camille. I didn't have her for very long, but she was my mom. I want her to carry on the legacy that Camille made and if my daughter can even be half the woman that she was, she'll be the luckiest girl in the world. I really hope that's okay,"

"She would be so proud of you," He says as he grabs one of my hands, answering my question without even saying anything.

"I still think about her, everyday," I admit, a string of images of her bright greens eyes and soft blonde curls dashed with gray filling my mind.

"I know kid, so do I," He says, as gently as Hank Voight can say anything. We sit there in a beautiful silence, reminiscing about the good times we both had with her. She was an incredible woman and if I can carry on her legacy through my daughter, then I've done my job.

"Babe?" I hear from the other side of the room, his voice heavy and deep with sleep. "Who's here?"

"It's me Halstead," Voight responds. We spend the next hour just talking about everything under the sun, swapping babies and laughing. I love the moments like this, that aren't planned or extravagant, just simple, but perfect. It's not long before Lucy blows down the door once again.

"I'm back!" She exclaims, throwing herself at Jay. That nap really did give that girl a shot of energy.

"Hey Beanie," He says, swooping her up into his arms which happen to be baby free at this point and Emily just standing awkwardly in the doorway, but with a big smile on her face.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" I joke as I rock Liam in my arms.

"Hi Mommy," She says with a sheepish grin as she wrinkles her nose at me.

"Do I get a hello?" Hank teases, revealing that rare side of him, reserved just for her only.

"Hi Grandpa," She says with a giggle. "Did you meet my brother and sister yet?"

"I did," He says with a smile, "I think I kinda like them," He tells her with a wink.

"Me too," She says, doing her best to return his wink but it actually ending up like some weird face contortion.

"Well good my darling," I say as Lucy scampers down from Jay's arms and jumps into bed with me. "You're kind of stuck with them,"

'Um I'm going to run down the cafeteria and get some work done on my sociology paper, shoot me a text when you need me to take her home,"

"Thank you Em," I add as she leaves with a wave.

"And I think that's my cue to go," Hank says, lowering Ava into Jay's arms. "Take care of them Halstead,"

"There's no place I'd rather be sir," He says back with a smile. Hank smiles back at me one more time before departing from the room. Jay takes his place sitting on the other side of my bed as he admires our children.

"We did good Erin," He says, just loud enough that I could hear but Luce couldn't, his lips brushing up against the top of my ear.

"Yes we did," I say as extend my neck up so my lips can reach his. Even after everything we've been through, I still feel sparks every time I get to kiss that man. "I love you Jay,"

"I love you too Er,"

"I love Ava and Liam," Lucy adds unexpectedly, rendering a laugh from the both of us.

"I'm so glad," I say with a grin, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. As I look at my little family, I can't believe how incredible my life turned out. I never could have predicted how wonderful things would be. If you would have asked five years ago what I thought my life would have looked liked, the absolute last thing that I would say is that I would be here, with my two newborn babies and my beautiful Lucy, with a man that I love and loves me more than I ever knew possible.

And I as look into the blue eyes of the man I love and the big hazels of my sweet girl, inhaling that incredible baby scent mixing with Lucy's strawberry shampoo, I'm certain that their is no place I'd rather be. Our journey to Lucy and our path to love was unconventional to say the least. But it's ours and it led us here, which makes it absolutely perfect.

-The End-

* * *

 **Thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart who has taken the time to read and review this story, it has meant more to me than you will ever know. I have absolutely loved writing the story of Erin, Jay and Lucy and but I think I'm going to end it here. I hope that you guys have enjoyed reading this story just as much as I've loved writing it.**

 **Also just a quick note, I will be out of town for the rest of the week and will not have my laptop with me, so the soonest I will have another update up for either Saving Grace or Coming Home will be Sunday night, but don't quote me on that. Also just want to quickly apologize for not updating either or those in forever, but now that I'm down to two stories, those updates should be coming out much faster.**

 **And finally, for one last time, please review!**

 **Many thanks and much love,**

 **Addison**

 **xoxo**


	28. NOT AN UPDATE

Okay I know I said I was done writing this story, but I just have so many more ideas for it and I kinda miss writing for it. I don't really want to write another full length story, but I was thinking about doing a series of non continuous one-shots both following the events of the Light That Leads Us and filling in some of the time jumps. Let me know if you guys would be interested in that and if you are, feel free to leave some ideas for one-shots. If you're already following me, you'll get a notification when they start to go up and I will also post something on here as well.

Much love,

Addie


	29. Author's Note

**Hey guys! So the first one shot for the series of one shots which I guess is a follow up for this story, is finally up! It's posted under the title "The Ever of After" and I hope you guys like it! Thanks!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


End file.
